Terry Fink… Alex Moffat[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Well, it’s officially fall which means, you guessed it, movies, movies and more movies. Here to give his picks of the season is our very own film critic, Terry Fink.
Terry Fink: Hey! Hi there. Mr. Jost, an honor and a privilege.
Colin Jost: Welcome back, Terry. Now, you’ve seen every single film out there this year already. How is it even possible to see everything?
Terry Fink: Sure, it’s possible, Colin. In fact, I’ve found I can watch up to nine movies at once, thanks to a little friend I call LSD.
Colin Jost: Wait. You’re taking LSD?
Terry Fink: Just micro-dosing. It’s all the rage. A little bit of LSD helps me LS-see all these terrific films. First up, “James Bond: No Time To Die”. Well, shake up those martinis because Bond is back with a license to thrill audiences. Daniel Craig wows as the titular Brit, until the third act when he bizarrely transforms into a 50 foot tall Catholic nun whipping me with my father’s belt. That said, it’s a best movie I’ve ever seen. Colin?
Colin Jost: Yes, I don’t know, Terry. It sounds like you might be more than micro-dosing.
Terry Fink: Ha-ha-ha. Says the guy with no mouth. Relax, narc. Next up, the recent “Paw Patrol: The Movie”. Quick, someone call 9-fun-fun because this hellish film is a skin melting nightmare. A mostly confusing blur of colors, shrieks and vibrating plaid, this ‘pawdorable’ ode of fascism begs the question “Will I ever stop falling through this bottomless void?” Director Charles Manson will have you standing in the isles, sweating buckets and screaming a cab until the theater is quietly evacuated. I hated it. I loved it. I feared it. And I accepted it as my one true god. I give “Paw Patrol” 10 tini-tiny Terries. Jamal?
Colin Jost: It’s Colin. Terry, I think you need to maybe ease up on the LSD.
Terry Fink: Yeah. [looking around at the air] Sure. Says the guy whizzing around the studio like a humming bird. I’m gonna get you, Colin. [Tries to catch something out of air] Got ya!
Colin Jost: [poking Terry Fink] I’m over here.
Terry Fink: Oh my god! Don’t do that.
Colin Jost: You okay man?
Terry Fink: Next up, it’s breezy slice of life Rom-Com, “Venom 2: Let There Be Carnage”. I’m gonna be honest, I was a little high for this one. But I got the gist. Meryl Streep is flat out awful as Venom, himself, but its new comer Jeff Bush who thrills and chills as the Time Square Elsa shoving me through the window of M&M store. I loved it so much, I ran 19 blocks in two minutes. I give it 22 toothless Terries. Satan?
Colin Jost: Oh, no. Terry Fink, everyone.
Terry Fink: I don’t trust a vaccine.