SNL Transcripts: Louis Gossett, Jr.: 10/02/82: The Web



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 2



Search Now: In Association with Amazon.com


82b: Louis Gossett, Jr. / George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers

The Web

[ shown: exterior of house at night ]

Announcer: It’s a beautiful summer night. A perfect night for aburglery.

[ cut to close-up of a wallet and watch being picked up from a dresser,then burgler leafing through wallet ]

This man is a thief. But now you can stop him before he steals yourvaluables. Before he threatens your family’s security. Now you can stop that burgler – and this is important – before he can get out of his own house!

[ burglar opens front door of his house to prowl into the night, but aseries of alarms suddenly go off, scaring him bback inside ]

Thanks to The Web, by Sentronex. Remember.. he won’t get into your house if he can’t get out of HIS!

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Louis Gossett, Jr.: 10/02/82: Under The Boardwalk



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 2



Search Now: In Association with Amazon.com


82b: Louis Gossett, Jr. / George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers

Under The Boardwalk

…..Joe Piscopo

[FADE IN on a men’s restroom as Joe Piscopo walks in wearing a gray suit and slacks. The first three stalls from the left are all occupied. Joe looks under each door, finally stops at the last stall, steps in, and closes the door. His feet can be seen as he sits on the toilet and pulls down his pants. After a moment, he softly starts humming “Under the Boardwalk” to himself. He pauses a moment, and starts to sing the next verse softly. Another moment later, ZOOM inon his shoes he starts singing for real.]

Joe: [singing]“Under the boardwalk,
Down by the sea, yeah,
On a blanket with my baby,
That’s where I’ll be.”

[PAN along the stalls and past the other men’s feet as they start singing the chorus with Joe. The audience roars with laughter.]

Others: “Under the boardwalk…”

Joe: “Out of the sun,”

Others: “Under the boardwalk…”

Joe: “We’ll be having some fun…”

Others: “Under the boardwalk…”

Joe: “People walking above,”

Others: “Under the boardwalk…”

Joe: “We’ll be falling in love,”

All: “Under the boardwalk… boardwalk.”

[At that moment, Tim Kazurinsky walks in and checks all the stalls. He sings off key in a tuneless voice.]

Tim: “Don’t push me, ‘cause I’m over the edge, and I’m tryin’ not to lose my head, ha-ha…”

[Tim sees all the stalls are occupied, and he turns to leave.]

Tim: [sort of singing] “It’s like a jungle sometimes, make me wonder why the people goin’ under…”

[Right when Tim leaves, Joe bursts back into song as the other guys harmonize.]

Joe: [ singing]“Under the boardwalk,
Down by the sea, yeah,
On a blanket with my baby,”

All: “That’s where I’ll beeeee.”

[ZOOM back and FADE OUT as everyone stands up and flushes the toilet.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts