Tag: Becca

Joker Wedding

Patch… Jack Harlow

Dooney… Heidi Gardner

Pastor… James Austin Johnson

Clint… Andrew Dismukes

Becca… Chloe Fineman

Uncle Tag… Mikey Day

Grandma Judy… Sarah Sherman

Jeff Probst

Patch: And Dooney, no matter come hell or high water. I’m gonna love you till I got no more love to give, I swear that to you.

Dooney: Whatever.

Pastor: That was beautiful patch. Now if anyone here has reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Dooney: Yeah, got a reason.

Patch: Babe, what are you doing?

Dooney: Just saying I don’t know. I feel like marrying you no more on account of your best man came to our wedding dress like Joker.

[The best man is dressed up as Joker with make up and everything]

Clint: Y’all don’t like me dressed like Joker?

Dooney: No, Clint, I don’t like it. I know we’re getting married on Halloween night, but I don’t like it being dressed like Joker.

Clint: You’re getting married on Halloween night. I thought I could dress like Joker.

Patch: Clint, I told you multiple times, we wasn’t doing costumes at the wedding.

Clint: Yeah, but I told you I was gonna dress like Joker.

Patch: I know, but I said not to.

Clint: But I said I was gonna dress like Joker.

Patch: I know. But when you said you were gonna do that, I said do not do that.

Clint: Yeah, but I told you I was gonna dress like Joker.

Dooney: You ruined my wedding, Clint.

Clint: I ruined your whole wedding just because I’m dressed like Joker?

Dooney: Yes, Clint. When I was a little baby girl dreaming about my wedding, my husband’s best man wasn’t dressed like Joker.

Clint: I didn’t want to ruin your wedding, Dooney. I just want to dress like Joker.

Patch: Dooney, baby. Please, if Clint goes take off the Joker stuff right now, can we please still be bridegroom?

Dooney: Okay, then. If Clint goes stop being Joker, then we can still be bride and groom.

Patch: Yes, thank you baby. Clint, go to the bathroom now, take off all the Joker.

Clint: I won’t change out of Joker.

Patch: Come on, Clint, you’re my best friend. You know I’ve been wanting to marry Dooney ever since I saw her.

Clint: And you know everyone to dress like Joker ever since last Halloween when I saw a guy dressed like Joker. I said next year I’m gonna dress like Joker.

Dooney: But I don’t want you to be Joker no more, Clint.

Clint: Well, I do wanna be Joker, Dooney. I think everybody here should get to vote on if I get to be Joker, if I got to be not be Joker no more.

Patch: Fine. Well vote on it.

Dooney: No, Patch.

Patch: Well, he’s right Dooney. If everybody else wants him still be Joker, he should get to still be Joker.

Dooney: Well then, I guess I don’t want to be bride and groom no more.

Patch: I do want to be bride and groom with you, Dooney, more than anything in this here earth. But we’re getting married on Halloween now. We got to respect that some people go show up dressed like Joker. We lucky we only got one Joker. This place is going to be crawling with Jokers, Dooney.

Pastor: It’s settled then. By the power vested in me by the State of Kentucky, we will now vote on Joker.

Patch: Alright. Cousin Becca, do you think Clint should or should not get to still be Joker?

Becca: Clint, I understand that is Halloween night, and on Halloween night you should get to be Joker.

Clint: Thank you.

Becca: But if Dooney don’t want you to be Joker so much that she won’t marry Patch no more, then my vote is you should not get to be Joker.

Patch: Thank you cousin Becca. Uncle Tag, are you pro Joker or no Joker?

Uncle Tag: Dooney, there is nothing more I want than for you and my little nephew to be bride and groom.

Dooney: Me too, uncle Tag.

Uncle Tag: However, given that it is Halloween night, the one night a year in which everyone is allowed to be Joker, I vote that Clint should continue to be Joker.

Patch: Grandma Judy, it’s down to you. Should Clint or should not Clint continue to be Joker at our wedding?

Grandma Judy: Dooney, you make the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

Dooney: Thank you, Grandma Judy, that’s so sweet.

Grandma Judy: And Clint, you know I never liked you. You are a skunk and an alcoholic. But I’ll be damned if you don’t exactly look like Joker.

Clint: Thank you Grandma Judy. I will cherish that.

Patch: Grandma Judy, have you made your decision?

Grandma Judy: I have.

Patch: Okay, then survivors Jeff Probst, please share the results.

