SNL Tonight

Stories from the Show- SNL At Home

[Starts with different videos of news reporting about “SNL At Home.”]

Man: Getting to laugh his weekend, tune in to SNL. It is going remote.

[Cut to another news]

Man: Saturday Night Live returns with all new episode from home.

[Cut to another news]

Woman: It’s going to be fascinating to see them in their element in their home.

[Cut to another news]

Man: I can’t wait to see how they pull that off.

[Cut to Pete Davidson at home.]

Pete Davidson: Initially, I was like, “Oh, man. This is going to suck.” [laughing] [Cut to “Stories From The Show- And SNL Series” video bumper.] [Cut to the ending of Daniel Craig’s SNL episode.] [audience cheering]

Daniel Craig: I’m Daniel Craig. This has been Saturday Night Live. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Cut to Mikey Day at home.]

Mikey Day: That last show, it didn’t feel like, we wouldn’t be coming back. There was no indication that that would kind of be out live show season finale.

[Cut to Pete Davidson.]

Pete Davidson: I think I got an email that was just sent to everybody and they were like, “Hey, we’re going to do it at home now.

[Cut to Mikey Day.]

Mikey Day: I remember being a little perplexed as to how we would do it.

[Cut to Anna Drezen at home.]

Anna Drezen: SNL’s so much chaos. So, one sort of grounding force we have is the audience.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim at home.]

Ego Nwodim: We do a multi cam live sketch show. So, we feed off of the studio audience.

[Cut to a part of a news sketch ‘Mid-Day News’ with Phoebe Waller-Bridge.]

Phoebe Waller-Bridge: The suspect described as a white male–

Kenan Thompson: Whooow!

Ego Nwodim: Love it!

[Kenan and Ego doing high-five.] [Cut to Kenan Thompson at home.]

Kenan Thompson: The show has always been at 8H. We’ve always done it at 30 Rock.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: But if everyone else is in, I am in and I’m excited. Coz what else am I doing? I’m home.

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: This equipment would arrive at our house. And we’d be like, “What is this? I guess there’s a sketch involving a green screen.” [Cut to Mikey Day fixing camera and his green screen] So, now we have a green screen.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: For the first show, we did a Zoom table read.

[Cut to SNL Table Read show.]

Kenan: I hope you guys enjoy our table read here and we’ll see what we come up with on Saturday. This is crazy.

[Cut to Ego Ngodim}

Ego Nwodim: And one of the sketches we read at the table was the dating show.

[Cut to Beck Bennett from the sketch “How Low Will You Go?”]

Beck Bennett: Hello and welcome to “How Low Will You Go?”

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: The most surreal moment, there was a dating show. I got up and stood on the side of my little computer area waiting for my cue as they were doing the sketch on Zoom. And it feels kind of like, the normal show, you’re waiting for your cue.

[Cut to Mikey Day from the sketch “How Low Will You Go?”]

I just remember having a distinct moment thinking like, “I will remember this forever.

[Cut to Heidi Gardner setting up the equipments at her home.]

Heidi Gardner: You’re setting up a ring light and the green screen and all these things that you don’t usually do. So, then by the time you’re shooting the thing, you’re just overwhelmed.

[Cut to Anna Drezen]

Anna Drezen: It was also crazy because our first show back, Hal Willner died.I just like, can’t picture working on the sketch without talking to him. It was very difficult.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: This was challenging. It was hard but we were in it together. And that was really nice.

[Cut to Bowen Yang at home]

Bowen Yang: For the SoulCycle sketch, my next door neighbor yelled lines in response to my lines.

[Cut to Bowen Yang from the sketch SoulCycle from home.]

Bowen Yang in sketch: It’s crazy to think that people can be watching this anywhere from Los Angeles to California.

[Cut to Bowen Yang]

Bowen Yang: I heard my neighbor say, “Los Angeles is in California.” Like, they didn’t get that I was shooting a sketch. I knocked on their door. I was just like, “We’re shooting this thing. I apologize. It won’t happen again.” But maybe it will happen again in two weeks.

