Miles Teller
Mikey day
Chloe Fineman
Ego Nwodim
Heidi Gardner
[Starts with Tyler and Chodecork in a rooftop bar]
Tyler: Hell yeah, cloud bars hopping tonight.
Chodecork: Hell yeah. it’s gonna be a good night, dude.
Tyler: Damn right. Deserve it. I crushed work today.
Chodecork: Yes.
Tyler: God damn, I love day trading bro. I live for it.
Chodecork: Heard dude, I stand day trading bro.
Tyler: Yo, not gonna lie, girls in here tonight, decent. Lot of talent in the room this eve. Going to get my flirt on them, I squirt on, you feel me?
Chodecork: Yes, dude. Yo, lately I’ve been into like flat ass, flat chest, tiny teeth.
Tyler: Okay, yeah, not as much into the tiny teeth thing as much, but you know, I’m just looking for a cutie to make a mess with, you know? Yo, honey alert. Let’s close these two finies.
Chodecork: Oh, hell yeah. Charm never did no harm.
[Chloe and Ego walk in. They just sit beside Tyler and Chodecork. But now, Tyler and Chodecork aren’t able to speak a word.]
Chodecork: Getting drunk?
Chloe: Sorry?
Chodecork: [speaking weirdly] You guys getting drinks?
Chloe: Oh, drinks. Yeah.
Chodecork: Cool. Cool. [in ridiculous voice] Alcohol! [pokes her twice] Boop, boop. Sorry. Yeah, I love alcohol.
Tyler: [to Ego] I work in Finance.
Ego: Okay, cool. Excuse me, bartender.
5: Yeah, what do you need sweetie?
Ego: I can I get a Stella?
Tyler: Stella! Ha-ha.
Chloe: And can I get a vodka cran?
Chodecork: Ooh, cranberry. Oh-oh. UTI?
Chloe: Excuse me?
Chodecork: I don’t know. That was weird. [singing] Why am I talking like this? Put these fair maids drinks on mine tab, good miss.
Ego: You don’t have to do that.
Chodecork: Yes. With your finest top shelf liquor.
5: Okay, top shelf has a $90 up charge. That okay?
Chodecork: [high pitched voice] Oh, why so much? [deep voice] Why so serious? Batman. No, we chilling. Um, how much is the liquor three shelves down from the top?
5: All right. Let’s just do Stella. You gotta a tab?
Chodecork: Yeah, name is Nick Chodecork.
5: You got to speak up, hun.
Chodecork: Nick Chodecork. It’s a VMA debit.
5: Okay, Chodecork? Got it.
Tyler: So you guys are friends?
Chloe and Ego: Yeah.
Tyler: Black and white? Hell yeah. I’ll clap for that.
Chodecork: Yeah. So, let’s chat. Did you guys buy your clothes at a store or online?
Chloe: Store.
Ego: Store as well.
Tyler: We all like stores. Yeah.
Ego: I mean, it depends on which one. Is she almost back with the drinks?
Tyler: Depends on which one. Okay, very cool. You like some stores, you like other stores? You’re like, I don’t know. I don’t know. Might not go in there.
Chodecork: Yeah.
Chloe: I mean, yeah.
Tyler: Yeah, that’s interesting. Very, very cool. Stores, yeah. Whoo!
5: Chodecork, your card was declined.
Chodecork: Please run it again.
Tyler: What are y’all streaming? Y’all watch Stranger Things?
Ego: If you’re asking if I watch Stranger Things, then yes, I do.
Tyler: Yes. I’m running on back gear. [singing]
Chodecork: [pointing at Chloe’s breasts] Boobies. I’m sorry. [singing] Why did I do that?
Tyler: I work in Finance.
Ego: Yeah. You said that?
Tyler: Ha-ha-ha-ha. You guys would like come over to our apartment?
Ego: Wait, you’re roommates? You guys are like, 40.
Tyler: Yeah. Good one.
Chloe: Let’s just got to the patio bar. Nice talking.
Chodecork: Yeah.
Chloe and Ego: Bye.
Chodecork: Yeah. [Chloe and Ego leave] Yo, how did that happen, bro? Your game was on point.
Tyler: I know dude, right? Like I’m in a mad dry spell right now. No joke. It’s been 11 years since I did it. But like on purpose, you know?
Chodecork: Yeah. I mean, I’ve never done it. So I mean, I guess the last time was like, I’ve been waiting my whole life I guess. I don’t know. Should I just like give up?
Tyler: No. Let’s do a lap.
Chodecork: Yeah, most that.