SNL Transcripts: Delta Burke: 05/11/91


Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

May 11th, 1991

Delta Burke

Chris Isaak

Madonna

Chris Isaak, “Wicked Game”

  • A Message From the President of the United States

    Recurring Characters: President George Bush.

  • Delta Burke’s Monologue

  • Balz-Off

  • Wayne’s World

    Recurring Characters: Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar.

  • NRA Theatre

  • Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

    On a cowboy literally loving the land.

  • Chris Isaak performs “Wicked Game”

  • Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

  • Weight Watchers Meeting

    Recurring Characters: Stuart Smalley.

  • Hollywood Minute

    Recurring Characters: Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr.

  • Karaoke Hog

  • Chris Isaak performs “Diddley Daddy”

  • Coffee Talk

    Recurring Characters: Paul Baldwin.

  • Yelling At the Kids

    SNL Transcripts

  • Balz-Off


    Balz-Off

    Wife…..Jan Hooks
    Husband…..Kevin Nealon


    Wife: [ entering house ] When I started back to work, there were not enough hours in the day. It seemed that life was divided between my job and my family. I was exhausted and run-down. So I asked my doctor hat to do, and he recommended this.. [ holds up package ] .. Balz-off.

    Husband: Hi, honey! I got off work early, so I came straight home and fixed dinner. But don’t get up – just relax!

    Wife: Non-prescription Balz-Off is safe, gentle to the stomach, and it works.

    Husband: Here you go.

    Wife: Why, thank you, honey!

    Husband: Can I get you anything else?

    Wife: [ as phone rings ] You can get the phone!

    Husband: Sure, I’d love to. [ answers phone ]

    Wife: Balz-off’s time-release formula last a full twenty-four hours. Two Balz-off tablets with breakfast, and he’s home all evening and glad to be there.

    Husband: [ covers mouthpiece of phone ] It’s your mother.

    Wife: I don’t want to talk to her.

    Husband: She’s busy. Oh, no problem, I would love to take you to the florist.

    Wife: It’s easy to use, and it’s effective. Here’s how Balz-off works: [ over silhoette of human male ] Hormonal signals build up here, in the freedom center. These signals are sent to the brain, where they cause pressure and confusion. Balz-Off effectively blocks these signals, eliminating problem behavior before it reaches the brain.

    Husband: Dinner’s on the table.

    Wife: Thanks. Hey.. isn’t tonight your poker night.

    Husband: Yeah, but.. that’s just an excuse to drink beer, smoke big, smelly cigars and talk about women. I don’t think I need that.

    Wife: Oh, honey, I’m so proud of you.

    Announcer: New, prescription-strength Balz-Off. In regular, and new Italian strength.

    SNL Transcripts