Cecily Strong
Brad Dunn… Taran Killam
Ronda Rousey
Jay Pharoah
Drew Mackenzie… Pete Davidson
Kenan Thompson
Barry Peele… Beck Bennett
Alan Smickel… Bobby Moynihan
Jacob Schultz… Jon Rudnitsky
Leslie Jones
Male voice: We now return to the Screen Guild Awards.
[Cut to Cecily]Cecily: And now, the award for the best actor. There were so many great performances this year. It’s a shame we couldn’t nominate more. But I think we can all agree these were the best of the best. For ‘Punching Upward’ [Cut to Brad] as a boxing coach who wouldn’t give up on his pupil, Brad Dunn.
[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Punching Upward’]Brad: So that’s it, huh? You’re just gonna quit?
Jay: Man, I don’t know why I’m doing this anyway. I’ll never beat Ruiz.
Brad: Ay! Screw Ruiz. You know who you gotta beat? Him! [showing the mirror] That guy right there. That’s the toughest opponent you’ll ever face in the world.
[Cut to Brad and Drew] [Cut to Cecily]Cecily: For ‘Shut Em Down’, a rockest look at rough and tumble 80s rap group Public Disaster, [Cut to Drew] in the role of Little Q, Drew Mackenzie.
[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Shut Em Down’]Kenan: Man, they’ve been tryna’ shut us down from day one. Speak a little truth, and they tryna’ to take you out. But if anybody wants to leave, there’s the door. So who’s staying?
[Drew walks in]Drew: Yeah, guys! Who’s staying? I know I am.
[Cut to Drew waving at the camera. Kenan is behind him looking angry.] [Cut to Cecily]Cecily: For ‘Thurgood’, the story of the first black supreme court justice Thurgood Marshall, [Cut to Barry] playing the role of Dave, Barry Peele.
[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Thurgood’.]Sasheer: I can’t wait forever Marshall. Do you love me? Or your books?
Marshall: Viv, if I’m gonna make it as a lawyer, I got to work 10 times as hard as these white folks. It’s the only way it’s gonna work.
[Barry walks in]Barry: Hey guys, we close in five minutes.
Marshall: Thanks Dave.
[Barry walks away] [Cut to Barry waving at the camera. The actor who played Marshall is behind him looking angry.] [Cut to Cecily]Cecily: For ‘All the Beasts of Heaven’, the story of African child soldiers and the ruthless warlord who led them, [Cut to Alan] for his role of white man with camera, Alan Smickel.
[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘All the Beasts of Heaven’.]Jay: You will eat when I say. You will sleep when I say. You will kill when I say.
[Alan walks in with a camera in. Jay cannot see him so Alan just turns around and walks away.]When we fight, we will eat the beating hearts.
[Cut to Alan smiling and looking at the camera. Jay is sitting beside him looking funnily. Alan gives him hand for a high-five but Jay ignores him.] [Cut to Cecily]Cecily: Finally, for ‘Red Line’, the story of discriminatory housing practices between African Americans in Chicago, [Cut to Jacob] for his role as unseen voice on phone, Jacob Schultz.
[Cut to a clip from the movie ‘Red Line’.]Leslie: [on the phone][sobbing] You white people think you can take anything you want. Well, this is my house and it’s not right.
Jacob: Okay. I’ll give him the message.
[Cut to Jacob smiling at the camera.] [Cut to Leslie looking angry] [Cut to Cecily]Cecily: And the best actor is…[Cecily opens the card] Oh! Oh my god, I knew it. It’s five way tie. All the white guys!
[All the white guys walk to the stage happily]Alan: Whoo! We did it!
[The End]