Weekend Update- TikTok Fights Texas Ban, Chipotle Hiring for “Burrito Season”

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set. There’s a picture of Dallas Zoo.]

Colin Jost: The Dallas zoo has been dealing with the disappearance of several animals, including a leopard, monkeys and a vulture. In an unrelated story. Check out my amazing coat. [picture changes to Colin wearing coat made of those animals’ skins] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of TikTok logo.]

Michael Che: Officials that TikTok are trying to stop efforts in Congress to ban the app by launching a campaign called ‘Project Texas’ because tick tock is their baby. And they know Texas won’t let them get rid of it.

[picture changes to an article that says “Chatbot lets people talk to Jesus and Hitler”]

A new AI Chatbot as created controversy after it allowed users to talk with Jesus and Hitler, and one guy who thinks he’s both. [picture changes to Kanye West]

It’s just news guys.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a chihuahua.]

Colin Jost: A 23 year old Chihuahua in Ohio named Spike has been officially named the world’s oldest living dog. The secret to spikes long life? A lot of chihuahuas look the same.

[picture changes to Chipotle logo]

Chipotle has announced plans to hire 15,000 people to prepare for its busiest time of year which they are calling burrito season. And toilets are calling the apocalypse.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Antartica.]

Michael Che: Researchers in Antarctica have discovered a 17 pound meteorite. Sadly it was on top of the last polar bear.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of an article that says “Site paying for people to eat cheese before bed”.]

Colin Jost: A mattress review site is paying people to test the theory that eating cheese before bed will give a person nightmares. But if you’re in bed, eating cheese till you pass out, your life is already a nightmare.