Michael Tangelo… Kenan Thompson
Linda Tomorrow…Emily Blunt
Randy Candy… Bobby Moynihan
Real Jeff… Beck Bennett
Pam… Aidy Bryant
[Starts with Pete waiting for the customer in Burger King]
Pete: Welcome to Burger King. Pull around and order at the first window, please.
[Mikey comes through in his pink limo and opens the window. He is wearing green suit.]
Mikey: Wad up?
Pete: Oh! Um, hey. Would you like to try the snickers pie today?
Mikey: Dude, I got a pink Hummer limo filled with party people. Only thing is, we got some empty tummies.
Pete: Okay. Um, how many people are in there?
Mikey: No way to tell, my man! We all just came from an art installation party hosted by our friend Otto the Question. So, let’s start with, um, 20 whoppers.
Pete: Okay. You want whoppers or angry whoppers?
Mikey: Hmm, that is a question for Michael Tangelo. One love.
[Mikey closes his window and moves the limo forward. The second widow opens.]
Michael Tangelo: Wad up?
Pete: Hey. Do you know what you want?
Michael Tangelo: Um, first, good evening. I am Michael Tangelo. Part of the House of Terrific and Artist Collective. Now, what’s this I hear about an angry whopper?
Pete: Um, it’s like a whopper but it’s spicy. It’s got onions rings in it.
Michael Tangelo: In it? So it’s an entrée that ate it’s own side dish? Hmm. I’m gonna let Linda Tomorrow weigh in on this.
Michael Tangelo: Bye, bye.
[Michael Tangelo closes the window. The limo moves forward. The third window opens.]
Linda Tomorrow: Wad up?
Pete: You’re Linda Tomorrow?
Linda Tomorrow: Who’s asking?
Pete: Well, what do you want to eat?
Linda Tomorrow: Ah, yes. I haven’t slum with the normal in so long. I’ll have a burger. Funky style. And make it a magnum XL. Fries, size nine. And a diet mountain don’t size 10.
Pete: Um, well, we just have three sizes ma’am. Small, medium and large.
Linda Tomorrow: A what now and who there?
Pete: Is medium okay?
Linda Tomorrow: Never mind. Just talk to Randy Candy. Good bye.
[Linda Tomorrow closes the window. The limo moves forward. The 4th
window opens. The music is playing inside the limo.]
Randy Candy: Wad up?
Pete: Are you Randy Candy?
Randy Candy: [squeaky voice] Um-hmm. I pet a whimsy and this part of the car is feeling some chicken fries.
Pete: Okay. Um, do you want regular chicken fries or like, the Cheetos chicken fries?
Randy Candy: I’m sorry, what’s the difference?
Pete: Um, the Cheetos chicken fries are covered in Cheeto coating.
Randy Candy: This news will throw this car into chaos. How could you?
[Randy Candy closes the window] [Melissa walks to Pete]
Melissa: What is going on? Have these people ordered yet?
Pete: Um, kind of.
Melissa: What did they order?
Pete: Um, this one lady ordered like a mega-funky burger.
Melissa: We don’t have that.
Pete: Look, I’m trying. I just need to talk to like, one normal person. Sorry.
[Melissa walks away. The 5th
window of the limo opens.] [Kate and Cecily look the same]
Kate and Cecily: Wad up?
Pete: God! Sorry, crazy. Um, are you guys ready to order?
Cecily: Absolutely. We want three food.
Kate: Like, four food. And savory?
Cecily: Let’s be bad. Why not?
Kate: Four food and a nibble.
Pete: Yeah, but like, what food?
Cecily: The only one who can answer this is real Jeff. Bye.
[They close the window. The limo moves forward. 6th
window opens. Real Jeff is sitting with his puppet.]
Real Jeff: Wad up? Give us 20 whoppers and 20 chicken fries.
Pete: Ah! Thank you, dude. Finally. Alright, that’s $hundredfortytwo.eighteen. How would you like to pay?
Real Jeff: Oh, I don’t pay. That’s Pam’s department. Peace.
[Real Jeff closes the window. The limo moves forward. the 7th
door opens. Pam is sitting and someone is massaging her shoulder.]
Pam: Wad up?
Pete: Hey, are you Pam?
Pam: Um, yes sir. I am Pam and I fund this.
Pete: Okay, well it’s $142.18.
Pam: Okay, great, so can you split it on 26 credit cards?
Pete: No, I can’t.
Pam: Okay. Well then, maybe my boyfriend has some cash.
[Pam’s boyfriend is Bruno Mars who shows his face now]
Bruno Mars: Wad up?
Pete: Bruno Mars? What the hell is going on there? You hang with these people?
Bruno Mars: No, they hang with me. You should join us, man.
Pete: Ah! I’m sorry, man! I’m working.
Bruno Mars: It didn’t stop your friend.
[Melissa shows her face inside the window]
Melissa: Oh! Wad up?
Pete: You know what? I’m in.
Bruno Mars: Ay, make some room, Randy Candy!
Pete: I hate Randy Candy!