Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 22
Guy #1…..Bill Hader
FADE IN:[ Three MEN all sit next to each other. ]
Guy #1: Fine lines and wrinkles
Guy #2: deep furrows and creases
Guy #3: sagging skin and looseness[ A SPOKESPERSON comes in. ]
Spokesperson: Women arent the only ones who want smooth skin men do too. If sagging skin and wrinkles are holding you back, maybe its time you try Scrotox.[ SUPER: SCROTOX (scrotabotulismtoxina) ]
Guy #1: Scrotox? Whats that?
Spokesman: Scrotox is nothing more than a botulism toxin that we shoot straight into your scrotum.
Guy #2: How does it work?[ COMPUTER ANIMATION of a male human body appears. It scans down to the testicles. ]
Spokesperson (V/O): Scrotox plumps and tightens a mans unsightly skin down there.[ The animation shows the testicles are dark purple and wrinkled. ]
Spokesperson: Arent you ready for your prunes to become plums?[ Time-lapse footage shows two shriveled plums between a large Tootsie Roll on a plate becoming ripe. ]
Spokesperson: Now thats what I call a smooth set of luggage.[ All the men laugh. ]
Guy #2: Will I lose feeling down there?
Spokesperson: Oh definitely! It’s poison, but your gents will be ready for their close-up.[ A NURSE injects a syringe of Scrotox into the center of a shriveled plum. The men squirm, but all smile after seeing the plum ripen. ]
Announcer (V/O): Ask your doctor about Scrotox. Discomfort is usually minimal and brief but it’s not.[ EXT. RESTAURANT PATIO SUNSET ] [ Guy #1 is having a candlelit dinner with his GIRLFRIEND. ]
Girlfriend: Somethings different about you but I like it.[ Guy #1 faces the camera. ]
Guy #1: Thanks, Scrotox.[ SUPER: SCROTOX (scrotabotulismtoxina) ]
Spokesperson: Scrotox You shoot it straight into your balls.
Submitted by: Cody Downs