Refrigerator Magnets

Refrigerator Magnets

Mother…..Mary Gross
Doctor…..Rich Hall

[ open on Mother in the kitchen, as little Billy approaches ]

Mother V/O: I’ll never forget the day little Billy came home with stomach pains..

Billy: Mommy..? I have a stomachache..

Mother V/O: At first, nothing seemed unusual – he wasn’t running a temperature. But then I noticed an unusual accumulation of metal objects around Billy’s midsection. That’s when I realized little Billy had been eating.. refrigerator magnets.

[ show Billy being wheeled into the hospital, as a Doctor approaches the camera ]

Doctor: You know, every seven minutes a child is wheeled into the hospital after eating too many refrigerator magnets – those little doodads that resemble cookies and candies and fruits. Sometimes Junior can’t tell them from the real thing. The results.. [ pulls a license plate loose from Billy’s stomach ] ..can be tragic.

[ show Billy on the operating table, as the magnet in his stomach pulls some sharp medical tools toward his abdomen ]

Doctor V/O: Last year, surgeons performed over 9,000 emergency magnectomies. This year, the rate will be even higher.

Doctor: Now, if you suspect that your child is eating magnets, look for these warning signs:

A. Mild stomach pains.

B. An annoying tendancy to point to the north.

C. An unusual attraction to large metal objects.

[ Billy is pulled onto the side of a large rental truck ]

Put magnets behind the fridge, where kids can’t reach them.

Announcer: [ over SUPER ] This message has been brought to you by the REFRIGERATOR MAGNET SAFETY ADVISORY BOARD.

SNL Transcripts

Saturday Night Live: 1984-1985

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 10: 1984-1985

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  • Jim Belushi
  • Billy Crystal
  • Mary Gross
  • Christopher Guest
  • Rich Hall
  • Gary Kroeger
  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus
  • Harry Shearer
  • Martin Short
  • Pamela Stepheson
  • Episodes

  • 10/06/84: (none) / Thompson Twins
  • 10/13/84: Bob Uecker / Peter Wolf
  • 10/20/84: Jesse Jackson / Andrae Crouch, Wintley Phipps
  • 11/03/84: Michael Mckean / Chaka Khan, The Folksmen
  • 11/10/84: George Carlin / Frankie Goes to Hollywood
  • 11/17/84: Ed Asner / The Kinks
  • 12/01/84: Ed Begley, Jr. / Billy Squier
  • 12/08/84: Ringo Starr / Herbie Hancock
  • 12/15/84: Eddie Murphy / Robert Plant & The Honeydrippers
  • 01/12/85: Kathleen Turner / John Waite
  • 01/19/85: Roy Scheider / Billy Ocean
  • 02/02/85: Alex Karras / Tina Turner
  • 02/09/85: Harry Anderson / Bryan Adams
  • 02/16/85: Pamela Sue Martin / Power Station
  • 03/30/85: Mr. T & Hulk Hogan / The Commodores
  • 04/06/85: Christopher Reeve / Santana
  • 04/13/85: Howard Cosell / Greg Kihn
  • SummarySaturday Night Live joins the All-Stars. With the departures of headliners Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo (not to mention Robin Duke, Brad Hall and Tim Kazurinsky), current producer Dick Ebersol decide to bring in some big-name talents to add appeal to the show. These new (to SNL), yet old (to showbiz), talents are two-time host Billy Crystal (“Soap”), Christopher Guest (“This Is Spinal Tap”), Rich Hall (“Not Necessarily The News”), Harry Shearer (from SNL’s 1979 season), Martin Short (“SCTV”) and Pamela Stephenson (“Superman III”).

    Hosts this season included former cast member Eddie Murphy (“Host ‘Saturday Night Live’? Ha!”), and future 1994 cast member Michael McKean.

    Aside from big name talents, SNL’s 10th season is also best remembered for its mainly pre-taped content. Though a majority of is still well-remembered today, it did leave a minimum void for fans of the live anything-can-happen aspect that had captivated viewers for nine years.

    SNL Transcripts