The Champions

Todd Hamel… Mikey Day

Charles Barkley

Alex Rodriguez

DC Timmons… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with The Champions intro] [Cut to Todd Hamel in his set]

Todd Hamel: Welcome to The Champions. Conversations with some of the best athletes ever to play the game. I’m your host, Todd Hamel. Today, we’re talking to huge names from three different sports. He was named one of the 50 greatest players in NBA history, sir Charles Barkley.

Charles Barkley: How are you doing?

[cheers and applause]

Todd Hamel: He is a 14 time all star who won the world series with the Yankeez in 2009, Alex Rodriguez.

Alex Rodriguez: Thank you for having me.

Todd Hamel: And dubbed the hardest hitting man in the NFL, legendary Pittsburgh Stealers linebacker, DC Timmons.

DC Timmons: Alright, now. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, alright! Nice to be here with these gentlemen. I admire you both playing your little games.

Charles Barkley: Little games? Come on, man!

DC Timmons: Ay! No disrespect, now. I mean, I know you have fun bouncing the baskyball, or skipping around the bases in your little tights. But football is war. Helmet to helmet. You break a finger? Suck it up, punk! You get knocked down seven times in one game, next time you better make it eight, sucker! But hey, you know what they say. If you wanna run with the big dogs, stay out of the kitchen. Coz your kitchen is full of dogs, Greg. [Putting his hand on Alex Rodriguez’s shoulder]

Alex Rodriguez: What? Who’s Greg?

DC Timmons: Exactly!

Charles Barkley: You alright, man?

DC Timmons: Ay, you alright too. [DC Timmons does fist bump with Charles Barkley] Alright. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Todd Hamel is speechless]

Todd Hamel: Um, well, DC brings up an interesting topic. Which league do you think is the toughest to plan?

Alex Rodriguez: Well, baseball has a grueling schedule with spring training and post season. You play up to 200 gams in 230 days.

Charles Barkley: Yeah. You spend half of time on the bench. The NBA is much tougher. We play 82 games. And you’re running 30 minutes a game or more.

Alex Rodriguez: Wait a minute, Charles. I watch. You weren’t always running.

Charles Barkley: Pfft!

DC Timmons: You wanna talk about running? Man, the football field is a 100 yards long. That’s 100 feet. And every foot matters, every down matters, and every kiss begins with Q.

Alex Rodriguez: I think that’s a K.

DC Timmons: Oh, sure it’s okay, Greg. [Putting his hand on Alex Rodriguez’s shoulder] You gotta get woke. It’s 2007!

Alex Rodriguez: Wow! Look, baseball players historically get injured often.

Todd Hamel: Yeah. But baseball player thinks a broken fingernail is an injury. Am I right?

DC Timmons: Ha-ha-ha! Sure you’re right, Greg! [pointing at Charles Barkley] I mean, look at the pretty boy over here. [pointing at Alex Rodriguez] A the Rod Johnson. Huh! His face still looking good. That don’t happen coming out of NFL. You see half of these teeth? [showing his teeth] Half of these teeth is fake. This eye? This eye made a sugar. Yeah. And this arm? Man! This arm was made by the wizards at industrial light and magic. [making magical noises] But it was all worth it [showing his three fingers without rings] for these four championship rings, baby! Count them up. Uno. Dos. Migos. Bekos. And that makes four.

Charles Barkley: You know what? I’ma change my mind. Football is definitely the toughest sport.

Alex Rodriguez: You know what? I change my mind too. It’s football. I mean, look at this poor dude.

[DC Timmons is looking here and there, acting all weird.]

Charles Barkley: Yeah. He’s calling everybody Greg. I’m glad NFL address these concussion rules.

DC Timmons: Come on, Greg! These new rules are ridiculous, man. Let me tell you something. Football is about– [DC Timmons stops moving]

Todd Hamel: DC?

DC Timmons: Yeah. I’ll have number three with fries and a diet coke.

Todd Hamel: [nods his head] Alright, let’s keep going. Despite the rigors of the game, each of you had a long career. Alex, you played for 22 years. And Charles, you played for 16 seasons.

Charles Barkley: I did. But the last four were in Houston. That should just count as one.

Todd Hamel: And DC, you played for [looking at the notes] nine games.

DC Timmons: Yes, sir. Nine games. Spread out over the coarse of seven seasons through the injuries and the death in the family.

Todd Hamel: Oh. I’m so sorry.

DC Timmons: Oh, no. It’s fine. I was only dead for a few minutes.

Todd Hamel: I see. Well, for every athlete, someday the game has to end. What advice do you have for former pros starting their post playing careers?

Alex Rodriguez: Well, I would say think about your next move before you leave the game. Luckily, many athletes can make money doing endorsements.

DC Timmons: Oh, I’ve been down that road just like you, pretty boy. Yeah. I’ve been up down the billboard in my underwear. Um-hmm.

Alex Rodriguez: Yeah. It’s pretty embarrassing, right?

DC Timmons: Yeah. Specially when the police got to come and get you down!

Charles Barkley: I’m worried about what football did to this man’s head.

Alex Rodriguez: Yeah. I know it’s tough for older players.

DC Timmons: Yeah. It sure is. Luckily for me, I’m only 27.

Charles Barkley: Damn!

Todd Hamel: With that, let’s take a break. When we come back, our pannel will take us through their career highlights. Stay right there.

[DC Timmons walks very close to camera]

DC Timmons: Yeah. Like I said, the number three with fries.

Todd Hamel: DC! DC!