Ooli Show

Barn… Mikey Day

Ooli… Chloe Fineman

Ragnorok… Elon Musk

Frances McDormand… Kate McKinnon

Steve Buscemi… Pete Davidson

Bjork… Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with channel intro]

Male voice: You’re watching Iceland Public Television.

[Cut to show intro]

Male voice: Pop culture. Bops. Celebrities. Games. Candy. It’s the “Ooli show”.

[Cut to Barn]

Barn: And now, let meet host, Iceland’s number one social media star, Ooli.

[Cut to Barn]

Ooli: Hello and welcome to the Ooli show. Pretty cool. I’m Ooli and this is my side guy, Barn.

Barn: We got big show today, Ooli.

Ooli: So cool. Iceland’s number one comedy duo is here. Thobo and Graptor.

[Cut to Ragnorok and Frances. They just groan.] [Cut back to Ooli]

Ooli: Ha-ha-ha-ha. Hilarious. So, you have a good weekend, Barn?

Barn: Yes. I visited my elf shrine, Ooli. I left a tiny sausage for them.

Ooli: Aw, so cute. You have to keep the elfs happy or they spill your shoes. Oh, I see my producer Ragnorok is trying to get my attention. What’s wrong? Did I mess something?

Ragnorok: You? Ha-ha-ha. Never. I just can’t hold it any longer, Ooli. I’m in love with you. Please, will you be my girlfriend?

Ooli: Aw, Ragnorok, you’re so silly. But no. Okay, time to say, “What’s up, y’all?”, to our big celebrity star, Frances McDormand.

[Frances walks in. Barn, Ooli and Ragnorok are dancing]

Frances: Are you going to stop dancing or are we–? [They don’t stop] Okay.

Ooli: Yeah! [after dancing a while, Ooli and Barn take their seats] So, Frances, welcome to the ‘Ooli Show’. What’s bringing you to Iceland?

Frances: I’m here to buy more Gray Sack dresses. Ha-ha-ha. I’m out of Gray Sacks.

Ooli: Wow. Pretty cool.

Frances: So, what is this? People really watch this show?

Ooli: Yes. Well, I was just like this normal Icelandinc girl. But then tit popped out during Prince Phillip funeral. So, now they gave me show. Lucky, it was my good tit. So, tell me about your movie “Nomad Land”.

Frances: Well, you know, it’s a look at how the great recession impacted the American dream.

Ooli: Oh, wow. That sound boring. Okay, time for a quick hat. [Ooli wears a red hat] Is my hat funny?

Barn: [laughing alone] Ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah! Frances?

Frances: Uh, yeah, sure.

Ooli: And now, a very quick word from our sponsor, Barn?

Barn: Well, the Ooli show is sponsored by “Cousin Checker” app. How many times have you found out too late that your lover is your cousin? In Iceland, it happens a lot. Cousin Checker tells you if you’re cousins before you get passed second base. Download now.

Ooli: Okay, Ragnorok, you keep waving your arms. Don’t ask me to be your girlfriend again.

Ragnorok: No, I promise.

Ooli: Okay good, go ahead.

Ragnorok: Be my girlfriend. I have a little bit of money but lots of goats and ponies.

Ooli: Okay. I love ponies. They’re very, very cute. But still, a hard no. Okay. Let’s bring out our next guest. Give a big hand to our American movie guest, Steve Buscemi.

[Steve walks in. Barn and Ooli are dancing]

Frances: Yes. So, since he’s here, can I leave? Because I would love to leave.

Ooli: No way. You have to stay the whole time. So, Steve Cemi, you seem like a cool American guy like Bart Simpson. Bad boy Bart Simpson kind of guy, yes?

Barn: Yeah. Like, American kind of Scooby Doo kind of guy. Roller Coaster Pizza Pie guy.

Steve: Thanks.

Ooli: You have a new movie coming out?

Steve: No, I don’t.

Barn: Wow, so cool. Okay, Ragnorok, what now?

Ragnorok: Ooli, I think of all the good times we could have, eating fermented calk in the nude.

Ooli: Okay, Ragnorok, stop. Cousin Check told us we were cousins.

Ragnorok: Exactly. We have so much in common.

Ooli: Ha-ha. Awkward. Now, we have one more special surprise. It’s a little baby song. Please welcome Iceland’s most and only famous musician, BJork!

[Cut to BJork] [music playing]

BJork: This song is about tiny, tiny bird.

