SNL Transcripts: Malcolm-Jamal Warner: 10/18/86

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

October 18th, 1986

Malcolm-Jamal Warner


Spike Lee

Sam Kinison

Run-DMC, “Walk This Way”

  • Bartles & Jaymes

    Frank Bartles (Phil Hartman) & Ed Jaymes (A. Whitney Brown) denounce crack.

  • Malcolm Jamal Warner’s Monologue

    Dana Carvey helps self-concious Warner dance in front of the audience.

  • Team Xynex

    Time-saving business helps employees goof off more productively.

  • Donahue

    Donahue (Phil Hartman) talks with women in exploitive relationships.

    Recurring Characters: Phil Donahue.

  • The Crosby Show

    Theo Huxtable (Warner) dreams Bing Crosby (Phil Hartman) is his dad.

  • Run-DMC performs “Walk This Way”

  • Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

    Kevin Nealon rambles on in search of what he’s really trying to say.

    Casey Kasem (Dana Carvey) pronounces Queen #1 rock group of all time.

    Recurring Characters: Casey Kasem.

  • Johnny O’Conner

    End of WWII diminishes Johnny’s (Phil Hartman) film career.

    Recurring Characters: Johnny O’Conner.

  • Instant Coffee

    Mango recalls dating Patrow, and thwarts Matt Damon’s advances.

    Recurring Characters: Candy Sweeney, Liz Sweeney.

  • Contract

    Warner has negogiated a user-friendly parent-teen drunk driving contract.

  • Sam Kinison

    Kinison performs stand-up about growing up in his family.

  • Run-DMC performs “Hit It, Run”

  • Chalk Factory

    Son (Warner) doesn’t want to follow in dad’s (Dana Carvey) footsteps.

  • Buster Poindexter performs “Hit The Road Jack”

    SNL Transcripts

  • Bartles & Jaymes

    Bartles & Jaymes

    Frank Bartles…..Phil Hartman
    Ed Jaymes…..A. Whitney Brown

    Frank Bartles: Hello. I am Frank Bartles. And this is my partner, Ed Jaymes.

    Ed Jaymes: Hello.

    Frank Bartles: We hope you enjoyed the first game of the World Series, we are sorry the Mets lost. But what a slugfest that was. Ed and I have asked the National Broadcasting Company for this time to discuss something that you may heard about – crack. In case you do not get out as much as we do, crack is a drug. Now, Ed and I tried a lot of fool things when we were young, but fortunately we stopped before we suffered any.. permanent damage. Right, Ed?

    Ed Jaymes: [ nods slowly ]

    Frank Bartles: At least, I did. Why, one time, Ed put a penny on a railroad track, and it got real big.. [ Ed extends his arms ] But crack is a different matter. Even a little bit can cause you to become really stupid. That is what makes people do it a second time. Crack is a killer drug. Take it from us. It is ncie to grow old. You can sit on the porch and stare at things all day. Or, you can wave at people as they drive by. Wave, Ed! [ Ed nods ] Wave, Ed! [ Ed waves ] These activities cannot be enjoyed when you are dead!

    Once again, we thank you for your support, and now Ed would like to say a few words.

    Ed Jaymes: “Live.. from New York.. it is Saturday Night.”

    SNL Transcripts