Johnson… Beck Bennett
Adam… Chris Redd
Boss… Bill Hader[Starts with Johnson working in office at his desk. Kyle walks in.]
Kyle: Hey, Johnson. Don’t forget, we need those reports by the end of the day.
Johnson: You got it.[Johnson starts having stomach problem. He looks at his watch.]
Female voice: Need to go to the bathroom? But you have a lot of work to do. And it’s all the way down the hall.
Female voice: We’ve all been there before. Why don’t you check your lamp?
Female voice: Check your lamp.[Johnson checks his big lamp. The lamp can be opened and there’s a hollow space in the lamp stand.]
Female voice: Go ahead. Do you business.
Johnson: What do you mean?
Female voice: Use it as a toilet.
Johnson: Oh, now I get it.
Female voice: Introducing the Undercover Office Potty. The only toilet that looks like a lamp so you can go whenever you want and no one has to know. Just open it up and go to town. It will be our little secret.[Johnson puts the lamp back]
Johnson: Thanks, Under Cover Office Potty. I did good.[Kyle walks back in]
Kyle: Hey, Johnson. Did you get around those reports?
Johnson: Yeah. Finished them a while ago. [whispering at the camera] I had plenty of time.
Kyle: Wait, why do you have so many lamps on your desk?
Johnson: Oh. I guess I like a lot of light.[Kyle smells around]
Kyle: Oh, god! It stinks in here.
Johnson: Well, it wasn’t me. I used the bathroom all the way down the hall.
Kyle: Jesus! I think it’s these lamps.[Kyle smells the lamp from close]
Holy [bleep], man! It’s definitely these lamps. Oh, my god!
Johnson: [yelling] It smells like regular lamps to me.
Kyle: Hey Adam, get in here.[Adam walks in smelling around]
Adam: Holy [bleep] .
Johnson: Alright, everybody calm down.[Adam smells the lamp too.]
Adam: Oh! Um-umm! There’s something wrong with these lamps.
Johnson: Oh, yeah, right. I probably have to get back to work.
Kyle: Dude, did you take [bleep] in your lamps?
Johnson: What? In these lamps? I don’t think so.
Kyle: We gotta do something about this. I’m telling Mr. Anderson.
Johnson: No. Please.[Boss walks to Johnson’s office. Johnson walks out and closes the door before Boss reaches in.]
Boss: Johnson, this is never easy but your coworkers are complaining about your lamps.
Johnson: But I go to the bathroom all the way down the hall.
Boss: I have to take a look at these lamps.[Boss walks in]
Oh, my god![Boss opens the lamps]
Oh! You lied, Johnson. You went to the bathroom in the lamps. Get them out of here.
Johnson: Yes, sir. Sorry sir.[Johnson throws all the lamps to the garbage]
Female voice: Let me guess, nosy coworkers caught on to the lamps because you had too many on your desk?
Female voice: We’ve got you covered with everyday office items that you can use as a toilet. Introducing the Undercover Office Potty Disguise Supplies. There’s the stapler, the tape dispenser and the automatic pencil sharpener.[Cut to Johnson in his office with these new supplies. The supplies are too huge of a size. His colleagues walk pass by.]
Johnson: Hey, guys, look. I got rid of the lamps.
Kyle: Why is your tape disperser so massive?
Johnson: Hmm. Because I like a lot of tapes.[Boss walks in and opens the tape dispenser]
Boss: God! He’s going to the bathroom in his oversized office supplies.
Johnson: But I go to the bathroom down the hall.
Boss: What is wrong with you?
Johnson: I just need–
Boss: [yelling] Why would you do this?
Johnson: The voiceover said it would save time for business.
Boss: What have you been working on?
Johnson: I don’t know. I’ve been too busy going to the bathroom.
Boss: It smells like [bleep] in here.
Johnson: [sobbing] Am I fired?
Boss: Yes![Johnson is walking out]
And take that [bleep] with you.
Johnson: Right. Yeah, of course.[Johnson tries to carry them all at once. He spills all the toilet on the hallway.]
Female voice: Undercover Office Potty. Be gold Be true. Make the bathroom come to you.