Brianna… Cecily Strong
Coleen… Saoirse Ronan
Alex Moffat
Kate McKinnon
Captain… Kyle Mooney
Maiv… Aidy Bryant
[Starts with Brianna speaking on airplane’s speaker]Brianna: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard to flight 192 from Dublin to Cork, making connections to New York city. Now, before we’re in the air, we want to go over some safety features on Air Lingus.
Coleen: Yes. But even before that, we know what Air Lingus sounds like.
Brianna: Yes. We can’t go through a flight without someone making an Air Lingus comment.
Coleen: You know, about the word that sounds like, nothing any more about it.
Brianna: And to the word we’re talking about, it sort of rhymes with Ronan and it’s about female bits and what she can do to em’. But we’re not saying anymore about it.
Coleen: It’s low hanging fruit, literally. And that is definitely the last we are saying about that.
Brianna: And the word was conalingus.
Alex: How long do you reckon we’ll be on the runway? What’s the delay then?
Brianna: I heard it was a dog.
Coleen: Oh, here’s the lady with the orange sticks now. maybe she has more information.
[Kate walks in.]Kate: Folks, we’ve got a dog on the runway. It’s got sad eyes. So, we’re gonna have to wait. We’re going to let dog choose when he’s ready to move. It’s his will. It’s his story. Not ours. Do you understand?
[Kate walks out]Coleen: Good then, right. Let’s do our safety presentation. Do all of you have your pamphlets? If so, just pull them out now.
Brianna: Okay, number one. Mind your children please.
Coleen: Yes. They need to be underneath your seat at all times.
Brianna: And toddlers need to be stored neatly in the overhead for the entirety of the flight.
Coleen: Whose dog is this? [pointing at a dog] Come here. [Coleen carries a dog] Whose dog are you?
Brianna: Oh! That’s the captain’s dog. [banging cockpit door] Captain. Panky’s out here.
Captain: What’s that?
Coleen: It’s Panky, your dog. He’s out here.
[Captain opens the door]Captain: Panky, you’re a bad boy, aren’t ya? Ha-ha-ha. Thank you.
[Captain walks inside the cockpit with his dog]Brianna: Sorry. Folks, that was our captain Piwi Riley. That’s his nickname.
Coleen: Yes. Because something on his body is giant and he’s ashamed of it. And that’s all we’re going to say about it.
Brianna: And that part of his body is his penis.
Coleen: Okay. So, now that you’ve met our captain, let us introduce ourselves. I’m Coleen.
Brianna: And I’m Brianna. In the back we have Maiv, and now she’s going to tell us a bit about the menu.
[Maiv walks in]Maiv: We’ve got fingerling potatoes. We’ve got purple potatoes. And we got salmon. I’m sorry, I misread that. The salmon is also potato. Thank you.
[Maiv walks out]Brianna: Okay, Maiv, get back to the back now.
[Cut to Kenan. He is holding a dog.]Kenan: Um, excuse me. Will I make my connection to New York city? And also, here’s a strange dog that has jumped into my lap.
Brianna: And is he bothering you, sir?
Kenan: Not really. He’s kind of sweet.
Coleen: Aw, it sounds like you made a new friend.
Kenan: Yeah. So, am I to make that connection to New York? Or–
Brianna: You know what? Here comes the lady with orange sticks.
[Kate walks in with a dog]Kate: Alright, the dog on the runway was the captain’s dog. I knew it was him by his soul and the information on his tags.
Coleen: Oh, that’s Mupes. Isn’t it?
Brianna: Oh, what a funny coincident? It was the Mupes, the captain’s dog on the runway. [banging cockpit door] Captain, Mupes back. Guess he was at the runway.
Captain: Who?
Coleen: Mupes, your dog.
[Captain opens the door]Captain: Mupes? Wow!
Brianna: He was on the runway.
[many dogs run out of the cockpit door]Captain: Oh! Oh my dogs! Did you see that? Oh my god! Did you see them run out?
Brianna: I will send them in now.
Coleen: Folks, as you can see, the captain’s dogs have run out of the cockpit.
Brianna: Folks, it’d be a great deal of help if you can grab a dog by the passage. We can just load them back into the cockpit.
Coleen: Oh look. Maiv’s got her fit loud.