SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 04/21/90: Greenhilly

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 18

Search Now: In Association with

89r: Alec Baldwin / The B-52’s


Mr. Cherrywood…..Alec Baldwin
Julie…..Jan Hooks
Madam…..Nora Dunn
Maid…..Victoria Jackson
Harry……Phil Hartman

[ Julie and Mr. Cherrywood enter Greenhilly after playing a game of tennis ]

Julie: Oh, that was great fun, Mr. Cherrywood! We must do it again sometime!

Mr. Cherrywood: If your ideaof great fun is chasing a fuzzy little ball over God’s creation, then I pity you!

Julie: [ laughs ] You know, Mr. Cherrywood, I don’t think you’re half as cranky as you would have ne believe. [ laughs, then notices a bird in the room ] Oh! A bird has flown in! What do we do!

Mr. Cherrywood: We must try to scare it out the door!

Julie: Oh, alright..

Mr. Cherrywood: Here he comes! Here he comes!

[ they swat their racquets at the bird, causing him to dash back outdoors; they quickly close the doors, laugh the incident off, then slowly gaze into one another’s eyes and fall into a passionate kiss ]

Julie: [ fights herself off Mr. Cherrywood’s lips ] I must go. [ runs off ]

Mr. Cherrywood: But, Julie? JUlie!

Maid: [ enters room ] Your tea, Mr. Cherrywood. Where would you like it?

Mr. Cherrywood: Oh, over there is fine. Just put it anywhere..

Maid: [ drops the tray to the floor ] Oh, no! I’m so clumsy! Why did I do that!

Mr. Cherrywood: [ bends down to help ] Oh, don’t worry.. it’s nothing! Here, let me help you..

Maid: Oh, no, you musn’t! It’s my fault, not..

[ their eyes meet, and they fall into a passionate embrace until interrupted ]

Madam: Well.. isn’t this a pretty sight.

Maid: Oh, Madam.. oh.. I was.. just bringing the gentleman his tea, and I tripped.. and he was just being kind to me..

Madam: I can see that. You may go now.

Maid: Yes, Ma’am.. [ stumbles out of room ]

Madam: Mr. Cherrywood, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave Greenhilly.

Mr. Cherrywood: Leave Greenhilly? But why?

Madam: You’re having a very disruptive effect on everyone in the household.

Mr. Cherrywood: What are you talking about?

Madam: Why, even now there’s lipstick all over your face. hold still..

Mr. Cherrywood: Oh, now, don’t bother..

[ she wipes the lipstick off of his face, but also falls prey to his charms, ending in a passionate kiss with him ]

Harry: [ enters, angry ] Just as I thought!

Madam: Harry!! It’s not what it seems!

Harry: Prepare to defend yourself, Mr. Cherrywood! If that’s your real name

Madam: [ runs off ] Oh, help! Someone, please help!

[ the two men exchange punches; Mr. Cherrywood strongholds Harry, who gives up his struggle, looks into Mr. Cherrywood’s eyes and locks himself in a passionate embrace, then quickly breaks free ]

Harry: Well.. I’ll be gonig now.. [ walks out ]

Mr. Cherrywood: But, Harry! Harry! [ spies a dog clawing at the window ] Why, where did you come from? You’re a happy little doggie, aren’t you? Let’s just find out who you belong to. [ tugs dog’s collar, as their eyes fixate on one anothers, and they, too, fall into a passionate embrace ] [ dissolve to title; fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 04/21/90: Alec Baldwin’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 18

Search Now: In Association with

89r: Alec Baldwin / The B-52’s

Alec Baldwin’s Monologue

…..Alec Baldwin
…..Victoria Jackson

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Alec Baldwin!

Alec Baldwin: Thank you very much! It’s great to be here in New York City hosting “Saturday Night Live”. Now, before we get started, I should explain: this is the part of the show I was the most concerned about. You see, most of my recent work has been in films. In the movies, the moment where the audience first sees you is very important. You’ve got to make them respond to you right away. But I wasn’t sure how to do that on live TV, so I asked some of the cast for advice, and they said, “Don’t worry about telling jokes. This is just like the movies. Charm them. Win them over. Get them on your side.” Now that is something I think I know how to do.

[ bends head down, looks up slowly ]

Hi. there!

[ turns head to left side, smiles ]

Well, hello there!

[ turns back to audience, then turns around slowly and pulls off sunlgasses ]

We meet again!

[ camera pans slowly up his legs, revealing Alec with cowboy hat pushed below his eyes; he lifts his hat ]


[ Alec peeks out from behind a curtain ]

Guess who?

Victoria Jackson: Uh.. Alec?

Alec Baldwin: Hello, Victoria.

Victoria Jackson: I think you’ve charmed them enough.

Alec Baldwin: Do you think so? I think it’s working. You can feel it!

Victoria Jackson: Yeah.. Maybe we should move on now.

Alec Baldwin: Let me just try a couple more, okay? The B-52’s are here. [ Victoria tugs Alec ] We’ve got a great show, we’ll be right back!

[ Victoria pulls Alec away from the stage ]

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