Bailey Kizmer… Heidi Gardner
Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his news set]
Michael Che: Fall movies have brought both box office hits and Oscar buzz. Here to talk about the hottest films hitting theaters this season is teen movie critic and star of her very own youtube channel, Bailey at the movies, please welcome Bailey Kizmer.[Bailey Kizmer slides in] [Cheers and applause]
Bailey Kizmer: What’s up?
Michael Che: Well, hi, Bailey. It’s very nice to see you.
Bailey Kizmer: Hmm. So official. Reporting for duty, Mr. Che.
Michael Che: Okay, Bailey. How was your summer? Let’s start there.
Bailey Kizmer: Oh, well. I got thrown into the pool by everyone of my guy friends. I mean, I guess it’s because I’m like, light? I don’t know.
Michael Che: All right, Bailey, so what movies have you seen recently?[Cut to Bailey Kizmer]
Bailey Kizmer: Okay. So, I saw “IT Chapter Two”. And I don’t know, like, ooh. Awkward! It was like, Pennywise was so keep hanging out with the same kids? You’re a dusty ass clown. Awkward![Cut to Michael Che and Bailey Kizmer]
Michael Che: I getthat. Well, did you see anything else?
Bailey Kizmer: So, I saw – I saw “Judy”. [Cut to Bailey Kizmer] It’s like awkward. The singing was thirsty. It’s like—I’m in jazz choir too. But I didn’t make a whole jazz choir movie about it.[Cut to Michael Che and Bailey Kizmer]
Michael Che: All right. Did you see “Joker”? Lots of people talking about “Joker”.
Bailey Kizmer: I mean, I looked at it. So, I guess I saw it and yeah, it was like psycho but it’s nothing I can’t handle.
Michael Che: What? Bailey? Do you like the Joker?[Cut to Bailey Kizmer]
Bailey Kizmer: Okay. His name is Arthur, and I don’t like him. I just like think I could help him. And yeah, Arthur and I have a lot in common. We’re silly. We’re fit. We have good looks.[Cut to Michael Che and Bailey Kizmer]
Michael Che: Bailey you just admitted you like the Joker.[Cut to Bailey Kizmer]
Bailey Kizmer: Michael, I know you know him, because you’re both trying to do comedy or whatever.[Cut to Michael Che and Bailey Kizmer]
If you tell him that I like him, like, he could kill me.
Michael Che: Hey, Bailey, I did not mean to make you mad.
Bailey Kizmer: Not—[Cut to Bailey Kizmer] I’m not mad. Okay? I just—Oh! It’s just like the beginning of the year, and like, all my hot older guy friends went off to college and like, I know, like, Leslie’s gone and she was like your wife, but that’s –[Cut to Michael Che and Bailey Kizmer] that’s one person. I’m just like slammed. Okay? [Cut to Bailey Kizmer] With the debate and ping-pong and next week I have to tie like 1,000 ribbons. [Cut to Michael Che and Bailey Kizmer]
Michael Che: Why do you have to tie ribbons?
Bailey Kizmer: To end hurricanes, Michael!
Michael Che: I think you’re gong to have a great year.
Bailey Kizmer: What are you, like my dad now? Meantime, like and subscribe below. And follow my other channel where I try nasty foods from other countries.
Michael Che: Bailey Kizmer, everybody.
Bailey Kizmer: The Joker director was right. The comedy was too woke.