SNL Transcripts: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: 09/22/12: Tres Equis II



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 2







12b: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Mumford and Sons

Tres Equis II

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World…..Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Companion…..Kate McKinnon
The Most Interesting Man in the World…..Jason Sudeikis

(The Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World practices Martial arts [poorly] in front of the Mirror.)

Announcer: He’s got a white belt in Judo, and Tae Kwon Do.

(In Bed, he reads “The Firm”)

He has a first edition…of every John Grisham Novel.

(Sitting in a Cafe, he writes ” -2.00″ in the tip line and hands it to his server.)

When he tips, he puts a negative amount, and says it’s Cashback.

(He sits in bed, strumming a guitar with two other guitars visable in the frame.)

He has multiple parody Twitter accounts.

(An account pops up under the name “Dildo Baggins.”)

And he can almost do a 180 on his Razor Scooter

(He tries and fails to achieve this.)

(He sits at a bar, with a Tres Equis beer, next to a very bored looking blonde companion.)

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: I am not only the Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World…I AM the most Interesting-

(His father, the Most Interesting Man in the World, storms in angrily.)

The Most Interesting Man in the World: WHAT THE HELL? What in the Hell is this? Are you kidding me? Is this really happening?

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: Get out of here, Dad! I’m doing a beer ad.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Really? What, and who is this? One of your Prostitutes?

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: So?

The Most Interesting Man in the World: So? Who is paying for her?

Companion: He said you are.

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Oh, did he?

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: I didn’t say that! I never said that!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: THIRTY YEARS OLD! Son, you are thirty years old!

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: You should be proud of me! I’m an entrepreneur!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Oh, he’s an entrepreneur! Like how you managed those rappers?

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: Those are my friends!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: THEY STOLE FROM YOU! (Noticing the bottle) And what is this? “Tres Equies?!”

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: Yes!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: “Tres Equies!” I could get sued for this! (He hurles the bottle off-screen, where it shatters) YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: I HAVE NO INCOME!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Get out of my house! Get out of my basement! You-

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: (Suddenly snapping) ONE SWIM MEET! YOU COULDN’T COME TO JUST ONE OF MY SWIM MEETS!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Oh, Swim Meet? (To the Camera) He didn’t even make the team! You Pussy! You swam two laps, and then you puked like a dog! They had to drain the pool!

Son of the Most Interesting Man in the World: (Storming off) I’m telling Mom!

The Most Interesting Man in the World: Oh, well good luck figuring out who the FUCK she is!

Announcer: (over a shot of the beer) Tres Equis. Spanish for Excellence.

(The Most Interesting Man In the World takes a sip, then spits it out.)

The Most Interesting Man in the World: This tastes like shit.

Submitted by: Ted Zoldan

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Seth MacFarlane: 09/15/12




 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 38: Episode 1


This free script provided by http://javascriptkit.com]]>






Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:



Bit Players:


September 15th, 2012

Seth MacFarlane

Frank Ocean

None

Psy

John Mayer

None

Democratic RallySummary: Despite a lack of success in having run the country for four years, President Barack Obama (Jay Pharoah) is thrilled to have Mitt Romney (Jason Sudeikis) and Paul Ryan (Taran Killam) as the secret weapons that should help him get re-elected.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Mitt Romney.

Note: Jay Pharoah finally takes over the impression of President Barack Obama from Fred Armisen.

Transcript

Montage

Seth MacFarlane’s MonologueSummary: Seth MacFarlane voices a conversation between his “Family Guy” characters, then sings a song.

Obama For AmericaSummary: Pro-Obama campaign ad features overexaggerated testimonials regarding Mitt Romney’s behaavior.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

Transcript

Sex After 50Summary: Aggressive producer Roger Brush (Fred Armisen) fills in when the regular female host is too ill to do the show.

Recurring Characters: Roger Brush.

Eastwood and ChairSummary: Following his appearance at the Republican National Convention, Clint Eastwood (Bill Hader) takes his chair and mock interviews with President Barack Obama on the road.

Recurring Characters: Clint Eastwood.

Transcript

LidsSummary: Sullen Lids employees (Taran Killam, Kenan Thompson) find their lives uplifted when Youtube performer Psy (Bobby Moynihan) and Turbo-Psy (Psy) dance among their store’s merchandise.

Puppetry ClassSummary:

Transcript

Frank Ocean and John Mayer perform “Thinkin Bout You”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Honey Boo Boo (Vanessa Bayer) and her mom (Bobby Moynihan) gab their thoughts about the upcoming Presidential election. Olympic athlete Ryan Lochte (Seth MacFarlane) is excited about the Fall season’s new TV offerings. Mimi Morales (Cecily Strong) discusses the Latino vote at this year’s Presidential election.

Drill SergeantSummary: Stutter-prone drill sergeant (Seth MacFarlane) taunts his soldiers with dares to call him on his stuttering.

Transcript

Steve HarveySummary: Hosting his new afternoon talk show, Steve Harvey (Kenan Thompson) helps a dull man (Seth MacFarlane) spice up his love life by dressing just like him.

Recurring Characters: Steve Harvey.

First DateSummary: Ryan (Seth MacFarlane) and his date (Nasim Pedrad) are all about doing voices to calm their nerves during their blind date.

Frank Ocean and John Mayer perform “Pyramids”

Wooden Spoon WarehouseSummary: Ezekiel Yoder (Seth MacFarlane) and Elijah Yoder (Tim Robinson) recite the strange symbols of their product’s new web address.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts