Brother 2 Brother: Wrestling Match

Matty… Chris Hemsworth

Mark… Taran Killam

Coach… Beck Bennett

Kyle Mooney

Pete Davidson

Jon Rudnitsky

[Starts with Disney Channel intro]

Female voice: You’re watching Disney Channel. [A girl and a gold fish as her dad appears] Later, Trish flushes her dad down the toilet on the season finale of My Dad, The Fish. But first, it’s time for a brand new episode of ‘Brother 2 Brother’.

[Brother 2 brother intro]

Intro song: It’s Brother 2 Brother
who are there for each other
in every possible way-ay-ay
through thick and through thin
Akalama twin
to help you get through the day-ey
Okay!

[Cut to Matty and Marky in school. They are wearing identical clothes and have same blonde hair.]

Matty: Mark, there you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.

Marky: What’s going on, Matty? Everything, a-okay?

Matty: No, everything’s F-not okay. I have the big wrestling meet tonight and I’m nervous I’m gonna beef it.

Marky: But you’re the best wrestler in this state.

Matty: And the biggest worry word.

Matty and Marky: Oh, brothers!

Matty: I have an idea. Let’s switch places. You wrestle for me and in exchange I’ll do your chores for a whole week.

Marky: Um, even the dishes?

Matty: Of course!

Marky: Even giving daddy his massage?

Matty: I promise.

Marky: Then it’s a deal.

Matty and Marky: A twin deal.

[Cut to the wrestling coach giving prep talk to the wrestlers]

Coach: Alright team, focus up. The big wrestling meet is today and everything’s on the line. So, remember what I taught you. Don’t let them pin you, you’ve gotta pin them. Hey, wait! Where’s our star wrestler Matty?

[Marky runs in on wrestling outfit]

Marky: Here I am coach. I’m here ready to wrestle and win, coz I’m Matty, your star wrestler Matty. That’s me. [winks]

Coach: You’re not Matty. You’re Marky. Matty is like, may bigger and has way more muscles. And I wanna say he’s not as pale. Plus he has that hard deep ravine thing between his packs. You know, when you’re packs are so huge, you get that ravine. You don’t really have that. You just sort of have like hairy flatness up here.

[Marky is feeling embarrassed]

Marky: Well, looks like the jig is up.

Coach: Plus your arms are sort of hanging to your sides like that. Matty’s arms are much bigger and they’re pushed out coz of all muscles he has like, right here. [showing the back] You don’t really have muscles here. You just have like, soft clumps of skin.

Marky: Oh-oh! Looks like the jig–

Coach: Also, when Matty sweats [Marky looks very embarrassed] he gets like, be the sweat. It just sort of rolls slowly down his stomach. But I think your stomach just sort of gets wet in circle.

Marky: Yeah, I know.

[Cut to Kyle in the wrestling squad raising his hand]

Kyle: Coach! I have one.

Coach: Yea, great, go ahead Tommy.

Kyle: Ya, I noticed in the shower that Marky, you have like a thick coat of hair on your feet and Matty doesn’t have that.

[Cut to Marky and Coach]

Coach: You’re right. Good call. Matty’s feet are great. They actually look more like hands in your hand zoo.

Marky: No, that’s specific, coach. I guess–

[Cut to Pete in the wrestling squad raising his hand]

Pete: Also, Matty has a bigger and more muscular butt.

[Cut to Marky]

Marky: Okay!

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: But like, your butt has a bigger, I wanna say, crack?

[Cut to Marky and Coach]

Marky: Yeah, that’s enough. I guess, the jig is up. Matty, come on out.

[Matty walks in. He’s also wearing the wrestling outfit.]

Matty: Hi coach. It’s me, the real Matty.

Coach: No doubt.

Matty: I’m sorry we lied. Lying is bad.

Coach: Just promise me you’ll never try this again.

Marky: We sure won’t. Because we learned our twin lesson.

Coach: No, no, I mean don’t try it again coz it won’t work. I mean, look at you. The two of you side by side right now, it’s insane. I mean, Marky, stand behind Matty I bet you’d completely disappear.

Marky: Oh, that’s okay coach. Coz we’ve both learned our twin lesson.

Coach: No, no, just do it. I wanna see it. You stand behind him like that.

[Marky stands behind Matty. He can’t be seen.] [Cut to the wrestlers]

Kyle: Wow! We can’t even see him Marky.

Jon: You are so much smaller.

[Cut to Matty. Marky is standing behind him.]

Matty: What are you talking about? We’re

[Marky peeks out]

Matty and Marky: Identical twins.

Coach: Okay, yeah. But just look down for a second. You have that deep V thing going on. And you see, Marky, he just sort of has an O. You know? You see, it sort of looks like an O right here, big circle. Marky, I know you can’t be but you look like you’re 10-12 weeks pregnant right now.

Marky: Matty tried to kiss me last night.

Coach: What?

Matty: What?

[Cut to close shot of Marky]

Marky: He didn’t. I tried to kiss him… in his sleep. [sobbing] [The video stops and credit appears] [The End]

Brother 2 Brother

Matty… Chris Hemsworth

Marky… Taran Killam

Mrs. Watkins… Cecily Strong

[Starts with Disney Channel video bumper]

Kid voice: You’re watching the Disney Channel. [Cut to the next show intro] Later, he’s only fifteen but he owns his own pizza place. It’s Cody Pepperoni. But first, it’s time for our brand new episode of “Brother 2 Brother.”

[Cut to Brother 2 Brother intro]

Intro song: It’s Brother 2 Brother
who are there for each other
in every possible way-ay-ay
through thick and through thin
are Calama twin
to help me get through the day-ay
Okay!

[Cut to Matty acting worried in a school hallway. Marky comes in. They’re both wearing same clothes.]

Marky: Matty, what’s wrong? You look down in the dumps. That’s not good.

Matty: Oh, I am Marky. I have a big calculus test today but I don’t know the first thing about math. I mean, what is a molecule anyway?

Marky: Matty, that’s science.

Matty and Marky: Oh, brothers!

Marky: I wish I could help you, but I have to meet Stacy in cafeteria in two minutes. And that’s only 120 seconds.

Matty: Wait a minute. That was math. You’re good at math.

Marky: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Matty: We switch places? You take my calculus test and I meet Stacy in cafeteria?

Marky: Yes, that is what I was thinking. It’s a plan.

Matty: A twin plan!

[Cut to a class]

Mrs. Watkins: Alright class, settle down. It’s time for the big calculus test. Now I hope you all studied.

[Marky walks in the class]

Marky: I know I did, Mrs. Watkins. Me, Matty. I’m ready to take the test and I know I’m gonna ace it. Me, Matty.

Mrs. Watkins: You’re not Matty, you’re Marky. Matty’s like, bigger and stronger. You know, with like, wider shoulders. You’re like smaller and and your skin isn’t as tan. Like, it’s paler. And like, you have that dark arm hair that kind of goes down to your hands. He doesn’t have that. His is like golder skin and also like golder hair.

[Marky is feeling insulted] [Cut to Marky]

Marky: Ah! You caught me.

Mrs. Watkins: Yep, like his jaw [Cut to Marky and Mrs. Watkins] is just more defined. Like, your’s is softer. It’s just sort of slopes down to your neck. You know? He has these cheekbones. They’re just more sculpted. Like, your’s are puffier so you can’t see the structure of the face as much.

Marky: Well, ha-ha. Mrs. Watkins. You caught me.

Mrs. Watkins: And also, his chest goes out. Like it just takes up more room in the room. You know? And he has those– what are those called?

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle: Triceps?

Mrs. Watkins: Yes! Triceps. Thank you. [Cut to Marky and Mrs. Watkins] They make his shirt tighter. Like, your’s is a little looser on the arms, you see? Where the sleeve ends?

Marky: Well, ha-ha. Sure do. Looks like I learned a good–

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: And Matty’s butt is different.

[Cut to Marky and Mrs. Watkins]

Mrs. Watkins: Right, right! Yes! His butt, yes!

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: Coz, Matty’s is like, hard and round and like, up.

[Cut to Marky feeling insulted]

Marky: It is, but–

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: Yeah, and your’s is like, “Well, I got to the bathroom on this thing.” You know?

[Cut to Marky]

Marky: Boy do I know.

[Matty peeks from the door]

Matty: Hey, Marky, how is it going?

Marky: Um, bad.

Matty: Hey, don’t get too good grade, it will be suspicious.

Marky: Ya, we’re not there yet.

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle: Plus, I feel like Matty’s nipples are smaller and harder. Is that a thing?

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: Yeah! Because, you can always like, see them through his shirt.

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle: Right! And we can’t see your’s. So, I feel like that means they’re puffier or wider or something?

[Cut to Marky looking insulted]

You know when like, a nipples puffy–

Marky: My dick’s bigger!

[Cut to Marky and Mrs. Watkins.]

Mrs. Watkins: What? How do you know that?

Marky: It’s not. [Marky starts crying] [Cut to Brother 2 Brother outro]