The House with Will Ferrell

Bryan… Beck Bennett

Brad… Will Farrell

David… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with Bryan and Brad playing cards in their house]

Bryan: I won. Thanks for teaching me how to play cards.

Brad: It’s one of my favorite games.

[Bryan looks at his watch]

Bryan: Oh, wow! It’s almost time for movie night. I’m gonna get in something more comfortable since we’ll be lounging around.

Brad: Sweet.

[Bryan and Brad hug and Bryan walks away.] [David slowly walks in]

David: Hey, Brad. Playing cards?

Brad: Yeah.

David: Well, we should get going soon if we’re gonna catch a movie at the theater for movie night.

[Cut to Brad narrating]

Brad narrating: Say what? David thinks we’re gonna watch a movie at the theaters. Bryan and I though we’re gonna watch one at the house. This could be drama, people.

[Cut to Brad in the hosue]

Brad: Dude, can we talk?

David: Um, sure.

[Cut to David narrating]

David narrating: Talk? I need answers. Like, yesterday.

[Cut to Brad and David]

Brad: It’s about movie night.

[David takes a seat]

David: Alright. What about it?

Brad: It’s just that Bryan and I thought we’d watch a movie here.

[David gets disappointed] [Cut to David narrating]

David narrating: Como se di’ se, what the hell?

[Cut to Brad and David]

David: But I bought us these tickets. [showing three tickets] [Cut to Brad narrating]

Brad narrating: I did not see that coming.

[Cut to Brad and David]

Brad: I’m sorry, David. I didn’t know.

David: I think I should leave.

[David stands and starts walking away]

Brad: Wait, David. I think going to the movies… [David turns around] is a great idea. Thanks for buying the tickets.

[Cut to Brad narrating]

Brad narrating: Yes! Movie night is back on. David is one of my favorite guys in the house. I can’t wait to get to know him more.

[Cut to Brad and David]

Brad: Do you know how to play cards?

David: No.

Brad: Let me teach you.

[Brad starts teaching David how to play cards. Bryan walks in with a bowl full of pop-corn.]

Bryan: It’s movie time. [Bryan looks at Brad and David] Wait, David. Why are you wearing a jacket?

[Cut to Brad narrating]

Brad narrating: Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, folks. This could get bumpy.

[Cut to the house]

Brad: Byna, I think we need to talk.

[Cut to Bryan narrating]

Bryan narrating: Okay. Let’s back it up here. Is anyone gonna tell me what the hell is happening right now?

[Cut to the house]

Brad: I wanna tell you what’s happening right now. Something happened earlier that you should know about.

[Cut to flashbacks of the conversation Brad and David had when Bryan was not there.] [Cut to the house]

Bryan: Wait. We’re going to the movies? But I’m wearing shorts.

[David stands]

David: And that’s why, we need to talk.

[Cut to Brad narrating]

Brad narrating: And we have lift off.

[Cut to Bryan narrating]

Bryan narrating: Okay. Looks like the specials today are drama, drama, and more drama.

[Cut to Tracy Morgan narrating]

Tracy Morgan: You gotta remember, I’m still taking my nap.

[Cut to the house]

David: The reason I wanted to talk to you is I wanna know if you put on some pants and go to the movie theater with us.

[Cut to Bryan narrating]

Bryan narrating: Yup, this is officially my life.

[Cut to the house]

Bryan: The answer to your question is… [Bryan and David looking at each other] No. Because I’m fine being a little chilly in the theater.

[happy song playing. They all hug it out.]

Female voice: Coming up on The House, Sonoma, season seven… ty five hundred… thousand.

[Cut to Brad opening the door to go to the movies. There is a woman and a boy outside of the door.]

Woman: Are you Brad Clay?

Brad: Yeah.

Woman: This is your son.

[Cut to Brad narrating]

Brad narrating: Survey says, drama!

[Cut to a dog narrating] [dog is barking. The subtitle says “Just what I needed, more drama…”.]

Boy: Hi.

[Cut to Boy narrating]

Boy narrating: Holy fuc**.

The House with Chris Hemsworth

Chase… Beck Bennett

Eric… Chris Hemsworth

Bryan… Kyle Mooney

Taran Killam

[Starts with Chase and Eric watching a movie]

Chase: Man, what a good movie.

Eric: Yeah.

Chase: You done ordering some food?

Eric: eah, I’m gonna go and take a shower. So, let’s pick somewhere to eat when I get back.

Chase: Cool. I’ll look through some menus.

[Eric leaves and Chase is gong through some menus] [Bryan walks in]

Bryan: Hey, man. I’m gonna pick up some groceries. I thinking of making dinner tonight.

[Cut to Chase being shocked] [Cut to Chase narrating]

Chase narrating: This is the first time I’ve heard anything about Bryan wanting to get groceries. I might have to tell him that Eric and I are planning on ordering food.

[Cut to Chase and Bryan]

Chase: Eric and I are planning on ordering food.

[Cut to Bryan being shocked.] [Cut to Chase]

Would you wanna get in on that?

[Cut to Bryan narrating]

Bryan narrating: Wait, Eric and Chase are ordering food? Now I’m thinking I wanna order food too. I’m really confused.

[Cut to Chase and Bryan]

Bryan: Hey, man. We need to talk.

Chase: Yeah. What’s up?

Bryan: I was thinking about ordering that food stuff. And I think– I think I definitely wanna order food with you guys.

Chase: Nice.

[Chase and Bryan hug each other] [Cut to Chase narrating]

Chase narrating: Wow! It’s cool to have somebody in the house that I can finally be myself around.

[Cut to Chase and Bryan]

Chase: Cool if I put my feet up?

Bryan: No problem. Just be yourself.

[Chase puts his feet up on the table.] [Eric walks in]

Eric: Hey, Chase. I’m out of the shower and ready to decide where to order from.

[Eric looks at Chase and Bryan and become shocked.]

Wait, Bryan?

[Cut to Chase and Bryan. They both stand up.] [Cut to Eric narrating]

Eric narrating: Bryan wasn’t in the living room when I went to take a shower. And now he is? I gotta get to the bottom of this.

[Cut to Eric]

Eric: Someone wanting to explain to me what’s going on?

[Cut to Chase and Bryan. Chase stands.]

Chase: Eric, something happened when you were in the shower.

[Cut to replay of what happened when Eric was not there in black and white.] [Cut to Eric]

Eric: Hold up. Earlier, I talked to Chase about getting dinner. Bryan, now you wanna order food too?

[Cut to Bryan narrating]

Bryan narrating: Dude!

[Cut to Bryan]

Bryan: Yeah!

[Cut to Eric narrating]

Eric narrating: Is this actually happening right now?

[Cut to Chase narrating]

Chase narrating: Welcome to the house.

[Cut to Eric]

Eric: Wait, wait. I gotta think about this.

[Cut to Chase and Bryan waiting for the answer.]

Bryan, you step forward please.

[Bryan steps forward.] [Cut to Eric]

I admire you told me the truth. But you said that you wanted to get groceries. And then you changed your mind. Now, I’m not sure I can trust you.

[Cut to Bryan nodding his head.]

Chase, you step forward please.

[Chase steps forward.]

That’s too far. back.

[Chase steps a bit backward.]

To the right a little bit.

[Chase steps right] [Cut to Eric]

That’s good. Now, you were one of the first people that I decided to order food with, but I’ve questioned your loyalty ever since you cheated on the midnight endurance challenge.

[Cut to midnight endurance challenge. All three of them are standing on logs carrying buckets on the both sides. Chase kicks Eric and Eric falls down.] [Cut to Chase narrating]

Chase narrating: Oh, no! Eric fell?

[Cut to Eric]

Eric: This is tough.

[Taran walks in. He is wearing a nice suit.]

Taran: Eric. One person has to leave the house tonight. It’s time to make your decision. Who is it going to be?

[suspense music playing] [Cut to Eric]

Eric: The person who has to leave…

[Cut to Chase and Bryan looking at each other.]

the house tonight… is…

[Cut to Eric]

me. I’m going to grocery store and I’m gonna make dinner for everyone.

[Cut to Chase and Bryan getting angry and vandalizing the house]

Male voice: Coming up on “So you think you can live with Brina?”

[Cut to Bryan narrating]

Bryan narrating: Eric’s dinner sucked so he had one last chance to secure the spot in the hosue.

[Cut to Eric singing]

Eric: Five, six, seven, eight…

[singing] You’re making me believe–

[Cut to Chase and Bryan. They are the judges.]

Chase: No.

Bryan: No.

[Cut to Eric]

Eric: Fu–[bleep]

PowerPoint | Season 44 Episode 15

Beck Bennett

Idris Elba

Bryan… Alex Moffat

Diane… Leslie Jones

Kevin… Chris Redd

Crystal… Heidi Gardner

Henriette… Aidy Bryant

Nan… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with a presentation between staff members]

Beck Bennett: Okay, team, sales core industries.

