SNL Transcripts: Ben Affleck: 05/18/13: Ian Rubbish and the Bizarros perform “It’s a Lovely Day”



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 21




















12u: Ben Affleck / Kanye West

Ian Rubbish and the Bizarros perform “It’s a Lovely Day”

Ian Rubbish…..Fred Armisen
Bassist…..Bill Hader
Drummer…..Jason Sudeikis
Bassist #2…..Taran Killam
…..Carrie Brownstein
…..Steve Jones
…..J Mascis
…..Kim Gordon
…..Aimee Mann
…..Michael Penn

[ open on Top of the Pops set ]

Ian Rubbish: Hello, how you doing? Uh — yeah. I’m Ian Rubbish, and, uh — Hello, welcome. Uh, these are the Bizzaros. Yeah? [ the audience whoops slightly ] And, uh — Yeah, thank you, cheers! And, uh, we’ve been here all week — [ the audience cheers enthusiastically ] We’ve been here all week, and, uh… Well, look, it’s the last night here, and… uh…

Bassist: But, uh — We’re gonna keep playing together. You know? Even though, uh —

Ian Rubbish: Going on tour…

Bassist: Going on tour. We’re heading on tour, but we’re still gonna play together, yeah.

Ian Rubbish: So, uh — What we’re gonna do now, is, uh, is a song about… It’s like when things are DOWN, yeah… and you feel like the whole world’s against ya’, and everything’s changing so fast, yeah. What you do is — you look at everything in the face, yeah, and you say, “I happen to think… it’s gonna be a lovely day!”

[ they begin playing ]

Ian Rubbish: [ singing ]“When they smash… your things…
and throw them in the bin
You gotta say
It’s a lovely day.

When your cup… of tea…
is filled with a sour milk scene
You gotta say
It’s a lovely day.

Sometimes, it seems like things are falling aparrrrrrrt
Just remember, it’s a lovely…”

Ian Rubbish: Alright, well… I’ve got some friends of mine — people who have inspired me through the years — to come up and join me. Alright!

[ Carrie Brownstein and Steve Jones, with guitars, stand on either side of Ian ]

Ian Rubbish: [ singing ]“If your bike… collides…
with where or what resides
You gotta say
It’s a lovely day.”

[ J Mascis and Kim Gordon appear with guitar and tambourine ]

Ian Rubbish: [ singing ]“If life is changing fast
The future’s just the past
You gotta say
It’s a lovely day.”

Alright!

[ Aimee Mann and Michael Penn appear with guitars ]

Ian Rubbish: [ singing ]“If your mates are not around
And you need them when you’re down.
You gotta hang on
It’s still a lovely day.”

It is!

Ian Rubbish: [ singing ]“It’s been alright
I’ve had a lovely night with you.

All: [ singing ]“It’s been alright
I’ve had a lovely night with you.

It’s been alright
I’ve had a lovely night with you.”

Ian Rubbish: [ singing ]“It’s been alright
I’ve had a lovely night with you.
It’s been alright…
I’ve had a lovely night… with… you.”

[ the audience cheers wildly ] [ pull back and fade ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Zach Galifianakis: 05/04/13: Darrell’s House



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 19














12s: Zach Galifianakis / Of Monsters and Men

Darrell’s House

Darrell Sparks…..Zach Galifianakis
…..Jon Hamm

[ open on Knoxville Cable Access card ] [ dissolve to Darrell’s head bouncing around on blue screen ]

Jingle: “It’s the…
first time…
Darrell’s having people over to his house.”

Darrell V/O: “Hoo-ray!!”

[ dissolve to Darrell standing in his living room ]

Darrell: …Hello!

[ jump cut ]

Darrell: …Let me tell you a little bit about myself: I’m Darrell Sparks, and I love to enter–

Wife V/O: What are —

Darrell: –TAIN!! So what do I consider the three keys of entertaining? 1. Great snacks!

[ cut to an empty snack tray ] [ jump cut to snacks now on the tray ]

Darrell: The second key? Good music! That’s why I’m playing…

Darrell V/O: [ as his lips move on-screen ] Al… Jolsen.

[ Al Jolsen music begins to play ]

Darrell: That sounds GREAT!! And last, but not least, great guests!

[ jump cut as a doorbell rings ]

Darrell: I think one is here right now!

[ Darrell walks over to the front door and opens it ]

Darrell: Mr. Jon Hamm!

[ jump cut as the door opens and Jon Hamm steps in ]

Jon Hamm: How youdoing, Darrell?

Darrell: Thanks for coming! [ split-screen on Darrell shaking his friends hand, with Jon Hamm in the pother frame ] You look AMAZING, Jon! What’s your secret?

[ cut to close-up of Jon Hamm ]

Jon Hamm: If I told you… it wouldn’t be a secret!

Darrell: [ he laughs ridiculously over-the-top ] Oh, Jon! Care for some snacks?

[ the two camera angles follow Darrell and Jon Hamm to thesnack area ] [ cut to Jon Hamm putting a snack in his mouth ]

Jon Hamm: Excellent!

Darrell: [ with his Friend’s arm still in the shot ] Why, thank you, Jon! I made them myself!

Jon Hamm: They’re great!

Darrell: You look so happy, Jon, which is surprising — I always heard you were a MAD man!

[ cut to full-frame video footage of the “Showtime at the Apollo” audience whooping it up ]

Darrell: [ with his Friend still in the shot ] Thanks for stopping by, Jon!

[ jump cut to Jon Hamm, with Darrell checking his phone in the background ]

Jon Hamm: Thanks for having me!

[ Jon Hamm exits ]

Darrell: Well… For the first time I had someone to my house, THAT was a success!

[ close-up of Darrell blinking, with a CGI of his right eye still open ] [ jump cut to a freeze-frame of Darrell with the credits scrolling over him ] [ cut back to Darrell’s head bouncing around on blue screen ]

Jingle: “It’s the…
first time…
Darrell’s having people over to his house.”

Darrell V/O: “Hoo-ray!!”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts