Weekend Update- Baby Yoda on Star Wars Day Celebrations

Michael Che

Baby Yoda… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Well, this past Tuesday was May the 4th, aka Star Wars Day. Here to share his thoughts on what Star Wars means to him is star of the Mandalorian, Baby Yoda.

[Baby Yoda slides in] [cheers and applause]

Baby Yoda: [shouting] Whoa! This side, say what? This side, say what?

Michael Che: Whoa! That’s some great energy, Baby Yoda. Happy Star Wars Day. How did you celebrate?

Baby Yoda: Let’s see. I smoked weed and took pills because I’m not like a nerd. You know, I really love the fans. And I actually think they’re cool. [looks at Michael Che and shakes his head no]

Michael Che: Yeah, I think I got it. Thanks for being here. You’re looking pretty jacked. I mean, have you been working out?

Baby Yoda: Oh, yeah. I’ve been hitting the gym. You know, getting my sets in. Yeah. And actually, I’d like to take this opportunity to announce I’m dedicating my life to MMA style fighting.

Michael Che: Wow, really?

Baby Yoda: Yeah. I got the bug. Big trade, holler at my boys, Jake and Logan Paul. They got to be eating right, getting on that treadmill and taking a significant amount of performance-enhancing drugs.

Michael Che: Come on, man.

Baby Yoda: Ay, look what I can, Che. [punching] Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! At the end of the day, get me against the ropes, I can hit them with “I’m just a baby”, Blap! Bye-bye.

Michael Che: Wow, man. I’m really happy for you.

Baby Yoda: Yeah, man. My life is a movie right now. I’m doing the fighting. I got a great group of friends. And we all young, horny and famous.

Michael Che: Okay. So, who are you friends?

Baby Yoda: So, it’s me, Chalamet, cousin Greg, the kid from Anari, and of course, Lightening McQueen from Cars. These are all designated driver. Wink!

Michael Che: See, okay, I don’t love that.

Baby Yoda: No, you do. And if you don’t, I’ll be like, Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Come on, Che. You can’t do nothing. I’ve got that McDonald’s money.

Michael Che: McDonald’s? We don’t know what you’re talking about.

Baby Yoda: Alright. Yes. So, McDonald’s is doing this limited edition Baby Yoda meal. Yeah, it’s a quarter pounder, small soda, two big ass eggs, and a little baggie of MDMA.

Michael Che: Oh my god. Is that supposed to be good for you?

Baby Yoda: Hhhhhhhhhhhhell yeah!

Michael Che: You need to relax.

Baby Yoda: Not really. But one last thing. June 23rd, Ceasars palace, pay-per-view, me and Baby Groot, hand to hand in a little ass ring. 0-0. Baby Groot, I look forward to seeing you. I know it’s for charity, but I do intend to end your life that night. I will kill you. And I will enjoy it.

Michael Che: Alright! Baby Yoda, everybody.

Opening Credits Songs

Nicole Kidman… Chloe Fineman

Anya Taylor-Joy… Melissa Villaseñor

David Harbour… Beck Bennett

Julie Andrews… Cecily Strong

Nicholas Braun… Pete Davidson

Gillian Anderson… Kate McKinnon

Kim Cattrall… Chloe Fineman

Baby Yoda… Kyle Mooney

Kelsey Grammer… Alex Moffat

John Krasinski

[Starts with Nicole Kidman’s intro]

Male voice: If you’ve watched “The Undoing”, you might have noticed that one of the stars of the show, Nicole Kidman, sang the theme song.

Nicole Kidman: [singing] Why am I alone, it’s blue as can be (my son)
dream a little dream of me

Did you notice my coat?

Male voice: We did. Inspired by Nicole, stars of your other favorite shows now singing their theme songs on ‘Now that’s what I call theme songs sung by the stars of the show’. So, enjoy this original theme song that was cut from the opening of “The Queen’s Gambit”.

[Cut to Anya Taylor-Joy]

Anya Taylor-Joy: [singing] Chess and drugs and drugs and chess
girl playing chess, then doing drugs
then playing chess
now when you see people playing chess
now you will know, they’re on drugs

Male voice: And hey, if you like Stranger Things, you’ll love the new season four opening credits performed by Sheriff Jim “Hop” Hopper.

[Cut to David Harbour]

David Harbour: [singing] Welcome to the 80s, I’m about to blow your mind
in Hawkins, Indiana, scary aliens you’ll find

lots of kid actors but they’re actually good
there’s something strange in your neighborhood

Oops! That’s Ghostbuster, girl!

Male voice: And Julie Andrews, the narrator of “Bridgerton”.

[Cut to Julie Andrews]

Julie Andrews: [singing] Sex, lots of color blind sex
sex, we put on costume for sex

but why do these opening credits
look like a screensaver from the 90s? 

Male voice: And wow, check out Cousin Greg from “Succession” lending his own unique style to their theme song.

[Cut to Nicholas Braun]

Nicholas Braun: [singing] Huh? What?
Huh? What?
Huh? What?
Huh? What?

Male voice: And what about Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher singing the theme song for “The Crown”?

[Cut to Gillian Anderson]

Gillian Anderson:  [singing] This is the crown


Male voice: Pretty sure that was the theme song from “The Voice”. And you’ve probably heard the rebooting “Sex and the City”. Kim Cattrall is not in the new show but she does sing the theme song.

[Cut to Kim Cattrall]

Kim Cattrall: [singing] Sex an the City without Samantha
doesn’t that sound fun?

it’s Sex and the City without the sex
hope you enjoy the city


Male voice: And don’t miss the opening theme to “The Mandalorian” as performed by Baby Yoda.

[Cut to Baby Yoda]

Baby Yoda: Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.
oh, yeah, what?
turn it up, turn it up, yo
Yo, come on, now, yo
Mandolorian, native Californian

Enough! This beat is whack! I got to wrap to this? Come on, now?

Male voice: And now that Frasier is back on Pika, Kelsey Grammer has release a brand new version of the theme song. But he has modernized the lyrics as only Kelsey Grammer can.

[Cut to Kelsey Grammer]

Kelsey Grammer: [singing] Hey, maybe I hear you Instagramming,
TikTok salads and Twitter eggs

Male voice: And finally, John Krasinski sings the long lost lyrics to the original “The Office” theme song which he wrote himself.

[Cut to John Krasinski]

John Krasinski:[singing] Scranton,Scranton, Scranton,
Scranton, Scranton, Scranton, Scranton
that’s where we all live and work

that’s a calculator
there’s Dwight, he’s the bad guy
and the hero’s name is Jim
highlighting, that’s his girlfriend
that guy’s on the phone,
tie flip, then there’s me again
then Carell does the trophy thing
the office

Male voice: Stars sing the songs from the shows they’re on. Available wherever I am. Come and find me.

Weekend Update: Baby Yoda

Michael Che

Baby Yoda… Kyle Mooney

Colin Jost

[Starts with Michael Che on his news set]

Michael Che: This week has announced a new line of Baby Yoda toys based on the character from the hit Disney Plus show, “The Mandalorian.” Here to comment is oh, my goodness, Baby Yoda.

[Baby Yoda slides in]

Oh. Ooh. Aren’t you just adorable in your little space carriage? [Baby Yoda laughing] So, Baby Yoda, you’re quite the breakout star, aren’t you?

Baby Yoda: Oh. Oh. [starts humming and dancing] Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: Oh, my goodness. Is he dancing?

[Baby Yoda is still dancing]

Baby Yoda: Ooh. Oh, oh. \

Michael Che: This is so cute, man!

Baby Yoda: [in adult voice] Yeah, you like that, Che?

Michael Che: I’m sorry, what did you say, Baby Yoda?

[cut to Baby Yoda]

Baby Yoda: I said you like that? ‘Cause I am killing it. Woowee. I’m cute. Oh!

[Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: You can talk? You don’t sound a lot like a Yoda.

[Cut to Baby Yoda]

Baby Yoda: [in deep voice] Oh, sound like this I should?

[in normal voice] Ay, come on, man. That’s played out. Baby Yoda’s what’s popping right now. Hell yeah.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: Wow! I guess you’re a little more self-aware than you let on.

Baby Yoda: Oh, come on man. It ain’t even like that.

[Cut to Michael Che]

Baby Yoda: But I’ve been blessed. I been blessed. People are liking the show. All the memes and the fans. Some sliding in the DMs a little bit. Yo, and I’m not saying nothing. But it’s been very—um—beneficial. And let’s just leave to that. [laughs like a baby] [Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: Oh. Okay.

Baby Yoda: Nah, but for real, me and the boys are having fun. [Cut to Baby Yoda] The squad is in the house. [Cut to a photoshopped picture] That’s me, Timothee Chalamet, Robert Pattinson, and the two guys from the “Sonic” commercials.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: That’s very cool.

Baby Yoda: Thanks, man. And you know, big thing coming for your boy.

Michael Che: Oh, really? Like, other projects?

[Cut to Michael Che]

Baby Yoda: Yeah, yeah, man. I got a clothing line coming out. It’s these dope three-fingered gloved called “Handalorians.” Plus I got the rap mixtape, the Reebok deal, the stand-up special with NETFLIX.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: You do stand-up?

[Cut to Baby Yoda]

Baby Yoda: I mean yeah! I basically just tell stories about who hooked up on Mandalorian set. Me! But yeah, it’s been a while. That’s the spirit. You know, I do have my haters though.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: Really? You have any enemies?

Baby Yoda: Nah, man. It ain’t like that, but if I may. [Cut to Baby Yoda] Baby Groot. Do me a favor. Keep my name out of your little tree mouth before I snap you like a twig.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baby Yoda]

Michael Che: Baby Yoda, everybody! For “Weekend Update”, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost.