SNL Transcripts: Susan St. James: 10/10/81: McDonald & Wife

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Season 7: Episode 2

81b: Susan St. James / The Kinks

McDonald & Wife

Ronald McDonald…Joe Piscopo
Sally…Susan Saint James

[“McDONALD & WIFE” title shown over theme music. Dissolve to Ronald McDonald in bed with Sally, whose head is bobbing up and down under the covers]

Sally: I can’t find it! I can’t find it! I can’t find it! [Comes out from under the covers]

Ronald McDonald: Aw, come on, honey!

Sally: The gun, honey. If we could just find the gun, then we’d know [begins kissing Ronald] who the killer is.

Ronald McDonald: Oh, Sally, don’t worry about it! [Rolls over while embracing Sally] In fact, don’t worry about a thing! [They kiss passionately] Bigger breasts!

Sally: Oh, Mac!

Ronald McDonald: No no, not yours, Sally, McMarilyn’s breasts. [Rolls over and lays on his back in bed] Did you notice them at the party tonight?

Sally: I wasn’t looking at McMarilyn’s breasts.

Ronald McDonald: Yeah, they were huge. They were like a pair of McMelons, I’m telling you. You know, I bet you she’s hiding something in there.

Sally: Oh, Mac, you’re so smart! [Moves in to kiss him] You always come up with the clues! [Both chuckle] It fell. [Ronald becomes sad] Oh, I mean McMildred’s souffle fell. [They kiss] Have you ever known one of McMildred’s souffles to fall? [kiss] That means that when the murderer [kiss] went upstairs [kiss] and shot your mother [kiss] that the s–when the body hit the ground [kiss] the souffle fell [kiss] and McMildred didn’t serve it! [kiss] That means the gun is in the souffle! [kiss]

Ronald McDonald: And the murderer is [kiss]

Both: McMildred!

Sally: [Starts to get out of bed] Oh, I’m going to go tell McEnright.

Ronald McDonald: [Stops her] Uh, McLater.

[She climbs back into bed and begins making out with Ronald]

Sally: All right!

[Fade to “McNeil/Lehrer & Wife” graphic]

Announcer: Join us next week for “McNeil/Lehrer & Wife”!

Submitted by: John Ravetti

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