Film Panel: Season 44 Episode 2

Karen Domineau…..Aidy Bryant

Marion Cotillard…..Cecily Strong

Allison Janney…..Heidi Gardner

Sandra Oh…..Awkwafina

Debette Goldry…..Kate Mckinnon

[56th New York Film Festival’s intro plays. Cut to the show where the host and four actresses are sitting]

Karen Domineau: Welcome to the 2018 New York Film Festival Actress round table. [Cut to Karen Domineau] Tonight’s topic “Me too, year two, how we doing Hollywood?” Joining me are some of today’s brightest stars. First, Marion Cotillard.

Marion Cotillard: [Cut to Marion Cotillard] Yes, je m’appelle, hello.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] She’s an Oscar winner. And also I guess on the show ‘Mom,’ Miss Allison Janny.

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Yeah, well that’s me pumpkin.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] Next, the start of Grey’s Anatomy and Killing Eve, Sandra Oh.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] Hello, it’s an honor to play woman who give long speeches immediately after a shower.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] And finally a legend of such classis Hollywood films as Shimmy on the Train Tracks and The Jiggle Sisters, The incomparable Debette Goldry.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry ] Thank you. I’m- I’m so happy to be here is what I wanted to say on my tombstone. Would someone write that down?

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] Miss Goldry, I have to say I’m such a fan. I have all your movies.

Debette Goldry: Oh, and I have no idea who either of us is.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to host and the actresses] All right. Well, this week marks the one year anniversary of [Cut to Karen Domineau] the Harvey Weinstein story. Despite the strides, Hollywood has made, what still needs to change?

Marion Cotillard: [Cut to Marion Cotillard] You know, some of these men producers are terrified to meet alone with a woman. They need to stop shouting us out.

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] They need to give bad men second chances.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] They need to stop using our fingerprints when they commit party murders.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] I’m sorry, what?

Debette Goldry: It’s a huge problem in Hollywood that, you know. [Cut to Debette Goldry] These men, they’ll have a party at a house in Palm Springs. Some girl takes a nap in the pool. And they’re all, “Please baby, just touch the knife. I’ll buy you a sweater. Be a pal.” You girls know what I’m talking about.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] No, I’ve never experienced anything like that.

Debette Goldry: Okay, see? Progress.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] So, how do you all think that the movement has spread to the culture at large?

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] You see it with politics now. More women are coming forward.

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Let me tell you, these politicians can defend their supreme court justice all they want, but usually when they’re smoke there’s fire.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] And when there’s fire, there’s Rita Hayworth taking a cigarette nap. That sleepy bitch.

Marion Cotillard: [Cut to Marion Cotillard] You- you can see it in those hearings. You know, there’s a double standard. If a woman acted the way he did, she’d be labeled hysterical.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Now, I was labeled hysterical once. I asked them to clean [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] my costume in between shoot days. And they sent me to a spa to relax and get a lobotomy. And now I cannot think or smell.

Sandra Oh: Oh my god, are you okay?

Debette Goldry: I think so.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] How has the movement affected the types of roles you’re being offered?

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] It’s exciting that this has sort of compounded the existing conversation of representation. There’s so many roles for Asian women today where before there were almost none.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Now What? That’s not true. There were plenty of fabulous parts for Asian gals in the 1940, and I played all of them.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] And that’s offensive.

Debette Goldry: No it’s not Sinder Hoe, I was a brunette. What’s the damn problem?

Sandra Oh: I’m going to ignore all of that because I really like her. I think this moment is an opportunity women are coming forward with stories from a long time ago, and they need to be heard.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Yeah. I actually would like to come forward about something that happened to me a long time ago. I was babysitting for a very powerful family. Have you heard of the Lindberghs?

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Yeah. Wait, did you lost the Lindbergh baby?

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Well, Ish! I left him on a porch with a sign that said: “Famous baby, please don’t steal.” What could I do? I had an audition. Silver lining, I booked it. I was the queen of Siel.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] How Okay. I’m just going to reset because my boss is here. Do you think there’s a place for men in this movement?

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Absolutely, we need male allies.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Right. Male allies. That means gay husband, right? I had a lot of male allies.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] I just want to say that there are plenty of good men who collaborate with women and respect their ideas.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Yes, that’s right. I had that kind of relationship with Orson Wells when he made CDs and came. I was the one that gave him the idea for a rosebud. But I wasn’t talking about a darn sled. I was talking about my wet hole. [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry]

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] Okay. I’m afraid that we’re out of time.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Oh good. Just in time for my cigarette nap. Can we dim the lights, please?

[Closing screen to 56th New York Film Festival playing]

Brett Kavanaugh Post-Game Cold Open: Season 44 Episode 2

Don Lemon…..Kenan Thompson

Dana Bash….. Heidi Gardner

Senator Mitch McConnell…..Beck Bennett

Lindsey Graham…..Kate McKinnon

Susan Collins…..Cecily Strong

Jeff Flake…..Pete Davidson

Rachel Mitchell…..Aidy Bryant

Senator Chuck Schumer…..Alex Moffatt

[News starting. Cut to Don Lemon as a news reporter.]

Don Lemon: Good evening. I am Don Lemon. We’ve all just witnessed history as Judge Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed by the Senate to become a justice of the Supreme Court. There have been protests in Washington and several cry breaks here at CNN. It’s a somber day for many Americans. We now go live to Dana Bash who is with Senate Republicans.