[Cut to Pete Davidson]

Pete Davidson: The first thin I did was I did the Drake song and the Andre 2000 song. It was super weird. We would go outside and dance in the middle of the street. And then like, my neighbor would come and get his mail and just look up. And I’d be like, [smiling] “SNL at home. Ha-ha-ha.”

I had this other song that I was working on that I just on a whim sent to Sandler, and he ended up liking it. And then, he was just like, “I’m gonna do a verse on this.” And I was like, “Holy [bleep]. This is crazy.” And that is, by far, my favorite SNL moment that I’ve ever had for sure.

[Cut to Heidi Gardner.]

Heidi Gardner: It got better as the weeks went on.

[Cut to a sketch “FaceTime with Rudd”]

Mandy: Hello?

Paul Rudd: Mandy?

Mandy: Yeah. Mandy.

[Cut to Heidi Gardner.]

Heidi Gardner: I guess slowly, things just stopped being as overwhelming.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: And then the second one, we cranked it up a notch because now we had time to send wigs out and send costumes and it was obvious in that second episode.

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: I guess one of the best part was how our families got involved. My 7-year-old son, he would be in our read through.

[Cut to SNL cast having Zoom meeting. Mikey Day’s son is with him.]

Mikey Day on meeting: It’s hard on them too.

Mikey Day’s son: Like this bitch knows anything.

[everyone laughing] [Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: We worked on this dad prank sketch.

[Cut to clips from the sketch ‘Dad Prank.’]

I wrote him a thank you. Right now, it’s just kind of annoying to have to go up and shoot and stuff. But when you’re older, I think you’ll think it’s pretty cool that you got to be a part of this show.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: Watching my daughter watch herself in my intro on the show, she was just beaming. She just couldn’t stop smiling. I mean, I could have cried watching that.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson with his daughters waving ‘bye’ at the camera] To see what you do immediately impact your child like that, that was a very touching moment.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: At home episodes sort of felt like, we got a job to do here. And it just sort of felt like an experimental thing.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: Specially when Brad Pitt said it like, “Live–

[Cut to sketch with Brand Pitt.]

Brad Pitt: — kinda’, from all across America, it’s Saturday Night.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: It’s like, “Okay, we’re getting a glimpse into an invincibility with this show.” Like, whether we do it at 30 Rock or not, I think we can figure out a way to get it done.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: For the “Dreams” sketch, I didn’t know what everyone else was doing.

[Cut to Kent Sublette at home]

Kent Sublette: I had been reading an article about  COVID dreams and how intense they were to people and I’d had some myself. So, I started to think what would it like to see dreams of the cast? What they miss and you know, maybe we all sort of miss about New York?”

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: The director Paul Birganti directed over Zoom.

[Cut to Paul Birganti directing over Zoom.]

Paul Birganti: And action!

[Cut to Bowen Yang]

Bowen: We did a read through of it. After we finished it, all of us just looked at each other’s little tiles on Zoom and we were silent. And then I remember breaking the silence by being like, “I hope everyone has a good summer.”

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: Seeing the city and us being digitally put into the city was kind of bitter sweet and sad, but at the same time uplifting, seeing us all together again.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: I guess we just never thought that we would get to a point where we wouldn’t be able to have New York, walk in Time Square, be bumped into on 5th Avenue or any of that. It was very emotional.

[Cut to Bowen Yang.]

Bowen Yang: The show was a nice reminder that this was still possible. That it was still possible to sort of be there for each other, even though we were so seperate.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: Getting to watch that episode from the comfort of my home in New York made me feel so connected to the city.

[Cut to Heidi Gardner]

Heidi Gardner: Coming off the elevator Saturday night and seeing a neighbor who was like, “Are you going to watch your show?” And I was like, “Yeah. Are you going to watch it?”

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: I am waiting for us to be able to get back in 30 Rock. Oh, man. I wish I could get a goodnight’s hug right now.

[Cut to Bowen Yang]

Bowen Yang: I can’t wait to go back. I can’t wait to go back and see everybody.

[Cut to Pete Davidson]

Pete Davidson: I’m really like, grateful that we had those three shows. I won’t forget and I’m appreciative to have been a part of it.