[singing badly] Hi, little tiny bird
with a giant heart

Thank you.

Ooli: Wow. Beautiful. After the break, with more Steve and Frances.

Frances: Oh, I still can’t leave?

Ooli: No. No way. Stick around for more Ooli show. Bye bye.


Interrogation Room

Barn… Venessa Bayer

Mr. Lanly… Taran Killam

Dunwudy… Dwayne Johnson

[Starts with a guy in a interrogation room.]

Barn: Mr. Lanly. I am agent Barn. This is agent Dunwudy. So, we’ve certainly been busy haven’t we?

Mr. Lanly: I want my lawyer.

Barn: We’ll get to that.

Mr. Lanly: Where is my lawyer?

Dunwudy: Cool out, hot ball!

[Cut to Barn]

Barn: First, let me just review your organization’s accomplishments. Drug trafficking, illegal arms dealing. Should I keep reading?

[Cut to Mr. Lanly]

Mr. Lanly: I don’t know anything.

[Cut to Mr. Lanly and Dunwudy]

Dunwudy: That is a lie so big that it could fit in a box that could hold a million hats.

[Cut to all three]

Barn: Now, as fascinating as you are Mr. Lanly, we’re far more interested in your boss Eddie Coldoron.

Mr. Lanly: Never heard of the guy.

Dunwudy: Oh, you wanna play games? Go, ride ahead because we’re not going anywhere. And I have to pee right now but I can hold it all day. All day. One time I held it through an entire production of Rent with the original cast.

Barn: Can you just– You can either continue to cooperate or continue to play dumb. I suggest you choose the former.

[Cut to Mr. Lanly]

Mr. Lanly: Or how about you give me a kiss with those pretty red lips.

[Cut to all three]

Dunwudy: She would never kiss you. No! Because she’s dating a guy named Jeff. And he’s the best.

Barn: Mr. Lanly, you are in no position to play games.

Mr. Lanly: I’m not playing games. I’m an innocent man.

Dunwudy: Hey! Darthy! Do you really expect us to just stand here and follow your big lies?

Mr. Lanly: Look, I’d like some water, please.

Dunwudy: Does this look like your gorgeous cheesecake factory to you?

Mr. Lanly: No, it looks like an interrogation room. So, where’s my water?

Dunwudy: Your water’s in the garbage can which is also where your house is.

Mr. Lanly: Excuse me?

[Cut to Barn]

Barn: Your employer, Mr. Linly. Help us get Coldoron and we may just be able to make something work out for you.

[Cut to all three]

Mr. Lanly: You know, wearing that blouse, I can kind of see down your shirt.

Dunwudy: Hey! Idiot! Idiot! She has a boyfriend Jeff, remember? And Jeff is the coolest! And his house is awesome and his snacks are the best. Okay? You would never get invited to Jeff’s. Not now, not ever. Don’t even think about asking.

Mr. Lanly: Why so much Jeff stuff?

Barn: Okay. [Cut to Barn] Well, we have you associate in the next room and he seems very interested in selling you out to protect himself. So, we’ll go pay him a little visit.

[Barn stands]

Dunwudy: Barn, just let me have a minute.

[Dunwudy sits on the chair]

Barn: Okay, I just think–

Dunwudy: No. Just trust me. Just trust me. Trust me! Hey there Looney Tune.

Mr. Lanly: How am I a Looney Tune?

Dunwudy: Said the biggest Looney Tune I’ve ever seen.

Mr. Lanly: Okay.

[Cut to Dunwudy]

Dunwudy: Look at you, man! You’re just sitting there in handcuffs. So, no one told you that you’re life was gonna be this way! And now your job’s a joke and you’re broke and your love life’s DOA! It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear.

[Cut to all three]

Mr. Lanly: Yeah, that’s clearly the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. theme song.

Dunwudy: Friends, it’s friends, which is what you and Jeff will never be.

[Cut to Mr. Lanly]

Mr. Lanly: Okay, you know what? Enough about Jeff. I’ll talk but I want full immunity and I only talk to her, not this guy.

[Cut to all three]

Barn: Okay, I think we can make that work.

Dunwudy: Yeah, great! Great! Coz I’m gonna grab a tape recorder, okay? So, you just sit there and you watch your new favorite TV show called The Wall.

Mr. Lanly: Alright, seriously. Quit while you’re ahead.

Dunwudy: Yeah, yeah! I know, okay? Coz, I’ll be there for you. Alright?

[cheers and applause]