Christina:
Good morning, people! I hope you are ready to dance! Now, for those of you who don’t know me, I am Jillian Chizz. Yes, THE Jillian Chizz.
Taran:
I saw her on Broadway in “Chicago”.
Nasim:
I heard she studied with Bob Fosse.
Bobby:
Yeah, I hear she’s an amazing teacher.
Kenan:
Well, I hope so, because I have an audition tomorrow, and I need to learn how to dance.
Christina:
Okay, let’s get started! Now, my technique is deeply rooted in Fosse. Okay, so if you are not familiar with Bob Fosse’s style, okay, huh, here’s a quick review:
[She poses.] This is Fosse!
[Another pose.] This is Fosse!
[A leg kick.] That is Fosse!
[Jazz hands.] This … is not Fosse. Okay? If I see any of you doing that, I will be doing this, which is me pointing to the door. But like this, because that is Fosse! All right, dolls? Okay! Now, let’s have two lines of three.
Taran:
Um, there’s only four of us.
Christina:
[Sighs.] As the great Tommy Tune said to me, “Just find it and play with it.” Okay? Here we go! I’m gonna show you the first eight. Are you ready? Here we go:
[Dances.] Ah, konk, ka-konk, konk, ka ka, za bow, za ba za, bizzee bizzee, ka ka ka ka.
Moving on, ready? Here we go!
Nasim:
Wait, I’m confused.
Taran:
Yeah, sorry, you just said “donka donka”.
Christina:
Yes, that’s correct. And from the donka donka, we have a konk! We have a zow za zow zow! You got that? All right, come on!
Kenan:
This don’t make no sense!
Christina:
There will come a time when you feel the ka-donk, all right? Now, from there, we are in the deep ka-doonk, all right?
Bobby:
Okay, I’m sorry, I … I’m lost.
Taran:
Yeah, maybe it would help if you gave us normal counts, like one-two-three-four.
Christina:
Oh, silly! This is Fosse, honey. We don’t do one, two, threes! We do ka-donks, ka-dooks, za zas, all right?
Kenan:
So, a ka-dook is a three? That don’t make no sense.
Christina:
Okay, you people know who I am, right? You know that I’ve been on The Broadway, right? You’ve heard the Tommy Tune stories, I’m sure, right? We were a hot item! And for that one crazy night, he loved me with every bit of his body except for his dong. Do you understand that? I would say it was hard on me, but no, really it just laid there like a steamed carrot.
Kenan:
Why, why’d you tell that story? It’s a bad reflection on you. That don’t make no sense!
Christina:
Okay, moving on! Moving on!
Bobby:
Miss Chizz? Miss Chizz? Could we just see the dance from the beginning just one more time?
Christina:
Okay, darling. I am tough, but I am not unreasonable. All right, I’ll give you some counts if it’ll make you happy. Okay, here we go: [Sarcastically:] Ah, five, six, seven, eight.
Konk, ka-donk, konk, ka konk, ka ka ka ka ka pow, za bow zow ba za zizz za zizz-a-zizz zizz zizz, ohnzee bow bow sa gohnzee bow bow, one, two, bon mot, down, zippety-boo-boo, a-zibbely-bow bow!
That’s great! Let’s do it with music, from the top!
Taran:
Wait, we don’t know it yet!
Christina:
Just find it, darling! Own it! [Starts the record.] Come on, pulse, pulse, people! Pose, come on, dance! That was it, come on, you missed it!
Kenan:
This don’t make no sense!
Christina:
[Dragging needle across record.] What’s your name?
Kenan:
Charles.
Christina:
Charles! What is not making sense to you?
Kenan:
Well, the whole thing. You. Tommy Tune. This song. This class. You. Look, I have an audition tomorrow, and I told them I could dance. I lied to them, Miss Chizz! This needs to start making seeee-ence.
Christina:
I see. Does everyone feel this way? Because I have been doing this for ka-konk and a half years, people!
Bobby:
Yeah, I don’t even know what you mean by ka-konk. Wait… [Dance move.] Ka-konk! Oh, my god! I just felt something!
Taran:
[Dance move.] Ka-konk! Me too!
Nasim:
[Dance move.] Ka-konk! Ooh, I felt that deep in my za-zay!
Kenan:
I don’t know why we’re even talking about this. I’m just gonna go, because it doesn’t seem like it makes any sense… [Leg kick.] Skree-doosh! Whoa!
Christina:
Yes!
Kenan:
It makes a whole lot of sense!
Christina:
You’ve got it! You’ve got it, all of you! Now, from the top! Here we go!
Ka-donk, konk, konk, ka-donk, konk, ka zow za za bow bow ba-zippety dum dum….
Air Date:
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