[Cut to a clip of SNL casts on Zoom meeting.] [Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: What I want to say is we’ll get through this thing together but we’ll also come out on the other side with a little more compassion and appreciation for our world that we live in, you know? Show some more love to each other, show some more love to our planet. That’s all I can hope for. Peace.

SNL Stories from the Show- Unreleased (Eddie Murphy, John Mulaney and More)

[Starts with “Stories From the Show- An SNL Series” intro] [Cut to John Mulaney]

John Mulaney: Josh Brolin, when he hosted, Sarah Palin came on, which was the same night that Will Forte first submitted ‘Fart Face.’

[Cut to a short clip from the sketch ‘Fart Face’]

Bill Hader: Given name is Carl but he likes to be called Fart Face.

[Cut to John Mulaney]

John Mulaney: So, at dress, the sketch does terribly.

[Cut to a short clip from the sketch ‘Fart Face’]

Bill Hader and Will Forte: [yelling] Fart Face! Fart Face! Fart Face!

Josh Brolin: No! Oh, god, no!

[Cut to John Mulaney]

John Mulaney: But it gets in. Everyone has a sense everyone in America is watching. And then, Josh Brolin, he’s looking up here at the bleachers like this. [looking up] And he’s just nodding at them. And he looks at Forte and Bill and he goes, “Let’s shut these [bleep] up.” And that was the Emmy episode.

[Cut to Will Ferrell]

Will Ferrell: They’re not really pranks. We did a lot of stuff waiting for Lorne at the read-through. Coz, you know, you’re always waiting a little bit and so, we sang ‘happy birthday’ for him when it was just not his birthday. He was like, “Oh, good. Thank you.” But he kind of was smiling. I think– yeah. [laughing] [Cut to Eddie Murphy]

Eddie Murphy: There wasn’t a screen test. There was a series of audition. The first time I came here was just Neil Levy. Just me and Neil in his office, and he said, “Make me laugh.” And he sat back and I did my stick. And luckily coz I was doing standup already– See, I think a lot of actors come, somebody say, “Make me laugh,” and you don’t have an act, it might be pretty daunting. I did Muhammad Ali and Howard Cosell and Jimmy Carter. That’s how long ago it was. Jimmy Carter impression. And I did Bill Cosby. And he didn’t laugh at all. He just kind of sat and looked at me and said, “Thank you.” And then I left. I was like, “I guess I didn’t get it.” Then couple of weeks later, they call me and said, “Come in, we want to see you again.” Then I went back. This time, it was two people in a row. And they said, “Make me laugh” again. And I did the same thing again. And they said, “Thank you.” Then another week or two went by and they called me back again. And then I went. It was Liz Welch, Neil Levy and Mike Zanella. He was one of the producers on the show. And they said, “Make us laugh.” And I did all my stuff. Mike Zanella was in back and he did like this. [laughing unimpressively with one exhale.] That was my big laugh. That was the big laugh of the three auditions.

[Cut to Aidy Bryant]

Aidy Bryant: We did a sketch called “Block Buster” where I played like, a hobo woman. And we literally shot all day and all night until about 7:30 in the morning. And then had to be back here at noon. So, the turnaround was horrible And I basically slept here as if it was my home. And then washed my hands and feet in the sink. Like, I’ve mostly used this space to recoup in some way. I think when people think of ‘SNL,’ they think of people doing coke, and mostly it’s me sitting right here with a blanket on.

[Cut to “Stories From the Show- An SNL Series” outro]

Digital Exclusive- Your House Promo

Alex Moffat

Mikey Day

Kenan Thompson

Aidy Bryant

Chloe Fineman

Kyle Mooney

[Starts with video clips of people enjoying at sea beach.]

Male voice: Looking to get away? [heavy metal music playing] Then look no further than the only place you’re allowed to go right now. Your house.

[Cut to inside of a house.]

You’ll know you’re in the right place when you see the disorganized pile of shoes by the door. And once you cross the yoga mat that’s slowly becoming a rug, you’re in.

[Cut to Alex in his kitchen]

First stop? The kitchen. Where you can feast on a fridge full of expired condiments.

[Alex holds a Heinz Tomato Ketchup that has Olympics 2014 logo.] Sochi Olympics?

And do you smell what the stove is cooking? Nothing. Because all that one burner does is leak gas and click. Call the fire department!

