Annie… Melissa Villaseñor
Golly… Cecily Strong
Ricky… Jason Sudeikis[Starts with show intro]
Male voice: We now return to the feel good orphan musical, Annie.[Annie arrives at her new home]
Annie: Wow, wee. I can’t believe this is Mr. Warbuck’s house. It’s so much bigger than the orphanage.
Golly: Well, Mr. Warbucks is the richest man in America. But it’s not just his house anymore, Annie. Now, it’s your house too. And I may be getting ahead of myself but…[singing] I think you’re gonna like it here [house cleaners and helpers walk in dancing]
Annie: Golly, who are all these people?
Golly: Staff of course. They’re here to meet your every need.
Ms. May will clean up all your toys.
Ms. May: Make as big of a mess as you want.
Golly: Ms. Fink will make your bed each day.
Ms. Fink: It will be my pleasure.
Golly: Chef Pat is here to cook your meals.
Chef Pat: I’m thinking Lobster Thermidor.
Golly: And we don’t know what Ricky does.
Ricky: Ay, look. I can’t talk about it. Alright? Go someone else.
Golly: Ms. Fin will teach you how to read.
Ms. Fin: You’ll be excellent student.
Golly: Ms. Cob will teach you how to write.
Ms. Cob: You’ll be in shape in no time.
Ricky: And I’m not a creep or anything like that
Hey, welcome to the mansion. Have a tootsie roll.
Annie: I think I’m gonna like it here. Thanks, mister.
Golly: No, no, no. Don’t eat that. What are you doing?
Ricky: I don’t know. I got worried that the kid would think I’m a creep or somthing.
Golly: So you gave her candy from your pocket?
Ricky: Yeah. Look, kid, there’s a simple reason I can’t sing about what I do for Mr. Warbucks. Okay? And the reason is it’s illegal.
Annie: What’s illegal?
Ricky: Has he got money? Not much. You know. Anyway, I’ll get out of her.
Golly: Yeah, please do.
Ms. May will teach you how to swim
Annie: Ms. May?
Ms. May: I clean and swim.
Golly: Ms. Fink will comb your hair each night.
Annie: You will?
Ms. Fink: Yeah, whatever. But you know, since it came up, I would like some answers about what you do here, Ricky.
Ricky: Ah, sweetheart, let’s let sleeping dogs lie, yes?
Ms. Fink: No, no, no. We’ve been intimate with each other. For three, four last time. So talk.
Ricky: I mean, no. Come on. Let’s keep the focus on Amy.
Golly: No. Her name is Annie.
Ricky: Nobody cares, okay? Look, guys, it’s no big deal, okay? Mr. Warbucks and some of his rich friends have a little club, right? Okay? And I provide a service for that club, and in return he pays me 20,000 Gs a week.
Ms. May: Good god. What the hell kind of club is this, Ricky?
Ricky: It’s nothing. Anyway, [singing] I think you’re gonna love this house.
Let the kid sing. Go on, Amy. Sing.
Annie: Used to room in a tomb, where I’d sit and freeze
look me now, holy cow–
Golly: [interrupting] Sorry, Annie, to break in. I think we’re all uncomfortable. We’d like to know more about this club and what you do for them.
Ricky: Christ! Okay, here’s how it is. Mr. Warbucks and his pals get together every month and have a ceremony where they eat a very rare, very expensive type of meat. I provide that meat.
Annie: Oh god. Are they eating–
Ricky: No, no, no. It’s not what you think, okay? It’s people. They’re already gone, okay? When I get them. Alright? And their families are paid very handsomely for their troubles.
Chef Pat: That’s what I’ve been cooking? I thought that was pork.
Annie: Pork? Yummy! I’d sure like to try that.
Golly: No, no, no.
Ricky: Amy, that’s not for you. Okay. Finish up the song. It’s a great song. I love it.
Golly: Okay. Thank you. Okay. We will.
Golly: We’ve never had a little girl.
Ricky: And neither has Warbucks and his pals, okay? He’s never eaten a kid, okay? All he’s eaten is adult meat. It’s part of a ritual.
All: We have but one request
Ricky: Don’t look in the freezer
All: I think you’re gonna like it her[Mr. Warbucks walks in]
Mr. Warbucks: My home is your home, Annie. Are we all set for the feast, Ricky?
Ricky: Oh, yeah.
Mr. Warbucks: And what will we be eating?
Ricky: Your choice, sir. Italian or Greek?
Mr. Warbucks: Let’s have both. Right this way, gentlemen.[Four adults wearing masks walk in]