I Play The Maids

I Play The Maids

…..Lorne Michaels
…..Danitra Vance

[ open in Danitra Vance’s dressing room, Danitra’s reflection seen close-up in her mirror, the dressing room dor visible in the background of the mirror ]

Lorne Michaels: [ poking head hrough the open door ] Danitra, five minutes until the “Gone With The Wind” sketch.

Danitra Vance: [ singing ]“I’ve been alive for a long time,
And I played the very first maid.
I cooked the buns,
Nurse the chillings,
Did the house work.
I didn’t care if I got paid.

I played the maid who made the whole world laugh.
I played the maid who sewed Ms. Scarlet’s drapery dress.
I played the maid who helped Mae West get Cary Grant.
I play the maids I played the ma-a-id,

Fine Hollywood tradition,
I gave advice on what to do.
But now I have a more modern position.
I play the maids in prime-time, too.

I played the maid who has a hearty laugh.
I played the maid who’s pale-faced daughter tried to pass.
I was the maid who taught Shirley Temple how to dance.
I play the maids, I play the maids.
I am merry, and I play the maids.”

Lorne Michaels: [ poking his head back through the open door ] Five minutes, Danitra. Five minutes.

Thanks to Michael Cauley of SNL Song Transcriptsfor this transcript.

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tony Danza: 04/19/86

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

April 19th, 1986

Tony Danza

Laurie Anderson

Penn & Teller

  • Randy Quaid’s Vietnam Tale

  • Tony Danza’s Monologue

  • AT&T

  • Nancy Reagan’s Personal Trainer

    Recurring Characters: Nancy Reagan.

  • Laurie Anderson performs “Baby Doll”

  • Lyndon LaRouche Theatre

  • Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

    Recurring Characters: Babette.

  • 30-Second Count

  • Penn & Teller

  • Big-Time Professional Golf

  • Unconditional Love

  • Master Thespian

    Recurring Characters: Master Thespian.

  • Laurie Anderson performs “Day The Devil”

  • Biff & Salena

    Recurring Characters: Biff, Selena.

    SNL Transcripts