[Cut to the living room]

When you’re grubbed up, it’s time to relax in your house’s living room. [Cut to Mikey Day watching TV.] Watch and scream to your to your heart’s content but don’t look behind the TV or you’ll find absolute orgy of cables, wires and zip ties that will give you anxiety.

Nothing good on? [Mikey shuts the TV off and pulls his laptop] Then hop online and surf the web with your home’s blazing slow WiFi which covers almost every part of the room.

[Cut to the bathroom] And don’t worry if nature calls. Your home has you covered with your choice of bathrooms. The nice one. And the other one. [cut to Kyle Mooney in a bad bathroom.] Mil-Dew it, baby.

Your house knows that in these uncertain times, nothing is more important than your health. [Cut to Chloe Fineman looking at the medicines.] That’s why your medicine cabinet is absolutely stacked with two band-aids, tums, a bottle of Amoxycylino…? From 2011, a loose AAA battery and ass load of Tylenol PM. But no regular Tylenol.

Plus, ponder your house’s many mysteries like the famous drawyer of [bleep]. Featuring another loose AAA battery. And of course, the slightly raised nail that absolutely annihilates your socks. [As Aidy Bryant is walking past the door, the nail tears her socks.] Shredded!

Plus, your house features appearances by your kids. [Cut to Kenan Thompson getting frustrated by kids.] And guess what, hoss? They don’t respect you at all.

Georgia: [jumping on the bed] Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy.

[Kenan walks in]

Kenan: What? What is it, Georgia?

Georgia: You’re old. [showing thumbs-down.]

Male voice: All this, plus plates, plates, plates. Every room has a dirty plate in it. Living room plate. Bathroom plate. Bedroom plate. Floor plate. Plate on the nightstand. And what’s that? Another loose AAA battery. They’re everywhere! So, what are you waiting for? Check out your house today. You don’t have a choice.

Digital Exclusive- The Last Dance

David Aldridge… Chris Redd

Steve Kerr… Mikey Day

Kim Jong-Un… Bowen Yang

Andrea Kremer… Chloe Fineman

[Starts with short clips from Michael Jordan documentary The Last Dance’]

Steve Kerr: Things were getting tensed.

David Aldridge: This wasn’t basketball. This was war.

Andrea Kremer: The fairytale was coming to an end.

David Aldridge: Everything Michael Jordan did turned to a story.

[Cut to a video with a message ‘Now everyone has something to say’.] [Cut to Kim Jong-Un]

Kim Jong-Un: [looking at his mic] This thing on?

[Cut to ‘The Last Dance’ video bumper]

Andrea Kremer: At this point, the Bulls had won five championships in seven years.

Steve Kerr: In 95 and 96, we won 72 games. The next year, we won 69 games. We were unstoppable.

David Aldridge: There’s absolutely no way you could talk about the greatest teams of all time and not mention the Chicago Bulls.

Kim Jong-Un: Nobody likes 90s Bulls more than me. I freaking love that team.

Steve Kerr: Really, there was just one person standing in our way. Jerry Krause.

Andrea Kremer: So, Bulls general manager Jerry Krause announced that this would be the last season for coach Phil Jackson, effectively breaking up the greatest team of all time.

David Aldridge: Jerry had a little man problem. He grew up a little fat kid. He didn’t have a lot of money. He was always the underdog.

Kim Jong-Un: He’s like I always say, never trust a fat little weirdos who make it all about themselves.

David Aldridge: Krause was quoted saying, “Players don’t win championships. Organizations do.”

Kim Jong-Un: What? That’s like saying democracy is better than dictatorship. That’s the kind of talk that get you poisoned, bro.

Steve Kerr: We were a family. And like all families, we had our problems.

Andrea Kremer: In the middle of the season, Dennis Rodman goes to Phil Jackson and says he needs a vacation.

Steve Kerr: Boom. We don’t hear or see Dennis for 48 hours.

Kim Jong-Un: Nobody knows where this guy is. Is he in Vegas? Is he having heart surgery? Is he gravely ill? Is he already dead?

Steve Kerr: Dennis was a great team mate, but frankly his behavior was bizarre.

