SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Bee Hospital



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1



75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Bee Hospital

Written by: Rosie Shuster

Nurse #1…..Jane Curtin
Mr. Bee #1…..Dan Aykroyd
Nurse #2…..Laraine Newman
Mr. Bee #2…..Garrett Morris
Nurse #3…..Gilda Radner
Mr. Bee #3…..John Belushi
Mr. Bee #4…..Chevy Chase

[ open on “Bee Hospital” title card, over organ-flavored soap opera music ]

Announcer: and now we return to “Bee Hospital.”

[ dissolve to Bee Hospital waiting room, as prospective bee dads pace around one another ] [ Nurse #1 enters carrying baby bee ]

Nurse #1: Mr. Bee!

Mr. Bee #1: Yes?

Nurse #1: Congratulations! It’s a drone!

Mr. Bee #1: It’s a drone! It’s a drone!

[ the other Bees congratulate him accordingly, as Mr. Bee #1 follows Nurse #1 out of the scene ] [ the pacing continues, as Nurse #2 enters carrying baby ]

Nurse #2: Mr. Bee?

Mr. Bee #2: Yes?

Nurse #2: Congratulations! It’s a drone!

Mr. Bee #2: It’s a drone! It’s a drone!

[ the other Bees congratulate him accordingly, as Mr. Bee #2 follows Nurse #2 out of the scene ] [ the pacing continues, as Nurse #3 enters carrying baby ]

Nurse #3: Mr. Bee?

Mr. Bee #3: Yes?

Nurse #3: Congratulations! It’s a worker!

Mr. Bee #3: [ on the verge of disappointment ] It’s a worker?

Other Bees: Hey, it’s a worker. It’s a worker.

Mr. Bee #3: [ happily ] Awwww, it’s a worker!

[ dissolve to title card ]

Announcer: Thus, concludes this week’s chapter of “Bee Hospital.” And, now, a scene from next week’s episode of “Bee Hospital.”

[ dissolve back to the Bee Hospital waiting room, as the prospective bee dads continue to pace around one another ] [ Nurse #1 enters carrying baby bee ]

Nurse #1: Mr. Bee?

Me. Bee #4: Yes?

Nurse #1: Congratulations, Mr. Bee, it’s a queen!

[ the full group of Bees cheer triumphantly ] [ dissolve back to title card ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Janis Ian performs “In The Winter”



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1



75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Janis Ian performs “In The Winter”

from the album: Between the Lines (1975)

…..George Carlin
…..Janis Ian

Janis Ian:
“The days are okay,
I watch the TV in the afternoon.

If I get lonely,
The sound of other voices,
Other rooms, are near to me,
I’m not afraid.

The operator,
She tells the time,
It’s good for a laugh.

There’s always radio,
And for a dime, I can talk to God,
Dial-a-Prayer,
Are you there?
Do you care?
Are you there?

And in the winter,
Extra blankets for the cold,
Fix the heater, getting old.
I am wiser now, you know,
And still as big a fool
Concerning you.

I met your friend.
She’s very nice,
What can I say?

It was an accident,
I never dreamed we’d meet again this way,
You’re looking well.
I’m not afraid.

You have a lovely home,
Just like a picture.
No, I live alone.

I found it easier,
You must remember how I never like
The party life,
Up all night,
Lovely wife,
You have a lovely wife.

And in the winter,
Extra blankets for the cold,
Fix the heater, getting old.
You are with her now, I know,
I’ll live alone forever,
Not together now.”

SNL Transcripts