SNL Transcripts: Louis Gossett, Jr.: 10/02/82: Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood



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  Season 8: Episode 2





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82b: Louis Gossett, Jr. / George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers

Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood

Mr. Robinson…..Eddie Murphy
…..Mr. T

Mr. Robinson: [ singing ]“It’s a beautiful day in the neigborhood
A beatuful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

I always wanted to live in a house like yours, my friend
Maybe when there’s nobody at home, I’ll break in!

So, I married a woman who said she was rich,
Spent all of her money, walked out on the bitch!
Won’t you be my..
Won’t you be my..
Won’t you be my neighbor??”

Hello, boys and girls! [ changes his shoes ] You’re probably wondering why Mr. Robinson is putting on his glitter shoes. Now, these are rock and roll shoes, boys and girls. And, do you know why? Let’s look at our word for the day. [ points to board reading “SCUMI” ] You can’t read it, boys and girls, because it’s the Soul Train Scramble Board! [ rearranges the letters to spell “MUSIC” ] There’s our word for the day! [ walks over to a set of drums ] See what these are, boys and girls? They’re drums. That’s a beautiful instrument, you know. You know where drums come from? Africa! You know where these drums come from? Smokey Robinson was at the Apollo Theater, and left his van open in the back of the place. I ripped him off! I wonder how Smokey is gonna sound with no percussion? You know what drums sound like, boys and girls? Listen. [ starts beating the drums, making quite a racket until the phone rings, eliciting a face ]That’s the telephone, boys and girls! Let’s see who it can be. [ answersphone ] WHO IS IT!! What?! Oh, that ain’t loud – this is loud! [ blows his whistle into the phone, then hangs up and smiles ] Now, where were we, boys and girls? [ returns to banging his drums ] [ a knock is heard at the door ]

Voice at Door: Mr. Robinson! Robinson! I know you’re in there! Stop beating them drums! You hear me?

Mr. Robinson: That’s my new neighbor. But don’t be scared, boysand girls, I just installed a new lock! He’ll never get in here!

[ continues to bang his drums, as the door is busted through, and Mr. T enters, grabbing Robinson by the throat ]

Mr. T: Hello, boys and girls. The new word for today.. is “pain”. [ to Robinson ] Sing the song!

Mr. Robinson: [ singing ] “A very happy.. tomorrow.. to you..”

Mr. T: Goodnight, boys and girls.

[ continues to strangle Mr. Robinson as title fades in ]

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SNL Transcripts: Louis Gossett, Jr.: 10/02/82: Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 2



Search Now: In Association with Amazon.com


82b: Louis Gossett, Jr. / George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers

Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix

Mrs. T…..Robin Duke
…..Mr. T

[FADE IN on a minibar with Mr. T. standing in front and Robin Duke as Mrs. T standing behind the counter. She is wearing a pink sleeveless vest and a bald wig, plus a light orange Mohawk with feathers attached.)

Mrs. T: [hollering in a hoarse voice] You’s meetin’ me and my husband Mr. T!! You should be drinkin’ Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix!! I pity the fool that doesn’t drink it!! I pity the fool!! Ain’t that right, Mr. T?!

Mr. T: [points and snarls at camera] I pity the fool!

Mrs. T: Now if you want the real Bloody Mary, you come to my apartment tonight, I SHOW you a real Bloody Mary!! You hear?!

Mr. T: [points at her] She showed me!

Mrs. T: [yells at him] Shut it off, old man, and lemme finish!! The strategy for a real bloody Mary is three parts Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix, and one part vodka!

[She dumps a bunch of mix into a glass, then dashes in some vodka]

Mrs. T: Then you drink it down!

[She chugs drink and wipes off her mouth]

Mrs. T: That’s MEAN! Now if any man says to me he doesn’t want Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix, I say to him, “SHUT UP, OLD MAN!! SHUT UP!!” Then I kill him to death!! I kill the man!! But I pity him first!!! It’s a bloody shame! It’s Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix!!

Mr. T: [pointing and glowering at camera] Buy it, or I’ll kill you!

[Mr. and Mrs. T pick up their drinks and smash them together so hard that the tumblers break. Plastic shards and liquid spill on the bar as Mr. and Mrs. T lick Bloody Mary mix off their hands and glare at each other. Mrs. T holds out her hands as if to say, “You want a piece of me?” FADE OUT.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

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