Weekend Update Leslie Jones about Black History

Colin Jost

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

 Colin Jost: The movie ‘Hidden Figures’ which tells the true story of black female engineers in 1960s NAS is being called this year’s breakout film. Here to talk about it is Leslie Jones.

[Leslie Jones slides in]

[cheers and applause]

 Leslie Jones: Woo! Thank you. Thank you, Colin.

 Colin Jost: It’s nice to see you, Leslie. So, you saw ‘Hidden Figures’?

 Leslie Jones: Yes, I did. And I have to admit that I almost didn’t watch it. I thought it was going to be ‘The Help’ in space.

 Colin Jost: Yeah. You konw, it’s not ‘The Help’ in space.

 Leslie Jones: I know it’s not, you creamy slice of provolone cheese.

 Colin Jost: Provolone cheese?

 Leslie Jones: [getting serious] I like cheese! [Colin Jost stays quiet] [Cut to Leslie Jones] But I am so glad I watched the movie. It taught me something I never knew. Black women helped astronauts go to space. Why didn’t they teach me that in school? Okay? If I had known that as a kid, who knows where I would be?

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

 Colin Jost: So you think you might have gone to space?

 Leslie Jones: Hell no. It’s cold and scary up there. Space is where the predator comes from. [Cut to Leslie Jones] But here’s my issue. We cram all of the black history into just one month. All we have time for is George Washington Carver and all his peanut stuff. We should learn all black history, all through the year around and each it to everybody. Like, did y’all know a black man invented the traffic light? I just learned that. Maybe I would have respected the traffic light more if I knew those signals was coming from a brother, you know? If I knew the red light was saying ‘stop, sister’, or yellow light was saying, ‘slow down, baby’, or the green was like, ‘push through, boo.’ And get this, a black person invented the mailbox. Now, how did y’all miss that one, white people? Didn’t you see letters laying on the ground and just didn’t think, “There’s got to be a better way.” We more than this peanut stuff.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

Now let me blow your mind. You ready for me to blow your mind?

 Colin Jost: Yeah. Sure. Yeah, go ahead.

 Leslie Jones: The lone ranger was black. The lone ranger, Colin! [Cut to Leslie Jones] Now, you know how I found out he was black, right? By watching my favorite show ‘Timeless’ on NBC, Monday nights at 10 PM.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

 Colin Jost: Yeah. NBC is not gonna pay you more to–

 Leslie Jones: Shut up.

 Colin Jost: Okay.

[audience laughing]

Just time wasn’t that accurate.

 Leslie Jones: Shut up.

 Colin Jost: Okay, yeah. That’s fine.

 Leslie Jones: Guess what else a black person invented? Caller ID and call waiting.

 Colin Jost: Really?

[Cut to Leslie Jones]

 Leslie Jones: Yes! It was invented by Dr. Shirley Jackson. Somebody should have called Shirley back coz that bitch invented a way to make you call her back. She wasn’t even in tech. she was just a chick who wanted Charles to pick up the phone.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

 Colin Jost: I’m sorry. Who is Charles?

 Leslie Jones: Charles knows who he is. [Michael Che and Colin Jost laughing] [Cut to Leslie Jones] Look, you never know what’s going to spark something in a person. The first time I heard Richard Pryor’s voice, I knew I would be a comedian. That’s why you gotta tell everybody’s story. And listen, Hollywood, if you write the Leslie Jones story, don’t lone ranger me and cast me as some pretty little white girl. Cast me the way I see myself, Pam Greer about 15 years ago or Malia Obama 10 years from now. That’s what I want.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

 Colin Jost: Leslie Jones, everyone!

[Cut to Michael Che]

Michael Che: So that was about ‘Hidden Figures, right?

[Colin Jost and Leslie Jones laughing out loud]