Josh… Mikey Day
Aidy Bryant
Fenster … Kyle Mooney
Cecily Strong
Ted… Beck Bennett
Becca Ashley… Margot Robbie
[Starts with the Hunch Bunch intro]Announcer: You’re watching Nick@Nite, now back to a classic episode of the Hunch Bunch.
[The characters get into a room. It looks like a haunted house.]Josh: Okay, the coast is clear.
Aidy: Ew, cobwebs. I hate spiders.
Fenster: You’re worried about the cobwebs? Did you forget about the monster?
Cecily: Stop chitchatting and look for clues, you two.
Ted: Just once, I’d like to solve a mystery in a place that isn’t spooky.
Josh: We can do it Hunch Bunch. We just have to use our heads.
Becca Ashley: Can I just say? This is so much fun. I have been bugging Ted for doing mystery for weeks.
Cecily: No problem, Becca Ashley. We’re gonna need all the help we can get.
Fenster: Well, like, no clue’s here. We can go now. Who’s hungry?
[Fenster walks away]Aidy: You’re such a fraidy cat, Fenster.
[Everyone laughs]Becca Ashley: Yeah, you lame ass pussy.
Ted: Babe, don’t say that!
Becca Ashley: What? I was just joining in teasing.
Ted: Yeah, but like, you don’t know these guys that well yet. You know, just pump the brakes.
Josh: Well, lookie here. If there’s a real monster hunting this castle, [Josh finds a monster mask] then what’s this?
Becca Ashley: Oh! The monster’s face.
Josh: Well, sort of Becca Ashley. It’s a mask. Which means…
Becca Ashley: The monster made a mask of his own face.
Josh: Good guess but I have a hunch there is no monster.
Cecily: So that means the monster…
Everybody: Is ground’s keeper Cogin.
Becca Ashley: [not following] Mask of his own face!
Ted: Babe!
Aidy: It all adds up. Grounds keeper Cogin just wants the castle all to himself.
Ted: And what better way to scare off visitors then dressing up as a spooky monster.
Fenster: But wait. If grounds keeper Cogin’s the monster, like, how did he get from here to the dining room so fast?
Josh: There must be some sort–
Becca Ashley: [interrupting] He had a bike.
Aidy: Ted, can you…
Ted: Yeah. Babe, let’s just listen for a while, okay? You know, it’s actually super interesting how it all gets solved.
Josh: I know how grounds keeper Cogin got across the house so fast. He had some sort of…
[Josh pulls a book off the shelf and it opens a secret path.]… shortcut.
Becca Ashley: What? Josh broke the bookshelf. What an idiot!
Josh: Ha-ha. I didn’t break the bookshelf. That’s a secret passage way.
Becca Ashley: Why?
Josh: What do you mean why? Because that’s what it is. It’s simply a secret passage way. Look, Becca Ashley, I want to include you because I like Ted and you’re very positive, but please, stop challenging everything say.
Becca Ashley: Yeah, but you broke it.
Josh: Okay.
[footsteps sound]Fenster: Shh, like I hear someone coming.
Becca Ashley: Ew, who would have sex in this filthy old castle?
Josh: What? Ew, no. No!
Fenster: Like, everyone, hide!
[everyone hides] [Grounds Keeper Cogin walks in]Cogin: Now, where did I leave my mask?
[Becca Ashley stand and shoots at Grounds Keeper Cogin three times at his back.]Josh: No!
Ted: Babe, what the hell is wrong with you?
Cecily: You brought a gun?
Aidy: You shot grounds keeper Cogin.
Becca Ashley: No, because he’s the monster.
Josh: I don’t even think he technically broke any laws.
Fenster: We have to help him. He’s still alive.
Becca Ashley: No way! I’m not going back to jail.
[Becca Ashley cocks the gun]Everybody: No.
[Cut to video bumper]Announcer: The Hunch Bunch [gun shot sound] will be right back.