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Midterm Ad | Season 44 Episode 4

Democrat 1…..Heidi Gardner

Democrat 2…..Beck Bennett

Democrat 3…..Kate McKinnon

Democrat 4…..Jonah Hill

Patient…..Kenan Thompson

Democrat 5…..Leslie Jones

Democrat 6…..Kyle Mooney

Democrat 7…..Pete Davidson

Democrat 8…..Aidy Bryant

[ Democrat 1, wearing a blue sweater, is raking leaves in her front yard while her two children are playing in the leaves. ]

Democrat 1: This Tuesday, November 6th, Democrats are bringing much needed changed to America. There’s a blue wave on the horizon, and I have never felt more confident. [ She raises a thumbs up but her hand is shaking, and she is smiling nervously. ] [ Cut to Democrat 2 standing on sidewalk wearing a blue dress shirt and blue tie. ]

Democrat 2: The Democrats are taking back the House. It’s a win we need and a win we’re going to get. [ He raises his cup of coffee with a shaking hand popping the lid off the cup. ] I’m sure of it. [ He is shaking as he tries to take a sip while spilling coffee all over. ] [ Cut to Democrat 3, in a blue collared top and blue apron, she is arranging flowers in her shop. Her hands are shaking violently, and petals are flying off her flowers as she tries to place them in the vase. ]

Democrat 3: They say don’t trust the polls, but I’m choosing to. We’re finally going to put this administration in check.

[ Cut to Democrat 4, a doctor wearing a lab coat and a blue sweater. He is standing with his patient. ]

Democrat 4: It’s been a minute, but we’re going to win. Nancy Pelosi just said so on Colbert. [ He grabs an oxygen mask and huffs the air. ] [ Cut to Democrat 5 holding a kitty. ]

Democrat 5: White women promised to do the right thing this time. They’re not gonna let us down, right? [ The camera zooms in on the kitty who rolls its eyes and meows. ] [ Cut to Democrat 2 back on the sidewalk. ]

Democrat 2: We’re gonna win! Yeah! [ He takes a joint out of the mouth of a passerby and smokes it. ] [ Cut back to Democrat 3 in her flower shop. ]

Democrat 3: This ones in the bag. [ She is pouring liquor into a flower vase and then takes a large gulp from it. ] [ Cut to Democrat 6 sitting on a park bench. ]

Democrat 6: Sorry, Republicans. This one goes to the, goes to the Democrats.

[ Cut back to Democrat 1 in her front yard. Her children are playing behind her. ]

Democrat 1: And once we win, will everything suddenly get better? No, there’s still a long, hard… KIDS! Go inside! [ She is yelling at her children. ] Mommy told you, go inside till Tuesday!

Kid 1: Till Tuesday?

Democrat 1: Just go the [bleep] inside!

[ Cut to Democrat 7 sitting with his mom, Democrat 8. ]

Democrat 7: Me and my friends can’t wait to vote. So we will see you at the polls, next Thursday.

Democrat 8: Tuesday.

Democrat 7: I know, mom. I’m kidding.

Democrat 8: It was not funny!! [ She slaps democrat 7 across the face. ] [ Cut to Democrat 5 holding two kittens. ]

Democrat 5: So be part of the victory. Get out there and vote.

[ Cut to Democrat 4 with his patient in the examining room. He has his arm around the patient, and he is shaking him. ]

Democrat 4: Promise me, you’re gonna vote!

Patient: I am.

[ Cut to Democrat 2 on the sidewalk. He lifts his arms up to reveal that he is drenched in sweat. ]

Democrat 2: It feels pretty good!

[ Cut to Democrat 1 sitting on her front lawn. She throws some leaves in the air. ]

Democrat 1: We’re gonna win! [ Her two kids peak out the front door. ] Stay in there!!!

[ Cut to Democrat 8 shaking Democrat 7 who is holding his face where he was slapped. ]

Democrat 8: We’re gonna win.

