SNL Transcripts: Brandon Tartikoff: 10/08/83: NBC: Be There

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 9: Episode 1

83a: Brandon Tartikoff / John Cougar

NBC: Be There

Announcer…Joe Piscopo (v/o)

[FADE IN on red letter NBC graphic, with grey background dotted with miniature peacocks as per the 1983 NBC promo graphics]

Announcer: This fall, NBC is getting tough on the competition! Did we say competition? [fade to stills with various show titles and photos] T.J. Hooker? Hotel? Goodnight Beantown? That’s not competition, that’s a load of crap! [fade to candle in book-lined study, pan right to minister sitting in chair reading the Bible] You’d have to be crazy to watch it, or a godless Communist. Right, Reverend?

Rev. Luther Woodhead: [removes glasses, SUPER: “REV. LUTHER WOODHEAD. CHAIRMAN, GOOD CHRISTIANS FOR BETTER TELEVISION”] Anyone who watches Hotel this year on ABC is condemning his soul to eternal damnation! [puts glasses back on and resumes reading]

Announcer: Reason enough to watch NBC, but don’t take our word for it, ask your docton. [fade to doctor standing in operating room]

Doctor: [closes clipboard, SUPER: “A DOCTOR”] As I tell all my patients, CBS’s new fall schedule is a leading cause of heart disease in America.

[fade to NBC peacock ‘Be There’ graphic]

Announcer: NBC. Watch us, or die and go to Hell!

[applause and fade]

Submitted by: Larchman

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Danny DeVito & Rhea Perlman: 10/15/83

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

October 15th, 1983

Danny DeVito

Rhea Perlman

Eddy Grant

Dick Cavett

  • Calvin Klein Cream Pies

  • Danny DeVito & Rhea Perlman’s Monologue

  • Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood

    Recurring Characters: Mister Robinson.

  • Crazy Edelman

  • What Would Frank Do?

    Recurring Characters: Frank Sinatra, Dion Dion.

  • It’s A Small World

  • Odyssey of a Paperclip

  • Espanol Class

  • Bald No More

  • Saturday Night News with Brad Hall

  • Eddy Grant performs “I Don’t Wanna Dance” & “Electric Avenue”

  • Autograph Seekers

  • Book Beat

  • Amos ‘n’ Andy Show

  • Masterpiece Humor

  • Politician Funeral

  • Eddy Grant performs “Living on the Front Line”

    SNL Transcripts