Ted Cruz Rally: Season 44 Episode 2

Hype Woman…..Awkwafina

Hype Man…..Kenan Thompson

Ted Cruz…..Beck Bennett

[People cheering. Cut to people standing in a line and cheering.]

Voiceover: There’s something happening in Texas. [Cut to an article that says “Beto O’Rourke Rally Draws Record Numbers in Texas.]

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] How ya’ll feeling today?

Kenan Thompson: How ya’ll feeling?

Voiceover: [Cut to internet article and crowd] The most closely watched race in America.

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] I said how ya’ll feeling today?

Kenan Thompson: Dallas!

Voiceover: [Cut to internet article] It is electric.

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina on a stage] Ya’ll like [inaudible 00:00:17] ? [Cut to crowd excited] Ya’ll like [Cut to Awkwafina on a stage. Cut to Kenan Thompson on a stage] [inaudible 00:00:20] ? [Cut to crowd excited. Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] Ya’ll like Ted Cruz?

Kenan Thompson: We are about to find out.

Sound Effect: TED CRUZ!

[Cut to Ted Cruz coming to the stage waving to the audience. Ted Cruz stands close to mic. Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson standing behind Ted Cruz]

Ted Cruz: Hi, I’m Ted Cruz. [Cut to audience covering their ears as they hear sound distortion. Cut to Ted Cruz speaking and Awkwafinad and Kenan Thompson standing behind him] Look when God whispered to me that I should run for Senate, he didn’t tell me it was going to be a popularity contest. [Cut to Ted Cruz speaking] But we are going to throw the coolest rally in town. [Cut to crowd clapping] Stop. Humor time. What do you call a Democrat in Texas? [Ted Cruz drops the mic, and he talks in the damaged mic] We call the Democrats in Texas…. [Cut to crowd watch at shock as the speaker explodes]

Awkwafina: You know, maybe Ted Cruz can’t sound cool [Cut to Awkwafina, Ted Cruz and Kenan Thompson on the stage] but I bet we can make him look cool.

Kenan Thompson: Who want to see Ted Cruz dunk a basketball? [Cut to Ted Cruz, Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson passing basketball. Ted Cruz tried to dribble the ball on the stage, but it doesn’t bounce. Cut to the bored crowd.]

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina speaking with Ted Cruz and Kenan Thompson on the stage] We need to hit the emergency party button.

Kenan Thompson: Oh! [Cut to Ted Cruz going and pressing the party button. Cut to embarrassing wet confetti stuck together falls on the ground. Cut to Kenan Thompson moves towards the party button and presses it. The button then works. Ted Cruz is disappointed.]

Ted Cruz: Okay. [Ted Cruz jumps and tried to dab hard, but he hits his own nose.] Ouch. [Cut to Ted Cruz holding his nose]

Kenan Thompson: Ted’s nose is bleeding up here so [Cut to Ted Cruz, Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on the stage] why don’t we just wrap this up?

Awkwafina: Give it up one more time [Cut to Ted Cruz holding his nose and waving his hand] for Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz: [The Ted Cruz backdrop falls]Your future senator.

Sound effect: Ted Cruz!

Film Panel: Season 44 Episode 2

Karen Domineau…..Aidy Bryant

Marion Cotillard…..Cecily Strong

Allison Janney…..Heidi Gardner

Sandra Oh…..Awkwafina

Debette Goldry…..Kate Mckinnon

[56th New York Film Festival’s intro plays. Cut to the show where the host and four actresses are sitting]

Karen Domineau: Welcome to the 2018 New York Film Festival Actress round table. [Cut to Karen Domineau] Tonight’s topic “Me too, year two, how we doing Hollywood?” Joining me are some of today’s brightest stars. First, Marion Cotillard.

Marion Cotillard: [Cut to Marion Cotillard] Yes, je m’appelle, hello.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] She’s an Oscar winner. And also I guess on the show ‘Mom,’ Miss Allison Janny.

