Weekend Update- Punkie Johnson and Mikey Day on Their 2023 Oscars Predictions

Colin Jost

Punkie Johnson

Mikey Day

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well, the Oscars are almost here. Here to break down the nominees and all things Hollywood are Punkie Johnson and Mikey Day.

[Punkie Johnson and Mikey Day slide in]

Punkie Johnson: What’s up, Colin?

Colin Jost: All right, guys. So what can we expect from this year’s Oscars?

Mikey Day: Well, Colin, I’d love to tell you. But when Punkie and I sat down to do this, we realized that Punkie, a celebrity and entertainer, does not know any other celebrities or entertainers.

Punkie Johnson: This is true. She doesn’t even know their names really. Here are some examples. And these are all 100% true stories. I once saw Punkie called Tony Hawk “Tony Hawking” to his face.

Colin Jost: So Punkie you confuse the most famous skateboarder of all time with the genius physicist Stephen Hawking.

Punkie Johnson: I mean, look, they bold white men with wheels. So I mean-

[Michael Che laughing]

Mikey Day: But the best thing that has ever happened was a few weeks ago when Punkie told me that all of her friends could not believe she met Rick Bernstein.

Colin Jost: And who is Rick Bernstein?

Mikey Day: That is what I said.

Punkie Johnson: Well, so I said it’s the guy with the jeans. Duh.

Mikey Day: The guy with the jeans. I eventually figured out that Punkie was referring to living legend Bruce Springsteen. Rick Bernstein.

Punkie Johnson: Alright, look. I grew up on people like Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor. That dude do wasn’t big in my house. So sue a bitch.

Mikey Day: So instead of an Oscars piece, I thought it’d be more fun to play a game we call “Who does punky mean?” Are you down to play?

Colin Jost: I feel like I don’t have a choice.

Mikey Day: Right. Everyone, you can play along. It’s super fun. Number one, Punkie referred to this celebrity as Claire Blankenship. Claire Blankenship.

Colin Jost: I don’t know. Claire Danes maybe?

Mikey Day: Okay, let’s see. Is it Claire Danes? No. It’s Anne Hathaway.

Punkie Johnson: Time out, time out.

Mikey Day: That really happened.

Punkie Johnson: No. Put the picture back up. Okay, I’m sorry, but does this bitch not look like a Claire?

Mikey Day: Okay. She does. That’s fair. You’re right. Number two. Zoey Dechanaise. Who does punky mean? Tell me what you’re thinking, Colin.

Colin Jost: I am thinking that this one has to be Zoey Deschanel.

Mikey Day: Okay, lock it in. Is Zoe Deshanaise Zoey Deschanel? Nope. Zoe Kravitz.

Punkie Johnson: Wait. No. All right, okay. All right look, see what happened was I’m getting my makeup done for the show because you know I gotta look good for Nor Michaels.

Colin Jost: Nor Michaels?

Punkie Johnson: Anyway, I see Zoe walk past and I say, “Ay, don’t I know you?”

Mikey Day: Yes, you did because she was hosting this show. That happened that week.

Punkie Johnson: My bad, Ms. Dachanese.

Mikey Day: Okay, last one. Here we go. Patrick Dempsey.

Colin Jost: Okay. Well, I think there’s no way that she knows who Patrick Dempsey is. I guess I’m gonna say Patrick Stewart.

Mikey Day: Okay. No, she actually did mean Patrick Dempsey. She knows Patrick Dempsey.

Punkie Johnson: You’re damn right. I do know Mr. Dempsey. Dr. Derek Shepherd, baby.

Colin Jost: You’re a fan of Grey’s Anatomy?

Punkie Johnson: Hell, yeah. I love every show Bobby Rhimes.

Colin Jost: You mean Shonda Rhimes?

Punkie Johnson: No, I think you mean Busta Rhymes.

Colin Jost: No. Punkie and Mikey, everyone.