Spencer… Michael Longfellow
Bowen Yang
Jesse… Jack Harlow
Jackie… Molly Kearney
[Starts with a group of people on AA meeting]
Spencer: And that’s when I looked in the mirror and I didn’t see myself anymore. It’s that guy who steals from his own mother for another bottle of booze. But I’m grateful for 90 days with no drink.
Bowen: Thank you so much, Spencer. All right, who else would like to share that? Jesse, how about you? You’ve been coming for a while and you’ve never shared with group?
Jesse: Well, it was something I’ve been thinking about for a while.
Bowen: Please. You can tell this group anything.
Jesse: Okay, here it goes. I have the perfect idea for Pixar movie.
Bowen: What’s that?
Jesse: A concept for a touching computer animated film. It’s about lost luggage trying to find his way home.
Bowen: Alright, well, I let’s just stay on the topic of recovery. Does anyone else want to share. Jackie?
Jackie: Jackie, alcoholic.
All: Hi, Jackie.
Jackie: On Tuesday, I drove through a liquor store and— I’m sorry. [asking Jesse] So the suitcase is all it personalities?
Jesse: Yeah. And the zippers are their mouths. I actually mocked up some artwork. [showing the suitcase characters] So this guy’s main character. He’s like a regular everyday suitcase. And then you got the briefcase guy. He’s a little uptight, but he’s funny.
Jackie: That’s Jason Bateman.
Jesse: I literally wrote that in a Google Doc.
Chloe: Oh, and there’s a gym bag. Don’t tell me his name is Jim.
Jesse: It literally is.
Kenan: And maybe there could be like a lady suitcase who’s got like, I don’t know, boobs.
Spencer: What would that even look like?
Kenan: Oh? Well, I did mock up some artwork just now myself. [showing a picture he drew of a suitcase with boobs]
Chloe: Oh. And maybe there’s a minion type character like a neck pillow that goes like – [making minion noise]
Jesse: You’re in the movie.
Spencer: Whoa. Can I be in the movie?
Jesse: No, but get this. There’s this other bag, Pierre. He’s like a fancy French bag, stickers from all over the world, acts all cultured like he’s better than them.
Kenan: I hate that bag.
Jesse: Right. But listen, halfway through, this bag gives an emotional speech where he opens up. Kind of like us right now. I drank recently by the way.
Bowen: What?
Jesse: Anyway, the bag goes, “Sure I’ve been to Paris, Milan, Tokyo but I’ve only ever been to the airports and the hotels. I’ve never really seen these places.” But then, as the credits roll, we see Polaroids from all these famous landmarks. The bags took pair to finally see the world.
Kenan: I love that bag now.
Cecily: What about the song?
Bowen: What?
Cecily: All these movies have some kind of big songs so they could sing at the Oscars.
Jesse: She’s right. But what would it sound like?
Cecily: I don’t know. [someone brings her a piano] Maybe something like—
[playing piano]
[singing]
When you lost your way
and you’re far from home
take faith and new friends
because you’re not alone
and pack yourself with love
everybody’s gotta pack yourself with love
Spencer: Your heel maybe broke
but you can’t give up hope
All: You gotta pack yourself with love
Bowen: I guess the last question is who’s gonna play the main suitcase? Or every man? Or Woody?
[Tom Hanks walks in]
Tom Hanks: Where’s the AA?
[cheers and applause]
I’m Tom H. Here just to research a role and also I may be an alcoholic.
Jesse: Yo, Tom, if you were a suitcase, what would your catchphrase be?
Tom Hanks: Oh, suitcase? Well, I guess would be something like – “That really snags my zipper!”
Bowen: You got the part!
All: [singing] Pack yourself with love