Bruce Chandling… Kyle Mooney[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Thanksgiving is next week and here with his unique take on the holiday is veteran stand-up comic. You know, he helped me out a lot when I first started. Please welcome, Bruce Chandling.[Bruce Chandling slides in] [cheers and applause]
Bruce Chandling: Oh, hey, hey!
Michael Che: How are you?
Bruce Chandling: Hey, Michael. Good to be here. [delivering bad punch line] Now, where is the food, dude?
Michael Che: Um, Bruce, as you know, thanksgiving isn’t until next Thursday.
Bruce Chandling: No, I know. I’m just– I’m very hungry. We gotta love thanksgiving, right? I love the story of thanksgiving. Pilgrims come to America. [Cut to Bruce Chandling] They are on this big boat. But it’s not an easy journey. They gotta deal with the cold weather, cramped quarters, people getting sick, and worst of all, [delivering bad punch line] bad satellite reception when they are trying to watch the big game.[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]
Michael Che: I’m sorry, you think that pilgrims had TV but with bad reception?
Bruce Chandling: Exactly. The star of the show is the big meal, right? Coz I’m the corn on the cob guy. You heard about this? [Michael Che shakes his head no] [Cut to Bruce Chandling]You’ve seen this? You know, I can’t get enough of the stuff. But the Indians, they don’t call it corn. They call it maize. [delivering bad punch line] As in, maize i have a second helping?[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]
Michael Che: Oh, Bruce, man, I don’t like that one at all.
Bruce Chandling: Hey, what’s the matter, Michael? [delivering bad punch line] Too corny?
Michael Che: Hey, please stop.
Bruce Chandling: Hey, just 45 minutes left. By the way, you know, thanks for helping out a fellow comic. It really means a lot to me.
Michael Che: I think we’re pretty different, actually.
Bruce Chandling: No. Of course, the day after thanksgiving, they got Black Friday. Heard about this one? Seen this?
Michael Che: Yeah, I’ve hear of it.
Bruce Chandling: It’s where you got all the deals at the mini mall.
Michael Che: Mini mall?[Cut to Bruce Chandling]
Bruce Chandling: Ay, the Mini mall. Personally, I think they should change the name from Black Friday to Black and Blue Friday. [delivering bad punch line] Because that’s how you are going to look if you get between me and the hottest toy.[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]
Michael Che: Bruce, you’re not actually fighting people for toys, are you?
Bruce Chandling: Don’t worry, Michael. I ain’t. [Cut to Bruce Chandling] [being emotional] I mean, even if I got the toy, I wouldn’t have anyone special to give it to. I always wanted to have a little Bruce, you know? But I can’t. Because my body don’t work that way.[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]
Michael Che: Hey, I’m sorry about that, Bruce.
Bruce Chandling: IT’s probably for the best.
Michael Che: Don’t say that.
Bruce Chandling: I wouldn’t even be able to take care of him. I can’t get a job. Don’t even know how to write cursive.
Michael Che: I don’t think you need to know cursive to get a job.
Bruce Chandling: The problem is, I don’t know non-cursive either.
Michael Che: Oh, yeah, Bruce, seems like you’re having a rough time. You know what? Why don’t you come over and celebrate thanksgiving with me and my family. How about that?
Bruce Chandling: Hmm. I guess. [Cut to Bruce Chandling] You know what they say…
Michael Che: Oh, dude!
Bruce Chandling: [delivering bad punch line] Where’s the food, dude?[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]
Michael Che: That was the worst one yet. Bruce Chandling, everybody.
Bruce Chandling: Hey, still got 42 minutes left.
Michael Che: No. You’re done.[Cut to Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: I think he’s getting better.