Andrea Kremer: The hair, the tattoos, the eccentric clothes.

Kim Jong-Un: I told him don’t over think it, if you want to look cool, just wear exact same clothes as your dad everyday for the rest of your life.

[Next Week]

Steve Kerr: Game five of the 97 finals.

Andrea Kremer: And Michael Jordan has the flu.

Kim Jong-Un: A flu? Boo! That’s not a thing. You want to know what I have? Hypertension, diabetes, a lymph, obesity, smoker’s cough, heart problems and coronavirus. I’m feeling just fine. Da’ Bulls. Am I saying that right? Okay. Da’ Bulls.

Digital Exclusive- Rom-Com Trailer

Nick… Alex Moffat

[Starts with a short clip of New York city streets.]

Male voice: Meet Nick.

[Cut to Nick drinking coffee at home.]

Nick: And I’m late. Great!

Male voice: He hasn’t had the time to find the one until–

[Cut to Nick watching news.]

News reporter: New Yorkers are ordered to shelter in place until further notice.

Donald Trump: You know what? Staying at home leads to death also.

Nick: Great!

[Cut to Nick cleaning his apartment.]

Male voice: Fate intervened.

Nick: [on the phone] Well, my apartment’s clean again.

Bowen: Man, being single during quarantine sucks!

Nick: Tell me about it.

Bowen: I guess dating isn’t considered ‘essential.’ Alright, gotta run.

[Nick drops his cup and spills his drink]

Nick: Oh, dammit!

Male voice: Just when you think you’ll never find love, love finds you.

[someone whistles. Nick looks back. A guy is standing at the door. He’s just another version of him.]

Nick: Oh, hello. I’m Nick.

Guy: I know. I’ve seen you around.

Nick: And um– you like what you see?

Guy: Daddy likey. Daddy likey a mucho.

Male voice: Sometimes, all it takes is a global pandemic for a guy to finally fall in love.

[Cut to Nick and the guy in bed.]

Guy: Round two?

[Cut to Nick talking to Bowen on a videocall]

Nick: I’ve met someone. I don’t know, they’re pretty perfect. We have the same likes, dislikes, favorite foods.

Bowen: Wow!

Nick: I mean, same body, brain, soul, everything.

Bowen: Wait, what?

Nick: Gotta go.[hangs up]

Bowen: Oh, no.

Male voice: But sometimes, finding the one can get a little messy.

[Cut to Nick and the guy at the apartment. The guy is grabbing a beer.]

Nick: Oh, you’re having another one?

Guy: Yeah. Is there a problem?

Nick: No. It’s just noon.

Guy: Here we go.

[They start having an argument]

Male voice: Critics are calling it, “The best coronavirus rom-com of all time,” “The world’s first rom-cov,” “So relatable, it’s depressing.”

Guy: Oh, give me a break..

Nick: Don’t you– [Points at the guy, hurts his hand.] Ah! I think I have a carpal tunnel.

Guy: What?

Nick: I have to quarantine myself from you.

Guy: What? No.

[Nick walks into his room sobbing. He shuts the door and cries behind it.]

Guy: [knocking the door] Nick, let me in.

Nick: No, Nick. I don’t want to give this to you.

Guy: That’s not how carpal tunnel works. I–

Nick: You what?

Guy: I love you. Me. I love me.

Nick: [smiling] Say it again?

Guy: I love me.

Nick: I love me too.

[Nick opens the door.]

Guy: Daddy lovey amucho.

Male voice: Coming this Valentine’s Day. Wait, what month is it? May? Anyway, coming whenever, “Be My Quaran-tine?” Nice.

[Cut to Nick on his couch]

Nick: Okay, what do you want to watch?

Guy: You know. One, two, three.

Both: House Hunters International.

Digital Exclusive- Neighbors

Desmond… Beck Bennett

Kyle Mooney

[Starts with Kyle walking outside his house. He looks around. Then he picks the package that’s out of his door.] [Desmond comes running]

Desmond: Neighbor! OMG! What’s going on? It’s good to see you.

Kyle: Hey, Desmond.

Desmond: Oh, please, call me Dizzy.

Kyle: No thanks.

Desmond: Aw. Well, how have you been?

