Porn Stars with Seth Rogen and James Franco – Sunseeker Yachts

Brecky….Vanessa Bayer

Friend….Cecily Strong

Captain Jack Swallow….James Franco

James Franco….Seth Rogen

Brecky: Luxurence
Friend: Frills
Brecky: Lavishable
Friend: Disrabable
Both: The amazement. Sun Sinker Yachts. (They wildly mispronounce ‘yachts’ everytime)
Friend: All the glycerince of a floating sea castle
Brecky: You’ll feel like a real housewife of Atlantis
Both: With Sunsinker Yachts.
Brookie: Hi, we aren’t porn stars anymore. I’m Brecky.
Friend: No, that’s your name.
Brecky: And we aren’t porn stars anymore. But that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy the freedom of standing at the front of a ship and getting blasted in the face.
Friend: And they’re perfect. For occasions like:
Brecky: Whale Washing
Friend: Jail release party
Brecky: Hey, you just knocked over a lighthouse you idiot
Friend: and Bermuda four-way. I guarantee it. You’ll feel like you’re getting it in all the portholes in once.
Brecky: You’ll feel like you’re on the maiden voyage of the Tightanus
(the guys are wheeled on stage in boats, dressed as captains)
Seth: Did someone say
James: That sounds fishy?
Both girls: No, not yet, no… (the guys are wheeled offstage) With Sunsinker Yachts.
Friend: One time I thought I banged a merman, but it was just a guy with long hair and eczema. I was like, “We’re gonna need a bigger throat. Thanks Yachts.”
Brecky: I lost my foot, in my butt. It used to be on my leg, until I tried to kick a squirrell and missed really bad. Now when someone’s like, “Sit on it,” I’m like, “You mean stand on it?” And either way, they’re like, “Get out of here.”
Friend: One time, I thought I got banged into another dimension like Innersmaller, but I was just stuck in a pull-out couch. I was like, “What does pull out mean?”
Brecky: Hey remember getting water in your ear? It’s like…
(they both ‘practice’ getting water out of their ear and ad lib ‘get out of there,’ ‘that’s my ear,’ etc.)
(the guys are wheeled on stage in boats, dressed as captains)
Seth: Did someone say
James: That sounds fishy?
Girls: Okay, go now, go…
(the guys stand up out of the boats)
James: Hi, I’m captain Jack Swallow of the Black Pearl Necklace
Seth: And I’m James Franco
James: We’re the captains of Nautical-themed pornography. You might remember me as Tom Yanks in the move Blastaway.
Seth: And I was the star of the TV series Freaks and Queefs
James: But you don’t need a PhDong in Ocean Porn to appreciate Seersucker Yachts. Seersucker Yachts, They’re Yachts in Seersucker suits! Cause, why not? Yachts can be fancy too sometimes.
Brecky: Hey, what are you saying? We’re trying to do this AD and get free boats from
Both Girls: Sunsinker Yachts.
Both Guys ad lib: Oh right, The crime, Wink wink, etc…
Seth: So, dress your yacht up in a seersucker suit like he’s at the Kentucky Furby
James: And to our high school film teacher who said, “You’ll never star in 300 underwater pornos,” Why would you say that, dude?
Seth: So get sunsinker Yachts today. The only thing you need to bring is…
Brecky: A sense of adventure
Friend: Butt beads
Guys: With Sunsinker Yachts!

SNL Transcripts: Chris Pratt: 09/27/14

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 40: Episode 1

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

September 27th, 2014

Chris Pratt

Arianna Grande


Anna Faris

The Weekend


State of the UnionSummary: Candy Crowley (Aidy Bryant) discusses the NFL’s recent troubles with Ray Lewis (Kenan Thompson) and Shannon Sharpe (Jay Pharoah).

Recurring Characters: Candy Crowley, Shannon Sharpe.



Chris Pratt’s MonologueSummary: Chris Pratt sings a song about how great it is to host “Saturday Night Live”.

Cialis TurntSummary: Man (Taran Killam) uses extra-strength erection pill to ensure he has a stylin’ boner.

ToysSummary: On his birthday, a lonely boy’s (Kyle Money) wish for his He-Man (Chris Pratt) and Lion-O (Taran Killam) toys to come alive backfires when they’d rather fondle one another and hit on his mom (Aidy Bryant).

Animal HospitalSummary: Nurses (Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon, Chris Pratt) at veterinarian’s office alert customers that their pets have died.

MarvelSummary: New line of Marvel films are made with no original thought and guaranteed to attract audiences everywhere.

Ariana Grande performs “Break Free”

Weekend Update with Colin Jost & Michael CheSummary: Girl (Cecily Strong). Leslie Jones comments on being a single black woman in today’s world. Pete Davidson comments on the business sensibility in going down on a guy. Colin Jost and Michael Che advise President Barack Obama to cheer up by delivering sensible advice.

Recurring Characters: Girl.

Booty RapSummary: At a bar, (Aidy Bryant) hits on (Chris Pratt) by rapping about her big fat ass.

Bad BoysSummary: In a spoof of 90’s sitcoms, (Chris Pratt) falls in with a group of young bad boys, nearly alienating himself from his roommates (Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney).

NFL On CBSSummary: Members of the Baltimore Ravens and the Carolina Panthers introduce themselves and list their recent crimes.


Ariana Grande and The Weekend perform “Love Me Harder”

Puzzle World 6Summary: Man (Chris Pratt) and woman (Vanessa Bayer) from Puzzle World make out every time their test users complete a puzzle piece.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

SNL Transcripts