[cheers and applause]

Jeff Probst: Dooney, the tribe has spoken. [pulls out a sheet of paper from a pot] Clint gets to be Joker.

Dooney: No.

Jeff Probst: You need to bring me a torch. Congratulations, Clint, you get to be Joker.

Clint: Whoo! Jeff Probst said I get to be Joker. Let’s go, boy.

Air Plane Performance

Becca… Amy Schumer

Carla… Venessa Bayer

Mark… Taran Killam

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with a clip of DELTA airlines flying]

Becca: Okay folks. [Cut to inside the plane.] We’ve reached our cruising altitude but when seated, we ask that you keep your seat belt fastened. In a moment, we’ll begin our complimentary beverage and snacks service.

Carla: Our recent survey in Delta magazine placed Delta as the third most fun airline and that is something to sing about.

Becca: Hit the jam, DJ.

[music playing]

Carla: [singing] Tell em’ what they want, what they really, really want

Becca: I’ll tell what they want, what they really, really want

Carla: They wanna, they wanna, they wanna, they wanna

Becca: What they really, really, really want is to have a nice flight.

Carla: If you’re feeling hungry, we’ve got great snacks

Becca: If you wanna buy a headset, we’ll be coming right back
So tell em’ what they want, what they really, really want

Carla: I’ll tell what they want, what they really, really want

[As Carla dances while singing, she mistakenly opens the airplane door and gets sucked out.]

[Everybody in the plane are screaming.]

[Mark comes in, screams and goes back.]

[Carla is still hanging by the airplane door]

[Becca pulls Carla in and closes the door]

[Carla is horrified]

Becca: Are you okay? Oh, my god!

Carla: I swallowed so much air.

Becca: Oh, my god. Sit down. Oh, my god.

Carla: I’m fine. I’m fine.

Becca: Carla, you were just outside the plane. What do you need?

Carla: All I need is to finish the announcement song that we worked so hard on in my garage. Folks, as you can see I am fine. So, on with the jam.

[music playing]

So, here’s the story from us to you
to have a great flight, you gotta know your flight crew
you got Becca up front, she’s the best
Mark in the back, [yelling] I was outside the plane.

[Becca takes the microphone from Carla]

Becca: Turn the music off, Mark. Mark!

[music stops]

Carla: I was out there and then I was in the sky. And then I saw myself as a little girl.

[Mark walks in]

Mark: Carla, Carla, are you okay?

Carla: Get away, Mark!

Becca: You did nothing, useless Mark.

Carla: Mark!

Becca: Mark!

Carla: Mark!

[Becca picks up the mic]

Becca: Ladies and gentlemen, Mark did nothing. And also, please do not be afraid of using the forward restroom because of the door. It is secure now. It is locked. [Becca walks to the door] As you can see, you can knock on it. You can lean on it like, “Hello fella, how you’re doing?”

[When Becca leans on the door, it opens and Becca falls off this time.]

Carla: Oh, my god!

[Carla runs to get Becca. Becca is hanging on the door.]

[Mark just comes in, screams and goes back.]

[Carla pushes Becca away on her head and closes the door.]

[Carla picks up the mic]

Carla: Um, I couldn’t pull her, okay? The passengers have to come first. So, you all saw there was nothing I could do.

[Cut to Kenan sitting in the plane. Becca is looking through the window by Kenan’s side.]

Kenan: Ma’am, that woman is right there holding on real hard.

[Cut to Carla]

Carla: Go to the door. Go to the door. Okay folks, everything’s going to be fine. And because it is inconvenience, you can all watch San Andres for free. So, anyway, you guys pretty pumped to go Milwaukee?

[Cut to Becca looking through the door window]

Okay, okay. Here we go. Hold on one sec.

[Carla walks to the door and opens it and pulls Becca in]

[Becca is making noise]

Becca: Carla! Oh, my god, was I out there for a full year?

Carla: I closed the door on you.

Becca: I know. Shut up, Carla. We’ll deal with it later.

Carla: I left you out there.

Becca:

[Mark walks in]

Mark: Ladies, ladies, both of you sit down. Please, please. I’ve got this. Please, both of you.

[Becca and Carla sit down]

Just rest.

[Mark grabs the mic]

Folks, I am so sorry about all of this. What do you say we get this flight back on track? Huh? And speaking of track, hit it.

[music playing]

[singing] I’m giving you everything

[Cut to Becca, Carla and Kenan sitting together. They are loving Mark’s performance.]

all the drinks you need

[The End]