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Yeah, well that’s me pumpkin.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] Next, the start of Grey’s Anatomy and Killing Eve, Sandra Oh.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] Hello, it’s an honor to play woman who give long speeches immediately after a shower.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] And finally a legend of such classis Hollywood films as Shimmy on the Train Tracks and The Jiggle Sisters, The incomparable Debette Goldry.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry ] Thank you. I’m- I’m so happy to be here is what I wanted to say on my tombstone. Would someone write that down?

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] Miss Goldry, I have to say I’m such a fan. I have all your movies.

Debette Goldry: Oh, and I have no idea who either of us is.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to host and the actresses] All right. Well, this week marks the one year anniversary of [Cut to Karen Domineau] the Harvey Weinstein story. Despite the strides, Hollywood has made, what still needs to change?

Marion Cotillard: [Cut to Marion Cotillard] You know, some of these men producers are terrified to meet alone with a woman. They need to stop shouting us out.

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] They need to give bad men second chances.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] They need to stop using our fingerprints when they commit party murders.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] I’m sorry, what?

Debette Goldry: It’s a huge problem in Hollywood that, you know. [Cut to Debette Goldry] These men, they’ll have a party at a house in Palm Springs. Some girl takes a nap in the pool. And they’re all, “Please baby, just touch the knife. I’ll buy you a sweater. Be a pal.” You girls know what I’m talking about.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] No, I’ve never experienced anything like that.

Debette Goldry: Okay, see? Progress.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] So, how do you all think that the movement has spread to the culture at large?

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] You see it with politics now. More women are coming forward.

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Let me tell you, these politicians can defend their supreme court justice all they want, but usually when they’re smoke there’s fire.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] And when there’s fire, there’s Rita Hayworth taking a cigarette nap. That sleepy bitch.

Marion Cotillard: [Cut to Marion Cotillard] You- you can see it in those hearings. You know, there’s a double standard. If a woman acted the way he did, she’d be labeled hysterical.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Now, I was labeled hysterical once. I asked them to clean [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] my costume in between shoot days. And they sent me to a spa to relax and get a lobotomy. And now I cannot think or smell.

Sandra Oh: Oh my god, are you okay?

Debette Goldry: I think so.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] How has the movement affected the types of roles you’re being offered?

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] It’s exciting that this has sort of compounded the existing conversation of representation. There’s so many roles for Asian women today where before there were almost none.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Now What? That’s not true. There were plenty of fabulous parts for Asian gals in the 1940, and I played all of them.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry] And that’s offensive.

Debette Goldry: No it’s not Sinder Hoe, I was a brunette. What’s the damn problem?

Sandra Oh: I’m going to ignore all of that because I really like her. I think this moment is an opportunity women are coming forward with stories from a long time ago, and they need to be heard.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Yeah. I actually would like to come forward about something that happened to me a long time ago. I was babysitting for a very powerful family. Have you heard of the Lindberghs?

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Yeah. Wait, did you lost the Lindbergh baby?

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Well, Ish! I left him on a porch with a sign that said: “Famous baby, please don’t steal.” What could I do? I had an audition. Silver lining, I booked it. I was the queen of Siel.

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] How Okay. I’m just going to reset because my boss is here. Do you think there’s a place for men in this movement?

Allison Janny: [Cut to Allison Janny] Absolutely, we need male allies.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Right. Male allies. That means gay husband, right? I had a lot of male allies.

Sandra Oh: [Cut to Sandra Oh] I just want to say that there are plenty of good men who collaborate with women and respect their ideas.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Yes, that’s right. I had that kind of relationship with Orson Wells when he made CDs and came. I was the one that gave him the idea for a rosebud. But I wasn’t talking about a darn sled. I was talking about my wet hole. [Cut to Sandra Oh and Debette Goldry]

Karen Domineau: [Cut to Karen Domineau] Okay. I’m afraid that we’re out of time.

Debette Goldry: [Cut to Debette Goldry] Oh good. Just in time for my cigarette nap. Can we dim the lights, please?

[Closing screen to 56th New York Film Festival playing]