SNL Transcripts: John Lithgow: 12/07/85

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 11: Episode 4

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


December 7th, 1985

John Lithgow

Mr. Mister

Sam Kinison

Halley’s CometSummary: Mad scientist Dr. Federico (John Lithgow) warns President Reagan (Randy Quaid) that Halley’s Comet is going to strike the planet Earth.

Recurring Characters: President Ronald Reagan.


John Lithgow’s MonologueSummary: A nervous John Lithgow sings “Getting To Know You” to cope with being on live television.


Where You’re GoingSummary: Self-indulgant yuppies are going straight to Hell.

Note: Repeat from 11/09/85.

Bug Up The ButtSummary: Irritable Bob Danielson (John Lithgow) literally has a bug up his butt.

Master ThespianSummary: Master Thespian (Jon Lovitz) ad his mentor Baudelaire (John Lithgow) compete against on another in an acting duel.

Recurring Characters: Master Thespian, Baudelaire.


Double R RollsRecurring Characters: Rudy Randolph III, Rudy Randolph, Jr.

Mr. Mister performs “Broken Wings”

The Ad CouncilSummary: With a series of changing backgrounds, the Ad Council is able to completely waste your time following its message.


Dad’s ClichesSummary: Debbie’s (Joan Cusack) father (John Lithgow) can only offer cliches in her time of need.


Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

Nancy Reagan’s Showbiz DreamSummary: Nancy Reagan (Terry Sweeney) fantasizes that she’s in Las Vegas performing a rendition of “That Old Black Magic.”

Recurring Characters: Nancy Reagan, Ronald Reagan.

Sam Kinison

Mutiny on the U.S.S. Cameron

TrojansNote: Repeat from 11/16/85.

Mr. Mister performs “Kyrie”

The Limits Of The ImaginationRecurring Characters: Floating Head.


SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: John Lithgow: 12/07/85: The Ad Council

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 11: Episode 4

85d: John Lithgow / Mr. Mister

The Ad Council

[ open on Spokesman walking past an electrical plant, dressed in a business suit ]

Spokesman: It takes many things to make this country great, and energy is just one of them. But there was a time when America needed less of its scarce resources..

[ Spokesman walks into a country plain, now wearing a country shirt, bandanna, and jeans. A cowboy riding a horse can be seen behind him. ]

A time when the cowboy and his horse ruled the fertile farmlands and grasslands of these United States. But now those same grasslands are full of..

[ he walks into a wheatfield, wearing a turtleneck, a flannel shirt and green denim ]

..pollen and other irritants. Now some people don’t get hay fever, but those of us who do, need relief. Relief, and security..

[ he walks past a stock exchange, his outfit changes to a three-piece suit, with glasses ]

..Sound, financial security. The kind of security you get..

[ now walks onto a suburban block, outfit changes to a casual suit ]..from living in a good neighborhood. [ looks up ] Hi, kids! [ his children run up to him, daughter hands him a can of soda ] You know, when I was Tommy’s age, I played little league baseball right over there. [ drinks from can marked “SODA” ] Mmm. That’s cracklin’ good. Let’s go home, kids!

[ they walk towards home ]

Announcer: This message brought to you by The Ad Council. Wasting your time in various ways.. for no good reason.

Thanks to Tony DuMontfor this transcript.

SNL Transcripts

Saturday Night Live: 1985-1986

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 11: 1985-1986

This free script provided by]]>


  • Joan Cusack
  • Robert Downey, Jr.
  • Nora Dunn
  • Anthony Michael Hall
  • Jon Lovitz
  • Dennis Miller
  • Randy Quaid
  • Terry Sweeney
  • Danitra Vance
  • Featuring:

  • A. Whitney Brown (first: 02/08/86)
  • Al Franken (first: 03/22/86)
  • Don Novello
  • Dan Vitale
  • Damon Wayans (last: 03/15/86)
  • Episodes

  • 11/09/85: Madonna / Simple Minds
  • 11/16/85: Chevy Chase / Sheila E.
  • 11/23/85: Pee Wee Herman / Queen Ida & The Bon Temps Zydeco Band
  • 12/07/85: John Lithgow / Mr. Mister
  • 12/14/85: Tom Hanks / Sade
  • 12/21/85: Teri Garr / Dream Academy, The Cult
  • 01/18/86: Harry Dean Stanton / The Replacements
  • 01/25/86: Dudley Moore / Al Green
  • 02/08/86: Ron Reagan / The Nelsons
  • 02/15/86: Jerry Hall / Stevie Ray & Jimmie Vaughn
  • 02/22/86: Jay Leno / The Neville Brothers
  • 03/15/86: Griffin Dunne / Rosanne Cash
  • 03/22/86: George Wendt & Francis Ford Coppola / Philip Glass
  • 04/12/86: Oprah Winfrey / Joe Jackson
  • 04/19/86: Tony Danza / Laurie Anderson
  • 05/10/86: Catherine Oxenberg & Paul Simon / Ladysmith Black Mambazo
  • 05/17/86: Jimmy Breslin & Marvin Hagler / Level 42, E.G. Daily
  • 05/24/86: Anjelica Huston & Billy Martin / George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic
  • SummaryAfter a five-year absence, Lorne Michaels is back as Executive Producer of the mainstream variety classic he introduced late-night viewers to an even-decade earlier. Returning to the helms of his creation, he takes a cue from former producer Dick Ebersol, and brings in his own all-star roster, which includes the familiar likes of Randy Quaid and Anthony Michael Hall to the not-so-familiar likes of Terry Sweeney and Danitra Vance, all the way to the likes of future Hollywood stars Joan Cusack and Robert Downey, Jr. Despite the potential of Lorne’s second cast, only newcomers Nora Dunn, Jon Lovitz and Dennis Miller make it to the next season, Nora with her vain model-turned-talk show host Pat Stevens, Lovitz with his Pathological Liar, and Miller with his almost Christopher Guest-look-a-like appearance behind a resurrected Weekend Update desk.

    Dismal ratings caused Lorne to set the season-ending cast party ablaze,sparing only Jon Lovitz’s life – Dennis Miller and Nora Dunn apparently outsmarted the other cast members and found their own way out!

    SNL Transcripts