Undercover Boss

Kylo Ren… Adan Driver

Zack… Taran Killam

Bobby Moynihan

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Undercover Boss intro]

Male voice: Each week, we follow the boss of a major organization as they go undercover to find out what’s really going on in their company. This is Undercover Boss. Star Killer Base.

[Cut to Star Wars scene]

Kylo Ren is the commander of the First Order, a massive regime dedicated to wiping out the galactic resistance. This week, Kylo is going undercover among the Star Killer Base personnel as Matt, a radar technician.

[Cut to Kylo Ren]

Kylo Ren narrating: You get so caught up in restoring the galaxy to it’s rightful state that you miss what’s going on behind the scene. I’m looking forward to having some real talk with some real folks.

Female voice: We’ve put hidden cameras in employee common area and no one has any idea that Matt is their boss, Kylo Ren.

[Kylo Ren walks in the employee lunch area]

Kylo Ren: Hi. I’m Matt. I’m a radar technician.

[Cut to Kylo Ren sitting with other employees]

You guys like working here?

Zack: You know, work is work.

Kylo Ren: Yeah. Totally. What do you think of Kylo Ren? Do you guys believe when he says he’s gonna finish what Darth Vader started?

Bobby: What exactly has he started?

Zack: You know, I will say this for Kylo. I think he gets a bad rap. He’s trying to accomplish something that has never been done in the history of the galaxy. You know. Rule everything? That’s impressive. I admire the guy.

Kylo Ren: Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[Cut to Leslie teaching Kylo Ren to do some technician stuff.]

Leslie: Okay, okay. It’s real easy. All you gotta do is rewire the calcinator.

Kylo Ren: So, remove this?

Leslie: Does that look like the calcinator? What’s wrong with you? Why is it so hard for you to understand?

Kylo Ren: I don’t know. But can you please stop yelling me? You’re starting to stress me out.

Kylo Ren narrating: I have a new found respect for what my employees do.

Leslie: Okay, now can we rewire it please? So I can go have my muffin? I haven’t had my muffin yet, Matt.

Kylo Ren narrating: It’s not as easy as I presumed.

[A storm-trooper walks and bullies Kylo Ren]

Storm-trooper: Wad up, Matt? [kicking his tools]

Kylo Ren: Hey, you kicked my wrench! Jerk face!

[Cut to Kylo Ren walking in with his lightsaber.]

Look, I found Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. Look, it’s awesome.

Bobby: It’s nothing but dangerous, man! Poorly made like a little kid made it.

Kylo Ren: Then you don’t have to look at it anymore.

[Kylo Ren throws the lightsaber away] [Cut to Zack]

Zack: I’m 90% sure Matt is Kylo Ren.

[Cut to Kylo Ren and Zack]

Yeah, this has actually been a rough year for my family. We lost our son back in April. He was in the storm-trooper program. And we’re getting by…

Kylo Ren: Wow, man… I’m sorry about that. Must be hard.

Kylo Ren narrating: Hearing that Zack lost his son really struck in nerve with me. Especially since I’m the one who killed him.

[Cut to Kylo Ren walks to Zack]

Kylo Ren: Hey, I ran into Kylo Ren in the bathroom. He told me to give you this.

[hands him a card]

Zack: After the rain comes the rainbow. [reading the written note] Sorry, I killed your son, Kylo.

Kylo Ren narrating: [showing a picture of storm-troopers with ‘Team Work’ written on it] This means something to me now.

[Cut to Kylo Ren, Zack and Bobby at the dining hall]

Kylo Ren: A buddy of mine saw Kylo Ren take his shirt off in the shower and he said that Kylo Ren had an 8-pack. That Kylo Ren was shredded.

Bobby: What? Your friend is a liar. Kylo Ren is a punk bitch. That guy looks like he weighs 30 pounds soaking wet underneath that little black dress.

[Kylo Ren is staring at Bobby and Bobby starts choking]

Zack: Jim? Jim?

Kylo Ren: Oh, no, he’s choking on food. [looking at Bobby] I know what’s in your mind, and it is stupid.

[Kylo Ren throws Bobby away just by gesturing] [Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Dude, Matt straight up sucks!

[Kylo Ren walking in the dining hall]

Kylo Ren: I have a bombshell announcement to make, guys. I’m not Matt. I am–

Zack: Kylo Ren.

Bobby: Kylo Ren. You’re Kylo Ren. We know. I knew when you threw me through the soda machine.