Kyle: You know, doing okay considering.

Desmond: Right? Holding up, doing the best we can. Puzzles.

Kyle: Right, yeah.

Desmond: But seriously, just stay six feet away from me at all times. Social distancing.

Kyle: Yes. I know about all that. I’m not trying to come close to you.

Desmond: It can also travel though droplets and live on surfaces for a long time. So, don’t tough things with your fingers and put your fingers in your eye and your nose and your throat or your mouth. Don’t suck on them.

kyle: I’m nog toing to suck on them.

Desmond: No. Yeah. But did you also know that they can travel through farts now?

Kyle: I’m sorry, farts?

Desmond: Still, be careful. We can’t be sniffing our farts willy nilly like, normal.

Kyle: I’m not going around smelling farts willy nilly.

Desmond: No, yeah, I know. But did you hear that you can pass the virus on by spitting in somebody’s throat?

Kyle: Why would I spit in somebody’s throat?

Desmond: Coz like– it was like– it could be a game if you can make it into your friend’s mouth from like, a certain distance away. Uh, but we can’t be playing that game anymore

Kyle: I’m sorry. What game is that?

Desmond: Spit throat?

Kyle: That’s not a game.

Desmond: I play it with my dad every Sundays.

Kyle: You play it with your father?

Desmond: Not anymore, though. I can’t do it.

Kyle: I can’t say I’ve ever played spit throat.

Desmond: You never played spit throat?

Kyle: Oh, god! Well, I’m taking all the necessary precautions.

Desmond: Yes! Thank you, coz– thanks. Thank you. Somebody is, because not all the neighbors are as good as you and me. Some of them are bad people and I’m thinking about reporting them.

Kyle: Well, I’m sure everybody’s doing their best.

Desmond: They’re not. The other day, I saw the Richardsons having sex with each other.

Kyle: Yes. They live together. And they’re married.

Desmond: No, it’s not. They shouldn’t be able to do it. Not while we can’t. I mean with– who knows who’s going to have sex with who?

Kyle: I under– I– Okay.

Desmond: I’ve been doing so many dishes. Cooking, cleaning. I feel like cinderella slaving away for my evil stepsisters. Except I don’t have any stepsisters. It’s just me. I’m all by myself. I’m alone. I’m all alone all by myself.

Kyle: Well, man. I think we’re all feeling pretty lonely.

Desmond: Right. Pretty much day 16, I was doing my pillow.

Kyle: I’m sorry. You were doing your pillow?

Desmond: What?

Kyle: It seems like, you just said that you were doing your pillow.

Desmond: I– I have not been doing anything to my pillow. I was fluffing it.

Kyle: Alright, Desmond, I’ve got to go. Okay?

Desmond: Wait! I don’t have a roommate. Do you have a roommate?

Kyle: No. But that’s–

Desmond: We could form a cell and live together and pool resources and duties. Yes!

Kyle: No.

Desmond: Yes.

Kyle: No.

Desmond: Please. Let me live with you.

Kyle: Absolutely not. No. I’m not– I don’t want to do that.

Desmond: Cool. I saw that you left your house for six hours the other day. Was that an essential trip?

Kyle: I’m sorry, you were watching me? That’s creepy!

Desmond: Neighborhood watch. We’re all in this together. So, if somebody in the neighborhood happens to leave on non-essential trip, picks up some droplets maybe, brings the virus back in the neighborhood, it’s my duty to report it. Unless that person was my roommate.

Kyle: Are you trying to blackmail me into being roommates?

Desmond: Let me just know what you think about living together.

Kyle: It’s not gonna happen. Please, just leave me alone, Desmond.

Desmond:Tell you what. I’m gonna bring some banana bread in a little tinfoil package. And then, maybe that’ll change your mind.

Kyle: No. I don’t– I don’t need your banana bread.

Desmond: Aww! [Desmond snaps his finger and disappears.] [Kyle is looking around. Desmond jus appears beside him again.]

Kyle: [scared] Oh, god!

Desmond: Banana bread.

Kyle: No, I don’t want that.

Desmond: Let me live with you. [Kyle runs in] Aw!