Idris Elba: And on behalf of Microsoft, we want to thank you for letting us help your brush up on your Powerpoint skills.

Beck Bennett: Yes, we asked you to pair up and create a mock Powerpoint presentation. We have [Cut to Bryan and Diane] Bryan and Diane from sales. [Cut to Kevin and Crystal] Kevin and Crystal from market research. And, of course, [Cut to Henriette and Nan] Henriette and Nan, our fun receptionist.

Henriette: We don’t even use computers, just use the phone. So, we’ll see.

Nan: Hopefully our natural charm carried us through.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Idris Elba: I’m sure you did great. Let’s see everyone’s first slide. [Cut to Bryan and Diane’s presentation] Oh, wow! Great use of bullet points.

[Cut to Bryan and Diane]

Bryan: Well, what can I say, we make a great team.

Diane: Did we tell you we’re dating?

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: A couple of times. Yes. How about you two. [Cut to Kevin and Crystal’s presentation] Okay, a nice border here.

[Cut to Kevin and Crystal]

Kevin: Market research bringing our A-game.

Crystal: Whoop-whoop.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Idris Elba: Whoop-whoop, it’s right. And, Henrietta and Nan.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan’s presentation. There’s nothing but random boxes.]

Beck Bennett: Okay. You know what, little trouble there. No worries.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan crying] [Cut to Idris and Beck]

Idris Elba: Hey, ladies, don’t cry. You did a great job. You’re definitely communicating something.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: We’re so sorry.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: What do you think happened?

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Nan: I didn’t even know where to start.

Henriette: This is not my world.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Idris Elba: That’s okay, ladies, it’s just a practice.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: We just kept clicking on what I believe are called Digifiles. And strange things started happening.

Nan: We made trash sir.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Okay, you know what? Why don’t we just focus on your presentation and see where we can help.

Idris Elba: Is that okay with everybody else?

[Cut to everyone agreeing]

Bryan: Absolutely. Sure.

Diane: Yeah, I got to see this.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: Awesome. Well, we asked you to make some slides about things you’re passionate about. So, Henreitta and Nan, let’s check these out. [Cut to slide that says ‘Corn bread’] Corn bread. All right. And you crossed it out.

[Cut to slide that says king a lot of times, carole and there’s a picture of Wayne Brady]

Idris Elba: Okay, it looks like Carole King and I see a small Wayne Brady in the corner.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Nan: But that was already there.

Henriette: Yeah, we actually tried to get rid of him.

Nan: I’m frustrated.

Henriette: Yeah, and now honestly, I’m at the point in my life where I feel that I can’t learn.

Nan: We’re going to be fired and slapped.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: Okay. That is not going to happen. This is an optional workshop. Next, we asked you to try using a graph of your choice. [Cut to slide that has a picture of a clock] And it looks like you put a clock on a shelf.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Nan: Oh, we fixed it in the next one.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Idris Elba: Oh, yes. [The next slide has two clocks] Now there’s two clocks.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: Yes, that’s right. There’s one for each of us.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: All right, moving on. A boy with a speaker in his eye.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: We thought we could make a music video. We were so arrogant.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Idris Elba: That’s okay. You aimed high, let’s see where you landed. The word undo and a picture of knives.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: We were trying to undo.

Nan: We kept hitting undo.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: And you added more knives.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: I’m a total simple turd.

Nan: I’m an idiot bitch.

Henriette: My husband has to tie my shoes in the morning.

Nan: I only went to preschool.

Henriette: I tripped in church and I showed my ass.

Nan: Once I couldn’t figure out how to turn off my radio, so I poured water on it, and I blew up my house.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Idris Elba: Ladies you don’t need to do this.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: No, I’m not done. I am not diligent about brushing my teeth. I don’t do it every day or whatever.

Nan: And I wipe as best I can, but there’s always more.

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: Oh, my god. Stop. Just stop.

Idris Elba: That is enough.

[Cut to Bryan, Diane, Kevin and Crystal]

Kevin: I mean we can’t unhear that.

Diane: Whatever? There’s always more?

[Cut to Idris and Beck]

Beck Bennett: All right, I’m just going to go ahead and say we’re done.

Idris Elba: Yeah, yeah. On behalf of Microsoft, we can say that you could stay on the phones and so you never have to use Powerpoint again.

[Cut to Henrietta and Nan]

Henriette: Oh, thank god.

Nan: Not in a million years.

[Cut to everybody]

Diane: And bitch, brush your teeth.