Zack: I knew from, “Hi, I’m Matt.”

Kylo Ren: We really connected today. I’m promoting you to superior officer.

Zack: Thank you sir!

[Cut to Kylo Ren in his suit]

Kylo Ren narrating: I had a blast today. I really learned a lot and people are gonna love the new me.

[Kylo Ren leaves. Behind him was Zack lying dead.] [The End]

The Science Room

Zackry Adams… Adan Driver

Lany… Cecily Strong

Josh… Mikey Day

[Starts with TV program schedule]

Female voice: The PBS learning afternoon. At 3:30, it’s Grammar Train. Followed at 4 by Phonics Bus. But up next, it’s The Science Room.

[Cut to Zackry Adams holding a dummy human skeleton.]

Zackry Adams: Well, this guy’s bad to the bone. Ha-ha. I’m professor Zackry Adams and welcome to Science Room.

[Cut to Science Room video bumper] [Cut to Zackry Adams with Lany and Josh]

Zackry Adams: First, let’s say Hi-pothesis. Ha-ha-ha. To our junior volunteers. Lany and Josh.

Josh: Hi.

Lany: Hi.

Zackry Adams: Guys, you excited to learn about science?

Josh: Ya, kinda nervous.

Lany: My hears like…

Zackry Adams: Okay. We’ll just take a few calming breaths. Ay, speaking of breathing, today’s topic is air.

Josh: Yes!

Lany: I love air so much.

Zackry Adams: Air is mostly made up of an element. Do you guys know what’s it called?

Lany: Air?

Zackry Adams: Nope. But it starts with an O. Josh?

Josh: Um. oil?

Zackry Adams: Okay, here’s a hint. Oxy…

Lany: Cotton?

Zackry Adams: It’s oxygen. Oxygen is the answer.

Josh: I knew it.

Lany: I was gonna say that.

Zackry Adams: I don’t think you were. Say, do you guys like balloons?

Lany and Josh: Do you guys like balloons?

Zackry Adams: No, I didn’t mean say what I said. Just give me the balloon. [someone hands him a balloon] Now, why does this balloon float?

[the balloons flies away]

Josh: Um, from the string?

Zackry Adams: No, what? It’s from helium. And it works like this. Imagine you’re in a pool.

Josh: Marco.

Lany: Pull off!

Zackry Adams: Guys! Guys! Forget about the pool. No more pool. Let’s just do the experiment. And for those of you doing the experiment along with us at home, make sure a parent or guardian is present because what comes first in the science room?

Lany: Um, the guy?

Zackry Adams: The guy?

Lany: Ya, my older sister said the guy like, always comes first. I don’t know.

Zackry Adams: Oh, my god! No! No! That’s not what that means. The guy does not come first here.

Josh: The girl comes first?

Lany: No, my sister says the girl never comes.

Zackry Adams: It’s safety! Safety comes first. That was an awful conversation we just had. Now, for today’s experiment, we’ll need a balloon. Josh, why don’t you blow one up. [Josh starts blowing a balloon] We also need a sewing needle and some scotch tape.

[Josh falls down and the balloon flies off]

Oh, my god! Josh. He passed out? Are you alright?

Josh: Yeah. What?

Zackry Adams: Alright, can we get another balloon?

[someone passes Zackry Adams a balloon]

Okay, guys, back. Now, look at this balloon. Now, we’re gonna put a piece of scotch tape on it and see what happens if I put something sharp through the scotch tape when I– [Lany and Josh are pulling the scotch tape] Okay, stop messing with this. Put this down. What will happen if I put a needle through the scotch tape through the balloon?

Josh: It will get vaccinated.

Zackry Adams: What? What would normally happen if I stick a needle through the balloon?

Lany: It will scream.

Zackry Adams: Look you stupid, stupid kids. What do balloons do?

Josh: Um, provide a sense of atmosphere?

Zackry Adams: If I stick a needle through an f-ing balloon, it will… what?

Josh: Come first?

[Zackry Adams pokes the balloon with the needle and throws the tape away in rage.]

Zackry Adams: If punctured, balloons will… Starts with a P, ends with a bop.

Lany: It will Bop.

Josh: Yeah, bop.

Zackry Adams: Alright! Go to that video with ducks flying coz I’m about to scream the C word into my shirt in the three, two, one…

[Cut to Science Room video bumper] [The End]