Digital Exclusive- Momming with Denise

Denise… Ego Nwodim

[Starts with “Momming with Denise” intro.]

Female voice: Being a mom is natural. It’s what we’re born to do. And I’m here to help. This is “Momming with Denise.”

[Cut to Denise inside her closet at home]

Denise: [whispering] Hi, it’s me, Denise Coman. This is week 6 or 95, I don’t know. I think I hate my kids. You know, I said, “Kids, I need five minutes to myself.” They said no. Just like that. “No.” The other day, we watched all the Harry Potter movies and somehow only 40 minutes had passed. How is that even possible? [whispering] They still think I go to work. I just hide in here for two hours. I told my kids I’m a nurse. That’s bad.

I can’t let them find me. They’re gonna make me do another tiktok dance.

[Cut to small clip of Denise’s tiktok]

Or worse, their homework. I can’t multiply fractions. I will not feel dumb while the world is on a fire. No.

[her kids making noise outside] Oh, god. I hear them. I hear their little feet.

Kids: [yelling] Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

Denise: Yesterday, they said they made me a present. And I said, “did you fold your clothes?” And they said, “Come look.” And they dumped mustard on the carpet. That’s not a present. [whispering] I tried to do a scavenger hunt to keep them busy and they found my vibrator. I told them it was a toy and now they do karaoke with it. I just let ’em.

Husband: Baby. Baby. Where you at? [kids making noise] Baby, I need you. They don’t want to put pants on. Baby, they’re your kids too.

Denise: Last night, my son asked me if he needs to wipe his penis after he pees. And I realize, I don’t know. Okay, I can’t stay in here forever. Wish me luck.

[Cut to “Momming with Denise” video bumper.] [Cut to Ego in the closet again. Now, she has sauce all over her face.]

Hey, guys. A quick follow up. The kids say pasta now. So, I’m gonna go be dinner. don’t forget to smash that like button. Bye.

[The End]

Digital Exclusive- Lockdown Song

Chris Redd

Ego Nwodim

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with rappers rapping from in their homes.] [music playing]

Chris: Wild Trio Gang. You know we back in this thang, turn the club up every night.

Ego: But we quarantined, and the club closed now.

Chris: Cause of corona’s ol’ goofy ass. So, I guess we just gonna have to turn up here at the crib then. The whole city locked down, you feel me? Ay!

I’m lit, sippin’ what’s left in my fridge
is it good? I don’t know
clean my kitchen and mess it back up
get dressed and sit in my room
remember high fives, handshakes? all that gone

I salute or nod, don’t touch me!
All I do is nap to gain weight
time to look you can’t push up away
living room pilates mask and gloves when I’m shoppin’
keep it 6 feet in line, don’t cough, I don’t want your droplets
house party while I flex my chain
Instagram live, look, it’s my chain
hey, sneezing in public just won’t be the same
sneezing in public just won’t be the same

Chorus: Lil’ Rona got the city on lockdown
maybe we can, nope, city on lockdown

can’t go out, city on lockdown
on your Zoom, city on lockdown
essentials only, city on lockdown
put the mask on when you go out
get what you need, then take your ass home
Lil’ Rona got the city on lockdown

Ego Nwodim: Club my crib, Lil’ Rona outside
that’s a bitch I don’t like (who’s that?)
She said my name at the door (who?)
I said, “I don’t know that ho”
I gotta keep her off me
anyway, I got a table coffee
pop a bottle of champagne, vodka
tequila keep me saucy
olive oil, V8, prune juice
I sit on my couch and I wile
the hell out in my socks, I call ’em new shoes
all socks, so free, black socks, white socks,
red socks, baseball oop,
I love my vibe, I’m the DJ too
After party, I’m tore up
yeah, don’t got to go far
coz my bed right there, yeah, yeah

Chorus: Lil’ Rona got the city on lockdown
maybe we can, nope, city on lockdown

is this for real? City on lockdown
I’m losing my mind, city on lockdown
Kenan: it’s Big Cash, y’all know me
huh? Gotta keep it down, baby asleep
I got babies and they asleep
those my babies, like the baby
I go baby on baby on baby on baby
that’s two babies, my lady and me
shh, oh, look at that baby asleep
yeah, she’s so cute, yeah

Chorus: Lil’ Rona got the city on lockdown
shh, lost my clothes, city on lockdown

lost my phone, city on lockdown
time don’t exist, city on lockdown
we love New York city, city, city
city on lockdown, hey

Kenan: Shh, the baby asleep

Digital Exclusive- Jaden Acts Out

Rachel… Melissa Villaseñor

Jaden… Alex Moffat

[Starts with Rachel’s Instagram video post.]

