• 1995

    SNL Transcripts: Jim Carrey: 05/18/96: Jim Carrey’s Monologue

     Saturday Night Live Transcripts  Season 21: Episode 20 95t: Jim Carrey / Soundgarden Jim Carrey’s Monologue …..Jim CarreyAudience Member…..Adam McKay Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Jim Carrey! Jim Carrey: [ moves his body like a robot, stretches his arms out toward the audience ] People of New York! I mean you no harm! Do not fear me! I come, not to destroy, but to brighten your lives through laughter and merriment! In exchange, I ask nothing more than your unconditional surrender! To “The Cable Guy”! Opening June 14th! And, perhaps, a crack at one of your freaky super models! Our worlds are similar, yet different! Where I come from, minimum…

  • 1995

    SNL Transcripts: Jim Carrey: 05/18/96: Nightline

     Saturday Night Live Transcripts  Season 21: Episode 20 95t: Jim Carrey / Soundgarden Nightline Ted Koppel…..Darrell HammondSen. Bob Dole…..Norm MacDonald [ open on stock footage of Sen. Bob Dole delivering a speech ] Sen. Bob Dole: Thank you very much! Ted Koppel V/O: After 28 years in the Senate.. Bob Dole calls it quits. [ dissolve to “Nightline” opening ] Announcer: This is “Nightline.” Reporting live, from Washington – Ted Koppel. [ dissolve to Ted Koppel ] Ted Koppel: In what many are calling a political Hail Mary pass, Bob Dole, this week, resigned from the Senate, in order to devote his full energies to the presidential campaign. Here to…