Phil… Bowen Yang
Heather… Ego Nwodim
Megan Thee Stallion[Music video starts] [music playing]
Phil: [rapping] My friend is going out and I’m tagging along
She’s gonna see some pals she hasn’t seen in so long
Heather: [rapping] It’s my boyfriend’s friend’s birthday and I was free
Will I know people there? He said…
Heather’s boyfriend: You’ll know me.
Megan: My sister’s meeting friends. She said…
Megan’s Sister: You’ll love ’em, I think.
Megan: I said, “I don’t love strangers, but I do like to drink.”
Alexis: Everybody, this is Phil
Phil: Hey, I’m friends with Alexis
Megan’s sister: Guys, this is my sister
Megan: I flew in from Texas
Heather’s boyfriend: And I finally brought my girlfriend
Heather: That’s me, I’m Heather Where did you three meet?
Alexis, Heather’s boyfriend and Megan’s sister: We grew up together!
Phil: Aw, they leave us at the table and they go do a shot
Heather: They ask if we’ll save their seats
Megan: We say, “Sure, why not?”
Phil: But now we’re three strangers that our friends forgot
We got brought
And we don’t know each other
We got brought
So we all have to suffer
We’re all plus-ones just nodding a lot
And we all wanna leave, but it’s only 8 o’clock
We got brought
Megan: It’s hell on earth, but we try to push through
I ask, “Where y’all from?”
Heather: And I ask, “What do you do?”
Phil: And I couldn’t think of a single other question
So I also asked, “Where y’all from?”
Heather: We already covered that.
Phil: Does anyone have another question?
Megan: Okay, so what’s y’all’s trauma?
I make my escape and say I’m going to the bathroom
But this crazy bitch says…
Heather: Oh, I’ll go with you.
Megan: No, you won’t!
Phil: Is she leaving? Nice meeting you.
Now we’re waiting at the bar and no one’s coming by
And if there’s one second of silence then we’ll both die
So I reach into the depths of what I know
And I say, “Did you know there’s only been 25 deaths
at DIsneyland since 1955?”
And she says…
Phil: I say, “Never mind.”
I ask, “What neighborhood is your apartment in?”
Phil: And I say, “Oh, whereabouts in Brooklyn?”
And without skipping a beat she says…
Heather: Oh, the safe part.
Phil: Which was shocking, so I panicked,
and all I could say was…
“Oh good, I love the safe part.”
Heather: Wait, no. I said the south part.
We got brought!
Megan: Your mutual ones are gone! Your mutual ones are missing!
You’re wandering in a dance club while your friends are reminiscing.
Phil: Where are our friends? Where have they gone?
Why would they bring us here and leave us so long?
Megan: You’re all out of topics and the conversation’s lazy
So you just keep on saying, “That’s crazy.”
Oh really? That’s crazy
So crazy. That’s crazy
No way, that’s crazy
Phil: That’s crazy
Heather: So crazy
Phil: Well, it’s nice to meet you. It’s getting late.
Heather: It’s 8:05.
Phil: [screaming] I don’t want to be here anymore!
Heather, Phil and Megan: We got brought!