Khal Drogo’s Ghost Dojo | Season 44 Episode 8

Zerco… Kenan Thompson

Khal Drogo… Jason Momoa

Hodor… Beck Bennett

High Sparrow… Pete Davidson

Brienne of Tarth… Heidi Gardner

Joffrey… Kate McKinnon

Olenna Tyrell… Aidy Bryant

[Intro playing]

Narrator: You’re watching Dothraki Public Access. Up next, Khal Drogo’s Ghost Dojo.

[Cut to Zerco and Khal in a hut]

Zerco: Alright, welcome to Khal Drogo’s Ghost Dojo, where we talk to some of the hundreds of characters of  Game of Thrones who have been killed off the show. I am Zerco, bloodwriter to the great Khal himself. Khal, how are you feeling tonight?

Khal Drogo: [Cut to Khal] Hmm.

Zerco: [Cut to Khal and Zerco] Alright. So, Khal is not the biggest talker but he’s a cool dude when you get to know him. Do you know any fun plans for the weekend Khal?

Khal Drogo: [Cut to Khal] [Talking in Dothraki language, subtitle says “I will kill the men in iron suits and tear their stone houses”]

Zerco: [Cut to Khal and Zerco] Cool. Co-co-co-co-cool. Very cool. Very chill. Hey, you mind closing your legs just a little bit there Khal? Ever heard of the term man spreading?

[Khal takes his knife out and stabs Zerco twice]

You never know how fast they’ll kill off a character! [Zerco dies. But then, he stands again] And I’m back. Revived by a witch. All right. Let’s start the show and meet our first guest, our first ghost. He sacrificed his life to save Brandon and Mira. Pease welcome, Hodor!

[Cut to Hodor coming in and sits in the middle]

Hodor: Hodor.

Khal Drogo: Who you?

Hodor: Hodor

Khal Drogo: Why?

Hodor: Hodor.

Khal Drogo: What’d you do?

Hodor: Hodor.

Zerco: [Cut to Zerco] Okay, great combo. Thanks for stopping by, Hodor. Really glad that we got you two together. [Cut to everybody. Hodor walks towards the door] Hey, would you mind holding the door for our next guest?

Hodor: Hold the door? Hold the door! Hold the door! Hodor!

Zerco: [Cut to Zerco] Yeah, thanks, Hodor.

Hodor: [Cut to Khal and Hodor] Oh, please, yeah, no trouble at all.

Zerco: [Cut to Zerco] All right. Our next guest is a religious Zealot who led the face of the Seven until he got exploded. Please welcome the high sparrow.

High Sparrow: [Cut to High Sparrow comes in and Hodor leaves] Can I just ask where I am?

Zerco: Well, you’re in the Dothraki world.

High Sparrow: [Cut to Zerco and High Sparrow] Oh, like horse heaven? So glad I gave up sex for 50 years.

Khal Drogo: [Cut to everybody] I sex when I want with ever I want. Many, many partners.

High Sparrow: And we both ended up in the same heaven! It almost makes you question religion.

Zerco: Well, hey, I mean you ran that whole team. You were almost like a king.

Khal Drogo: You think you like king? [Khal carries a container of molten gold and pours it on High Sparrow’s head]

High Sparrow: I didn’t mean to offend you.

Khal Drogo: Shout for king!

High Sparrow: You ruined my potato sack!

Zerco: [Cut to Zerco] Wow. Okay. Well, I actually need to save a little bit of that molten gold to make a friendship bracelet, but no worries, I guess.

Brienne: [Cut to everybody. Brienne comes in with a sword in her hand] Is there a danger? Where are the stark children? Arya, Sansa, the cripple in the sled.

Zerco: Wait, Brienne of Tarth? Are you even dead? I mean, the show’s been out for so long, I’m honestly asking.

Brienne: I have sworn [Cut to Brienne and Khal] a blood oath to find and protect the Stark children wherever they be.

Khal Drogo: [Speaks in Dothraki language. Subtitle says, “If this man wants to fight I will give him what he wants”]

Brienne: Man? wow, you have a lot to learn about identity politics.

Khal Drogo: You’re right. Khal needs to learn from Khal’s mistakes or Khal never wins Oscar. Khal never holds Oscar.

Zerco: [Cut to Zerco] Wow, what a teachable moment, yeah. Now a quick word from our sponsors.

[Commercials start playing]

Narrator: Khal Drogo’s Ghost Dojo is brought to you by Little Beard Twisties. Want to keep your beard neat but still loose and crazy? Little Beard Twisties. And remember the red wedding? Well, that venue is now open for your wedding. What are the odds of it happening twice? We’ve cleaned up almost all of the blood and hired a new wedding planner. Dothraki Wardrobe provided by dead horses. When a horse dies, you wear it. And if you like elf on a shelf, ready for Khal On The Wall. He knows when you’ve been naughty and he’ll kill you.

[Cut to Zerco and Khal]

Zerco: Okay, we are back. And Khal is just eating rib, which means it’s time for our final guest. He’s the worst and everyone’s glad he’s dead. Please welcome, King Joffrey!

[Joffrey walks in] [Cut to everybody]

Joffrey: Go ahead and boo me. I love it. You’re all just mad that you’re not me. But catch me outside! I said catch me outside!

Zerco: Man, you are just despised.

Joffrey: They think they cannot handle all of this. I feed off the haters.

Zerco: Alright, now, Joffrey, you were poisoned to death, correct?

Joffrey: Perhaps, whatever.

Zerco: Well, what if I told you that the woman who poisoned you is here tonight? Olenna Tyrell, get out here!

Olenna: Oh, I know you, you son of a bitch. [Olenna and Joffrey start fighting] I’m about to kill you again Justin Bieber!