[ Cut to Democrat 3. She is slamming a thumbs up on the table in her flower shop and is visibly drunk. ]

Democrat 3: We got this. [ She screams, and as her scream gets louder, she breaks all the glass in her shop window. ] [ Cut to title screen that reads, “VOTE! PLEASE?” There is a graphic of a red, white, and blue donkey with a nervous look on his face next to the words. ]

Teacher Fell Down | Season 44 Episode 4

Teacher…..Kate McKinnon

Student 1…..Jonah Hill

Student 2…..Pete Davidson

Student 3…..Aidy Bryant

[ Image of outside a high school. The marquee reads “Madison High School” and “Homecoming Next Saturday.” The bell rings. ]

Teacher voiceover: Whoa! [ There is loud thump noise and a group of students gasping. ] [ Cut to the classroom where the teacher is on the floor lying on her side. ]

Teacher: Ha, ha, ha. Teacher fell down.

Student 1: Are you okay?

Student 3: Yeah, ‘cause you really fell down there.

Student 2: Yo, you need like help?

Teacher: No, no. It’s too late for that. Teacher’s on the ground. Like a silly little girl. Well, I’m not a little girl, and I didn’t fall.

Student 1: Yes, you did. Do you wanna like get up, though?

Teacher: No, no. We’re staying in this. ‘Cause, I’ve got a hunch, and I’m not a psychologist.

Student 2: Yo, this is Driver’s Ed.

Teacher: But maybe you’re laughing, ‘cause you’re afraid. Teacher’s on the ground. Everything’s different. Are we okay?

Student 3: Yeah, we’re good. But, are you okay?

Teacher: Oh, ‘cause I tripped. ‘Cause I was teaching too fast. You remember how fast it was?

Student 1: Nah, I think it was just cuz you didn’t realize your shoes were heelys.

Teacher: Say, honey, what now?

Student 2: Uh, heelys are sneakers with wheels in them.

Teacher: Impossible! This is all funny now, but it’s not gonna be funny if it turns out I have two broken legs. And I’m in a full bottom mermaid cast. Wheeled around in a trash bin, covered head to toe in the stinky trash. That’s not funny. Spaghetti in my hair.

Student 1: I think that is funny.

Teacher: Alright, you, you laugh it up. Laugh away like this is some episode of Friend.

Student 3: Do you mean Friends?

Teacher: I don’t know movies.

Student 1: [ He stands up from his desk and heads towards the teacher on the ground. ] I can’t take this, I have to help her.

Teacher: Halt! I can teach from the ground, can’t I? Yes, uh, let’s place our hands on the wheel. Okay, remember, how old are my kids? Ten and two. [ She motions placing her hands on the wheel but then falls over more. She places one finger on her nose. ] Oh. Oh my dear God. Teacher fell more.

Student 1: It’s honestly not that much different. You’re like three inches lower.

Teacher: God, I’m on the ground. Oh! I’m where I belong. They always said I was too frail. Said I wouldn’t live past three. And I wish I hadn’t.

Student 3: Oh no, don’t tell us stuff.

Teacher: You know I’ve fallen down before. Once, at my own wedding. And a thousand other times.

Student 1: Stop sharing.

Teacher: My ex-husband used to tell me, “Gail, you’re too weak. Gail, you’re too clumsy. Gail, those shoes have wheels”. Put that phone away!

[ Student 2 is texting on his cell phone. ]

Student 2: Yo, I’m calling the nurse.

Teacher: You know what? This is good. Film this. Film this. [ The screen cuts to a filming of the teacher on the ground. She is looking into the camera. ] Hello, hello. How does it feel to see teacher? Teacher who used to lord over you with such power, fallen down. Knowing you could get up and kick her. You can step on her. Come on now. Take a wiz on teacher. [ The filming ends. ]

Student 3: Oh my God.

Teacher: Get up you. Spit in my hair.

Student 1: Okay. [ He stands up, but Student grabs him to stop him. ]

Student 2 & 3: Nooo!!!

Student 1: But, she said to. [ He sits back down. ]

Teacher: Look at us. The world has gone topsy-turvy, and so have we. We’re all here we’re all laughing like cats. You oughta try it, falling down. You see the world differently down here. You realize how small we all are, and how big the floor is. Alright, I’ve learned my lesson. Someone help me up. [ She reaches for help but all of the students have left the desks, and she is alone in the classroom. ] Well, they’ve left. I guess school is over. And, what, would you look at that? [ She examines the underside of her shoe. ] There’s a wheel in my shoe. What?!

[ Cut to outside the school. ]