Political Musical | Season 44 Episode 4

Announcer…..Darrell Hammond

Performer 1…..Aidy Bryant

Performer 2…..Kate McKinnon

Performer 3…..Kyle Mooney

Audience 1…..Beck Bennett

Performer 4…..Melissa Villaseñor

Audience 2…..Chris Redd

Performer 5: Alex Moffat

Audience 3…..Heidi Gardner

Audience 4…..Mikey Day

[ Images of Broadway in NYC. ]

Announcer: It’s New York City, and Broadway’s the place to be. But why not go off-Broadway where they’re not afraid to go there. [ Cut to a screen that reads “Not afraid to GO THERE.”] Introducing ‘Divided We Stand.’ [ Cut to the outside of a theatre with ‘Divider We Stand’ on the marquee. ] A new musical [ Cut to the stage where the performers are ending a song. ] that dives head first into our current political climate.

[ Cut to Performer 1 walking onto the stage holding a suitcase and shawl around herself. ]

Performer 1: Ay dios mio. My country is no good. I need, como se dice, American Dream?

Announcer: In a show that can only be described as definitely written by the actors.

Performer 1: [ She begins to sing. ] Adios Venezuela. I’m finally on my way. Bienvenidos, America. And hello, Broadway. Broadway!

Announcer: ‘Time-Out New York’ calls it [ Cut to news headlines. ] “dangerously oversimplified” and “literally helping no one.”

[ Cut to Performer 2 singing. She is sitting with Performer 3 who joins her in song. ]

Performer 2: Border control, birth control, it’s all out of control.

Performer 2 & 3: I need another cup of coffee. [ They kiss. ] [ Cut to Audience member 1 viewing the show, then responding to an interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I guess the worst part of the play was their confidence in it.

[ Cut to the stage where six women are singing. ]

Performer 1, 2, & 4: Me too, me too, and you, and you, and you. It’s happened to all of us, how do you do? Me too, me too, me too.

[ Cut to more headlines about the play. ]

Announcer: “Jesus Christ,” says the New York Times, and “I don’t need to tell you, the cast was all white.”

[ Cut to Audience 2 looking at the program while viewing the play, then he is in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 2: They wrote in the cast list what makes them diverse and one person said, “Parents divorced.” And, that’s not for me.

[ Cut to Performer 5 rapping on stage, while performer 3 is beat-boxing. ]

Performer 5: Trump blames violence on the fake news media. Rewriting history like we read Wikipedia. War, troops, and hella pollution, what’s next 3D print the Constitution?

[ Cut to Audience 2 walking out on the play. ]

Announcer: Playbill.com writes “I was wondering why one guy had three separate raps and then I realized he was also the director.”

[ Cut to Audience 1 at his interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I’m actually dating a girl in the show.

[ Cut to Performer 4 dressed as a sexy Statue of Liberty. She is singing. ]

Performer 4: I am the Statue of Liberty, and there’s no way you’re getting into me.

[ Cut back to Audience 1 interviewing. ]

Audience 1: Umm, I think this might be it for us.

[ Cut to the cast on stage all singing and smiling. ]

Announcer: You’ll walk away wondering whose parents paid for this?

Performer 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5: Vote with your heart. Vote with a song. Vote with the notes, sing it loud and long. Show me the cast of ballot. Yeah, we could go to the polls. But what if we just sang? What if we just sang? We don’t have to do a thing, but siiiiiiinnnnggggggg. [ Performer 1 & 2 hold the last note in an attempt to sing longer than the other. ] [ Cut to Audience 3 & 4 in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 3: I think that last song was telling us not to vote.

[ Cut to the title screen for ‘Divided We Stand’ which is the title with a broken heart behind it. The heart is filled in with the USA flag print. ]

Announcer: Now playing at the Mariska Hargitay Theatre. Tickets are $140?!

Weekend Update: Eric and Donald Trump Jr. on the Mid-Term Elections | Season 44 Episode 2

Host…..Colin Jost

Eric.….Alex Moffat

Donald Trump Jr…….Mikey Day

[Starting the news with Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Now, with midterm elections a little over a month away, many Republicans are turning to the Trump name to help bolster their campaigns. Here to comment are first sons Eric and Donald Trump Jr.

[Camera slides to Eric and Donald Trump Jr.]

Donald Trump Jr.: Thank you, Colin. It’s good to be back here at SNL, Saturday Night Liberals. Haha… [Eric leans towards Colin laughing] Okay, that’s

Colin Jost: How were your summers, guys?

Donald Trump Jr.: Ooh, busy. For me it was running the Trump Organization, breaking ground on a new Trump Property–

Eric: And I had swim lessons.

Donald Trump Jr.: Yeah. Someone got his ducky badge.

[Cut to Eric showing his ducky badge under his jacket collar]

Yeah, baby. Yeah.

[Cut to Eric and Donald Trump Jr., Eric very proud]

No longer a tadpole bud. But midterms– midterms are next month, and that’s why my father has called for all Trump hands on deck. He asked me to stump for Republicans on the campaign drill.

Eric: And he asked me not to do that.

[Mimicking President Donal Trump] “Stay home, Eric.”

Donald Trump Jr.: Yeah, that’s right bud. You get to stay home and watch all the action on TV. Right? Fist bump, blow it up. Boom.

Eric: Ah! [Scared]

Donald Trump Jr.: Oh. It’s not a real explosion, just made a noise with my mouth. All right buddy? [Eric looks at Donald’s hand in a distrustful manner] It’s not magic in any way. It’s just a fist bud. Look, my father’s confident that supposed blue wave isn’t making landfall anytime soon, which I’m sure makes everyone sad here at SNL, Saturday Night Liberals– I’m sorry I’m teasing. [Cut to Eric, Donald, and Colin] I had to do it again. What do you do? Hey, we’re on fire. Maybe we should take over for Jost and Che buddy. I got some jokes I can tell.

Eric: Me too. What do the gay black jews–

Donald Trump Jr.: No, don’t tell them. No! You can’t tell that joke.

Eric: But dad does.

Donald Trump Jr.: No, he does not. No, he does not.

Eric: Yeah. He does. And he does all the voices.

Donald Trump Jr.: Respectfully. He does a very respectful gay voice.

Colin: [Cut to Colin, Eric, and Donald] I’m sure, yes. Now this week, the New York Times reported that President Trump set up Sham Corporations to disguise millions in gifts from his father to avoid taxes.

Donald Trump Jr.: Look, okay, yes. [Cut to Eric and Donald] Our grandfather gave our father gifts over the years, but it wasn’t to avoid taxes. It was to–

Eric: Evade taxes.

Donald Trump Jr.: No Eric. You want to play with your puppet? Got him a puppet. Here you go bud.

Colin: Oh, that’s great.

Donald Trump Jr.: Play with that. Collin, when the left is backed into a corner– don’t just stare at it. Don’t know how a puppet works? Look! Look, put your hand in here, right? Then you can make the mouth move. Look, [speaking as the puppet] “Hello Eric, I’m King funny face.”

Eric: Damn, he knows my name.

Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Yes. Everyone knows Eric’s name. He’s such a good boy.

Eric: Where do you live?

Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Oh, I live in a castle.

Eric: I live in a tower.

Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Oh.

Eric: King, can I ask you a question?

Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Um-hmm.

Eric: What did the gay black jew–

Donald Trump Jr.: No, okay. We’re done. Thank you, pal.

Colin: [Cut to Colin, Eric, and Donald] Eric and Donald Trump Jr. everyone. Thank you so much.