Zerco: We got to break this up. We got to break this up. [Zerco stops their fight] [Cut to Zerco] Let’s take a break. When we come back, we will see the results of our big makeover. Here’s what Oberyn Martell looked like after the Mountain gouged out his eyes and crushed his skull. [Picture of Oberyn’s face when Mountain crushed his eyes in the Game of Thrones series] And here’s what he looks like now. [Oberyn comes in with sunglasses on. Disco music stars playing and Oberyn starts dancing] Right here on Khal Drogo’s Ghost Dojo!

[Cut to Kyle Mooney in his set]

Kyle Mooney: And, hey, stay tuned after the show for “Talking Dojo”, where we dissect everything that just happened in the Ghost Dojo.

[Khal Drogo appears in Kyle Mooney’s set]

Khal Drogo: No more after shows! [Khal stabs Kyle with his knife] Best death ever!

 

Jason Mamoa Mo-Monologue | Season 44 Episode 8

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, Jason Momoa.

[Jason Momoa comes in the stage from the door. He walks in, jumps on the stage. He is bare feet.

Jason Momoa: Thank you very much, thank you very much. I’m so muscular to be hosting “Saturday Night Live”, huge! It’s such an honor to be on this stage. If you don’t know, I am an ‘SNL’ super nerd, dork. I’ve been watching this my whole entire life. [Applause and cheers]

And there was a time when I actually wanted to quick acting, I wanted to move to New York and try to get cast on ‘SNL’. Fortunately, I got sidetracked by a massively successful career, and I’m playing “Aquaman”. [Applause and cheers]

But now I’m here! And I’m hosting. I mean, this is probably one of the greatest moments of my life, right after having beautiful kids and marrying my red hot smoking wife, Lisa Bonet. Come on, Jase, hold it together. If you cry, it will rain in Hawaii. You know what, if it’s okay, I’m just going to take a second, savor this moment. Eli, if you can play that song I wrote.

[The back of the stage where the band play gets dark. Jason sits down on his knee and smiles as the band plays this song]

“This is my moment, I’m taking into
This is m moment, I’m the strongest man in the world”

[Jason stands]

Okay, great. Thanks, bud. This weekend has been amazing. I was so nervous to meet the cast. But for some reason, they’ve been asking, you know, they’re a little weird.

[Aidy Bryant comes in the stage]

Aidy Bryant: Oh hi, Jason!

Jason Momoa: Hi, Aidy.

Aidy Bryant: Would you mind opening this jar while looking at me directly in the eyes?

Jason Momoa: Sure.

[Jason opens the jar looking at Aidy]

Aidy Bryant: Oh, that’s going to be a big thing. I love you, best day of my life. Thanks you. Bye.

[Kenan Thompson, Leslie Jones and Chris Redd comes to the stage dressed up funky]

Leslie Jones: Alright. We got to impress.

Jason Momoa: Oh, wow, you guys look crazy. Is this for a sketch?

Leslie Jones: I’ll get to that. Let me ask you something, does “Aquaman” have a theme song?

Jason Momoa: I mean, not really. There’s music in the movie but it’s not really a theme.

Leslie Jones: Okay. Alright.

Kenan Thompson: Cool, cool.

Leslie Jones: We had an idea. You ever heard of “Aqua Boogie’ by Parliament Funkadelic?

Jason Momoa: Not really.

Chris Redd: You know, like George Clinton? P-Funk?

Jason Momoa: Nope.

Kenan Thompson: Aqua Boogie, from the 1978 album “Motor Booty Affair”?

Jason Momoa: Sorry, I never heard of it.

Chris Redd, Leslie Jones and Kenan Thompson: What? [Acting surprised]

Leslie Jones: It’s perfect for “Aquaman”. Check this out.

[Band starts playing music.Chris Redd, Leslie Jones and Kenan Thompson start dancing and singing]

Aqua boogie baby,
Never learned to swim

Underwater boogie baby,
Can’t catch the rhythm of the stroke

Aqua boogie baby,
Why should I hold my breath

Underwater boogie baby,
Feelin’ that I might choke

Jason Momoa: Whao, hold on, hold on.

Leslie Jones: So, what did you think of that, man?

Jason Momoa: Well, I mean it’s a cool song but did you just say never learnt how to swim?

Leslie Jones: I did. I sure did.

Kenan Thompson: Yeah, that’s how the song goes. You can check the lyrics if you need to.

Jason Momoa: So it’s a song about someone who can’t swim?

Leslie Jones: Absolutely.

Kenan Thompson: No doubt. No doubt.

Jason Momoa: Well, I’m Aquaman. His whole thing is he can swim really well.

Chris Redd, Leslie Jones and Kenan Thompson: Oh! [Realizing about the movie theme]

Leslie Jones: Yeah man, but this is about the feeling man! You got to give it a try. You know what I’m saying? Just read what’s on the cue card!

Kenan Thompson: Yeah, come on, man.

Leslie Jones: Come on, man.

Jason Momoa: Okay.

Kenan Thompson:  Put that glass in, dog.

Psycho alpha disco beta bio aqua do loop

Jason Momoa: The motion picture’s underwater, starring most of you-loops

Everybody: Aqua boogie baby,
Never learned to swim

Underwater boogie baby,
Can’t catch the rhythm of the stroke

Aqua boogie baby,

Jason Momoa: Why should I hold my breath

Everybody: Underwater boogie baby,
Feelin’ that I might choke

Psycho alpha disco beta bio aqua do loop

Jason Momoa: We got a great show for you tonight! Mumford and Sons is here. Stick around, man, we’ll be right back.