Rachel: Hey, I’m Rachel. I’m reaching out for any support or tips on [cut to Jaden acting weird in the living room] how to deal with someone you’re living with during quarantine who keeps acting out and is naughty.

[Cut to a video of Jaden crying on a sofa. The video is recorded by Rachel. He has a glass of wine in his hand.]

Jaden: I put my jersey on a long time ago though.

Rachel: We can watch it now though.

Jaden: But I’ve been ready for so long.

Rachel: I know. If you stop crying, you can watch it.

Jaden: I’m not crying. I’m laughing coz I’m very happy.

[Cut to Rachel’s Instagram video post.]

Rachel: My husband, Jaden, he’s 35. He’s been doing his finance job from home. He’s being a bad boy.

[Cut to a video of Jaden drawing something on a notepad. The video is recorded by Rachel.]

Rachel: Getting some work done? Can I see what you’re doing please, Jaden? One, two, three. Show me.

[Jaden shows her the drawing. It’s a stick woman with big breasts.]

Okay.

[Cut to Rachel’s Instagram video post.]

Rachel: I know a lot of you are struggling with this at home, with your kids. I need the help.

[Cut to a video of Jaden going out to the balcony through the window. The video is recorded by Rachel.]

Rachel: Hey, no, no, no. We do not go outside. Jaden! Jaden! One, two, three, butts down. [Jaden sits.] One, two– [Jaden runs inside] Thank you.

[Cut to Rachel’s Instagram video post.]

Rachel: So, any supportive tips would be great. He’s being a little bastard.

[Cut to a video of Jaden in the bathtub. His face is painted red. The video is recorded by Rachel.]

Rachel: Oh, Jaden. Did you paint your face again? [Jaden nods yes.] To watch your Jordan documentary? [Jaden nods yes.] And you used my acrylic paints. So, that’s going to take a really long time to get off. [Jaden shakes his head no.] Have you had a lot of wine? [Jaden nods yes.]

Digital Exclusive- Dr. Birx Ad

Dr. Deborah Birx… Chloe Fineman

[Starts with Dr. Deborah speaking]

Dr. Deborah Birx: Hello, I’m Dr. Deborah Birx, Coronavirus Response Coordinator. You’ve seen me beside President Trump everyday providing my medical expertise. I’m on the front lines of this pandemic synthesizing critical, dense information so that the public can digest it. And your takeaway is, “Wow! That lady sure has a lot of scarves.”

[a couple of news articles about her scarves pop up on the screen]

Give my three decade long career as an expert in HIV AIDS immunology, vaccine research and global health, I think it’s wonderful that at the end of the day, scarves is the take away. I mean, you’re really latched on to the scarf thing. I love that. So, I’ve decided to lean in and design my own line for Mother’s Day.

Looking for something subtle and understated? Here’s one to love. [showing a scarf with “Screw you, I’m a doctor” written on it.]

Or, how about this? A whimsical pattern that says, “Do you know I went to medical school?” [showing the scarf]

And this one is birds. [showing the scarf] Because I like birds. Not everything has to be a thing.

I’ve answered all the tough questions like, “How do we stop this spread? Can we drink bleach?” But what you want to know is, “How do you fold your scarf?”

[Cut to Dr. Deborah showing how to fold scarf.]

Let me show you a simple timeless fold. Fold one. Fold two. And fold three.

Oh, here’s my favorite. A real statement piece. [showing the scarf] An actual statement piece. A message from the CDC. If this is the only thing that you’re zeroing in on while I’m talking, let’s make it count. Honestly, I don’t care if it’s sexist or not. Go ahead, buy a scarf for Mother’s Day. Just stay inside and stay away from Mom. Thank you.

So order today, wherever the hell scarves are sold.