Weekend Update Beck Bennett the Singer

Colin Jost

Beck Bennett

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well, we have a lot of pop stars perform here on SNL. But it turns out– [laughing] That’s the weirdest transition. Just a piggyback on the Chicago stuff. We have a lot of pop stars perform on SNL. Well it turns out, we might have an emerging pop star right here in our cast. Here to explain is Beck Bennett.

[Beck Bennett slides in.]

Beck Bennett: Hey, Colin. Hey audience. I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

Colin Jost: Yeah. Back, great hair, by the way.

Beck Bennett: Oh, yeah, this? I guess it’s just kind of how it naturally falls. It’s just being me.

Colin Jost: Yeah, doesn’t seem like it. Beck, what is going on with your music career?

[cut to Colin Jost]

Beck Bennett: Um, well, in a word Colin, it’s exploding.

Colin Jost: Wow.

Beck Bennett: People don’t know this but music’s always been a huge part of my life. And I’ve always like, listened to the radio. And I love songs.

[Cut to Beck Bennett and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Great. So, you’re like a classically trained singer? Or–

Beck Bennett: Um, I’m not classically trained per say. I just do original chart topping music that people fall in love with.

Colin Jost: Okay, great. So, do you wanna maybe try out one of your songs right now?

Beck Bennett: Um, okay. [Cut to Beck Bennett] [singing] Everybody’s on the prowl
everybody’s gotta get that something, something
money, money, money, money, money
Yeah!

Thank you.

[audience cheering]

Colin Jost: [to audience] No, don’t. Don’t.

Beck Bennett: That song was about the economy and money.

Colin Jost: Yes. You said money like 10 times.

Beck Bennett: I have another one.

Colin Jost: Oh, great. I was gonna say thanks for coming. But sure, yeah, that’s great. If you got another one, let’s–

Beck Bennett: Okay. Um, just fair warning. It’s really tender.

[Cut to Beck Bennett] [singing] Honestly we’re here before
and honestly I’ve seen you there
and honestly we’ve been down this road

[audience cheering] [Cut to Beck Bennett and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Yeah. I’m sorry. That was the whole song?

Beck Bennett: Oh, yeah. I do little songs, Colin. [Cut to Beck Bennett] A lot of singers with do eight to 10 songs in an album. Not me. I’ll do anywhere from 300 to 600 songs. Yeah, I am an absolute machine.

Colin Jost: Yeah, that’s too many songs.

Beck Bennett: I’m always producing.

Colin Jost: Yeah. No, maybe slow it down. Now, why don’t you just maybe do one more song. A little song.

Beck Bennett: Sure, yeah. [Cut to Beck Bennett] [singing] The pin goes in, the pin goes out
I’m trying to make a blanket
the pin goes in the pin goes out
I’m sewing something new

[Cut to Beck Bennett and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Alright. Yeah. That could be good.

[Cut to Beck Bennett]

Beck Bennett: [singing] Maybe it’s a hat or gloves
maybe it’s a brand-new coat
maybe it’s a little stuffed animal

[Cut to Beck Bennett and Colin Jost] [audience cheering]

Yeah, that song ended up being about stuffed animal.

Colin Jost: [laughing] Wow, thanks man.

Beck Bennett: Yeah. It’s really–

Colin Jost: Thanks for walking us through that. Now look, Beck, there’s no easy way for me to say this.\

Beck Bennett: Uh-huh, great.

Colin Jost: Obviously I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

Beck Bennett: Good news alert. Ha-ha-ha.

Colin Jost: I just think that maybe after listening to your music–

Beck Bennett: [interrupting] I should quit comedy and do music full time? Great! Coz I already did it.

[singing] Everybody is on the prowl
money, money, money, money, money

Colin Jost: Beck Bennet, everyone. Musician.

Beck Bennett: Use my songs in Marvel movies, please.

Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.

Mermaids

Taran Killam

Corel…Ariana Grande

Oceana… Cecily Strong

Bobby Moynihan

Smith… Beck Bennet

Shud… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with a clip of a book ‘True Tales From The Sea’]

Male voice: True Tales From The Sea. By fishing boat captain, Deacon Pritchard, 1906.  [The book opens] Caught in a storm, my crew and I were flown overboard, sent to a watery grave. But the next morning, we woke on our boat deck. The circumstances of our rescue, not to be believed.

[Cut to three men waking up]

Taran: I am alive. But who plucked from the sea?

[Corel comes out. She’s a mermaid.]

Corel: I did.

Taran: My god!

[Oceana appears next to Bobby]

Oceana: And I saved you.

Bobby: Can’t be.

[Cut to Smith]

Smith: And who is my enchanting rescuer?

[Shud comes out. She looks really ugly.]

Shud: Me, man.

Smith: Oh my god, what is that?

Shud: I’m a mermaid, man!

[Cut to Oceana and Bobby]

Oceana: I am Oceana.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Corel: And I am Corel

[Cut to Smith and Shud]

Shud: My name is Shud.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Taran: It’s just like in the story books. Half woman, half fish.

Corel: Blue fish to be exact.

[Cut to Oceana and Bobby]

Oceana: I am part Marlin.

[Cut to Smith and Shud]

Shud: Me? I’m working with about 35% woman, 65% blab fish.

Smith: Oh, god! What are blab fish?

Shud: We live on the sea floor deep in the Mariana Trench. Made only of jellyton, hence my sleek sheen. And here’s a picture of my mom for reference.

[Shud shows Smith a picture of an ugly fish]

Gorgeous. That was her on her wedding day. I have her looks, thank god.

Smith: My mermaid blows.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Taran: Now, I believe in love at first sight for you are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes upon, Corel.

[Cut to Oceana and Bobby]

Bobby: My sweet Oceana, you’ve captured my heart with a mere flutter of your eyelash.

[Cut to Smith and Shud]

Shud: I’m waiting.

Smith: Ah, you’re so big, Shud.

Shud: Oh, thanks man. Excuse me, I need to take a breath.

[Shud makes weird exhaling noises]

Nailed it. Thank you.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Taran: Ah! Sweet ocean maidens, I would do anything for you to walk with us upon the land.

Corel: There is a way. All it takes is a kiss.

Taran: Yes. Yes, of course.

[Cut to Oceana and Bobby]

Bobby: It would be an honor.

[Cut to Smith and Shud]

Smith: Can I just give her cash?

[Cut to Oceana and Bobby]

Oceana: Now my sisters, let’s recite the enchanted spell. If a mermaid kisses a human male, a pair of legs shall replace her tail.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Corel: And once she walks on land above, she will find her one true love.

[Cut to Smith and Shud]

Shud: A blab fish has two mouths. One for breathing and one for food absorption. The human male should kiss the food mouth which consist of the whole face in front ass.

Smith: Can I give a hug, or like a high-five? This chick takes dumbs out of her mouth.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Corel: We are sea sisters. Therefore, all of us must receive a kiss for the spell to work.

Taran: You kiss her Smith. That’s an order.

[Cut to Oceana and Bobby]

Bobby: Yeah, just kiss your blab fish, Smith!

[Bobby kisses Oceana and Oceana starts singing] [Cut to Taran and Corel. Taran kisses Corel and Corel starts singing.] [Cut to Smith and Shud]

Shud: Open wider!

[Smith and Shud kiss. Shud stats singing the Lion King chant.]

That was hot.

[Cut to Oceana and Bobby]

Oceana: When we reach shore, our transformation will be complete.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Corel: We are your’s forever.

[Cut to Smith and Shud]

Shud: Blab fish lives about a 175 years, FYI.

[Cut to Taran and Corel]

Taran: We shall marry this evening. Set a coarse for the shore.

[Cut to everybody]

Corel: We’ll see you there.

[Corel and Oceana gets back to the water]

Shud: Mating wise, usually a male attaches to my body and I absorb his gonet. And then his body fuses to my sheen. But we’ll figure something out.

Smith: Wow, it’s so nice for you to help work out a way that my nut will melt off.

Shud: I’ll see you soon baby.

[Shud fats]

Hey, are you looking down my shirt?

Smith: Ew, no!

[Cut to the book closes]