Big Jim… Niall Horan[Starts with a clip of Radisson hotel]
Chris: Honey, come on. The coast is clear.[Cut to Chris and Ego in a indoor pool]
Ego: Oh, my gosh! This is so crazy. The sign says it’s after hours for the hot tub
Chris: Yeah, well. It also says you can’t go in if you’ve had diarrhea in the past two weeks.
Ego: What are you implying, mister?
Chris: You know you did. Now, get in here rule breaker.
Ego: Okay, you are going to get us kicked out of the Radisson select.[unknown laughter]
Ego: Honey what is that?[Two women’s spirit appear]
Cecily: Hi, y’all.
Chris: Are you spirits?[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]
Cecily: Oh, you mean like ghosts? Yeah.
Scarlett: Yeah, go ahead. Put your hand through my face.[Cut to everybody. Ego tries tries to touch Scarlett]
Scarlett: Ah! I’m kidding.[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Ego: Honey, I bet they’re gonna teach us some kind of Christmas lesson.
Chris: Yeah, like show us the error of our ways.
Ego: Like that classic Christmas story.
Chris: Oh yeah, what was it? Like the Muppet Christmas carol?[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]
Cecily: Oh gosh. I wish. I love Muppets.
Scarlett: No, we’re just two dead strippers that get to haunt this hot tub every Christmas.[Cut to everybody]
Ego: You’re strippers?
Scarlett: We were.
Cecily: We’re dead now.
Scarlett: Yeah. We worked at Big Jim’s Jug, Rug and Tug Join across the street from the family chicken restaurant.[cut to Chris and Ego]
Ego: So, how did you two pass?
Ego: Honey, that’s rude.[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]
Scarlett: No, it’s okay. There’s a song about it.[music playing]
It was Christmas at the strip club
Cecily: Back in Chris97Cecily
Both: Big Jim closed up early
so we could trim the stripper tree
Scarlett: We gathered all our pasties
and set them on each limb
Both: Then big Jim made his annual joke
about getting Christmas trim
Cecily: We took our Christmas Quaaludes
Scarlett: having fun just hanging round
Both: we said is it safe to swim on qualudes
there is only one way to find out[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Chris: Oh, it’s starting to sound like they did something dumb.[Cut to Cecily and Scarlett]
Scarlett: So, we sneaked into this hot tub
Cecily: On this crystal Christmas night
Both: We said let’s do something funny
and have chicken fight
Cecily: I got on the bottom
Scarlett: And I got on the top.[Spirit of Niall Horan appears]
Bim Jim: And I got up on both of them
while they both just shouted stop.[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Ego: Who are you?
Bim Jim: I’m big Jim.[Cut to everybody]
Scarlett: No, no. It’s a funny name.
Cecily: Yeah, like when you call a big fat guys, Tiny.
Ego: Okay, so you’re dead too?
Bim Jim: I don’t mind it. It’s in the song.
Scarlett: Yeah, let’s get back to it.[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]
Bim Jim: So, I sat on top of the chicken
but it felt like something was wrong
Then I noticed the girls went under
but they were down there far too long
Both: So we popped out of the water
to play a joke on Jim
All: But our forehead hit Jim’s forehead
and we all sunk down again
then we had a staring contest
underneath the hot tub foam
but we swallowed too much water
and now this hot tub is our forever home
Cecily: Did you get what happened in the song?
Scarlett: We drowned in.[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Chris: So the three of you drowned having staring contest?[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]
Scarlett: Yeah. I guess so. We was just having a good time.
Cecily: That’s the meaning of friendship.
Bim Jim: And hey, isn’t friendship what Christmas is all about?
Scarlett: Hey, don’t y’all ever forget that.[The clock bell rings]
Well, it’s almost midnight.[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Chris: What happens then?[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]
Cecily: Then it’s Christmas and we go back to hell.
Scarlett: Yeah, we only get the one night. Anyway, before we go—
so here’s out Christmas lesson
the afterlife is long
but we all have to go so why not go with friends
and you’ll never be alone[song ends]
Scarlett: Oh! And one more thing. That diarrhea you’re having right now, it’s because you’re pregnant.[Cut to Chris and Ego]
Ego: Oh, honey.
Chris: You’re having diarrhea right now?
Ego: Yes, but we’re going to have a baby.[Cut to Cecily, Scarlett and Bim Jim]
Cecily: Congratulations.[Cut to everybody]
All: Merry Christmas. Bye.
Ego: Oh! I guess they taught us something after all.
Chris: Did they?
Ego: We found out I’m pregnant.
Chris: I would like to get a real doctor to establish that, but hey, get over here. Merry Christmas. I love you.
Ego: I love you, too.