Dana Bash: [Cut to Dana Bash as a news reporter with Senate Republicans.] Don, I’m here in the GOP locker room where the mood is nothing short of euphoric.

John Kennedy: Whoo! We’re going to Kavanaugh this tonight. Let’s Ralph till we Moo!

Dana Bash: Thank you, Senator Kennedy.

Don Lemon: [Cut to split screen display with Don Lemon at left and Dana Bash at right.] Quite the display Dana.

Dana Bash: That’s right Don. There are a lot of pacemakers being put to the test tonight. [Cut to Dana] And I see Mitch McConnell here. Mitch, how are you feeling?

Mitch McConnell: Oh, oh, that was awesome! Whoo!

Dana Bash: Do you feel like this is a win you can be proud of?

Mitch McConnell: Oh, hell yeah Dana! Republicans read the mood of the country, and we could tell the people really wanted Kavanaugh. Everyone’s pumped from white men over 60 to white men over 70. We did it. We got the PJ and Squee.

Dana Bash: Put this victory in context.

Mitch McConnell: Oh, it’s up there with Vietnam for sure. I mean this is historic.

John Kennedy: Uh, winning!

Dana Bash: And um, Lindsey- Lindsey Graham. Do you have a moment?

Lindsey Graham: All righ- Woo! How amazing is this, huh? We- we made a lot of women real worried today but I’m not getting pregnant, so I don’t care. Um, here. Take a- take a Kavanaugh world champion hat.

Dana Bash: Um, yeah, no! I’m not wearing that. Um, oh Lindsey, walk us through the final confirmation.

Lindsey Graham: Well, oh man! Well for a while we thought it was going to be tied and we were going to have to go with our closer mock pants. He was going to jog in to Metallica’s Enter the Sadman and start throwing votes at 100mph. But thank the male lord that was not necessary. Helped a lot. The democrat Joe Manchin scored in his own goal. That was dope. And well, we couldn’t have done it without Susan Collins. Susan, get over here.

Susan Collins: Do I attack again?

Lindsey Graham: No girl, no! No! But seriously, this was all Susan.

Susan Collins: Oh, please. The last thing I wanted was to make this about me. That’s why I told everyone to tune in at 3 PM so I could tell all my female supporters, “Psyche!”

Dana Bash: And you don’t think that Brett Kavanaugh did anything wrong?

Susan Collins: Listen, I think it’s important to believe women until it’s time to stop. But I also believe that you know, I’m a guy’s gal, okay? I can party with the big dogs and “Whoo!” You know? We’re going to have fun tonight.

John Kennedy: Whoo! That’s our girl. Our one girl.

Susan Collins: Yeah. Also now we’re going to party like it’s 2021, Susan Rice takes my seat.

Dana Bash: And Senator Jeff Flake was also reportedly on the fence until yesterday. Senator Flake?

Jeff Flake: Oh hey, yeah! Obviously, I was really sad about the whole process as you could tell from my resting bitch face. And I really considered all the testimony because this was such a–

Lindsey Graham: Got you! Oops!

Jeff Flake: You stinker!

Mitch McConnell: We all know who .you are. Flake the snake! You were never voting, no.

Jeff Flake: Okay. You got me. I stink.

Lindsey Graham: Seriously, this one is about the fans. They’ve been there for us all week cheering and screaming outside of our offices.

Dana Bash: I’m sorry. You think those were fans?

Lindsey Graham: Oh yeah, for sure. And I know that they agree with us because they’re shouting out me too.

Dana Bash: Okay. And I see that the Arizona prosecutor they hired is here as well.

Rachel Mitchell: Yeah. I sure am. I sure am. What’s up women? I hope I did you proud. I think I helped.

Dana Bash: And what’s next for you Rachel?

Rachel Mitchell: Oh well, I’m flying South West Airlines back to Arizona like a freaking champ.

Don Lemon: [Cut to split screen display with Don Lemon at left and Dana Bash at right.] Dana, I hate to interrupt you.

Dana Bash: No, please do. I need a break from this.

Don Lemon: Okay, well then let’s throw it over to Kate Bennett [Cut to split screen display with Don Lemon at left and Kate Bennett at right.] who’s with the losing team Chuck Schumer.

Kate Bennett: Senator Schumer, [Cut to Kate Bennett interviewing Chuck Schumer.] what went wrong?

Chuck Schumer: Well, my doctor thinks it might be Sciatica.

Kate Bennett: No, I mean with the Kavanaugh vote?

Chuck Schumer: Oh, right. Yes, well the Dems lost in other one. Yes. This is what we do now. Um, look, we thought this time would be better than Anita hill hearing because Dr. Ford was white.  Um, but then it turned out Brett Kavanaugh was white too and you know, we were completely blind-sighted by that.

Kate Bennett: Understood. And I see Senator Joe Manson, the one Democrat yes vote is heading this way right now.

Chuck Schumer: Hey Joe, listen, no hard feelings.

Joe Manson: Nut job. Oh!

Kate Bennett: Dana, back to you.

Dana Bash: [Cut to Dana Bash and Senate Republicans celebrating behind her.] Okay. Very cool chill energy here. Several of the senators also appear to be wearing goggles.

Mitch McConnell: That’s right. These are for the Miller High Life, the champagne of beers.

Lindsey Graham: To celebrate Brett Kavanaugh, the naughty life of judges. All right, now listen everyone, let’s keep this corny male energy going to the mid-term.

All: And live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!