Chris Fitzpatrick… Kyle Mooney
Scott Thurman… Beck Bennett
C.C. Toxic… Brie Larson[Starts with three band members recording themselves]
Chris: What’s up Kickstarter. I’m Chris Fitzpatrick.
Scott: I’m Scott Thurman.
C.C. Toxic: And I am C.C. Toxic. And we are…
All: Discree Annihilation.
Chris: Bitch![cut to video clips of their band playing metal music] [Cut back to the recording]
Chris: And we want you to donate $750,000 so we can record out 5 track debut E.P..
Scott: Put our worldwide tour.
C.C. Toxic: And produce our web exclusive feature length film…
All: Johnny Shadow.
Chris: So, who are we? Discreet Annihilation is a brand new band that was formed this summer. We are all whites but do black-style raps and combine it with actually good music like electric guitars. Scott’s dad used to be a train conductor. Boy does he got some stories to tell. Now, you might be saying…
C.C. Toxic: “We get it. You guys are definitely not corporate clones and you actually make good ass music. Did you say something about a movie?”
Scott: “Yeah! It’s called Johnny Shadow, right? Sounds revolutionary. What’s it all about?”
Chris: Johnny Shadow is about renegade living in a future society run by the evil Dr. Conformity. Most movies are boring, romantic little bitch, brainwash bubblegum. This movie’s different. Johnny is very creative with his lyrics, and he rides a blue motorcycle. What am I doing talking so much? Let’s watch the exclusive preview.[Cut to the preview. Chris is being approached by the corporate music producers.] [Scott and C.C. Toxic wearing suits and mask]
C.C. Toxic: You must join us Mr. Shadow. Wear these named branded clothes and become a mainstream slave.
Chris: No way. I’ve got another idea.[rock music playing] [Chris shoots the corporates with a machine gun]
Ha-ha-ha-ha.[Scott and C.C. Toxic open their masks]
C.C. Toxic: [sigh] Thank you, Johnny. We’re not corporate drones anymore.[Cut to video clips of police cars blowing up.] [Cut back to the recording]
Scott: And now for your da-da-da-da-Donation Rewards!
Chris: For $10, you’ll get a digital download of the album and we’ll post a picture of you on our band’s official Instagram account.
Scott: $25, you’ll get one of my hand-drawn funny cartoon character families. [showing the hand drawn picture] The Fooblers. Plus, the Instagram pic and digital download of our album.
C.C. Toxic: For a $1,000, you get the Fooblers drawing, the download Instagram tag and a Discreet Annihilation Identification card which allows you to fly yourself out and be our intern.
Chris: For $5,000, you get the ID card, the Fooblers drawing, the digital download, tagged Instagram, autographed baseball and [a picture of Chris on a dining table holding a rose appears] a dinner date with your’s truly. Hey, I don’t discriminate, except if you gotta be a skinny stripper.
Scott: And last but not least, as a contributor at our executive zombie level for $100,000, you’ll get the Fooblers, download, gram, baseball, snickers bar, ID, bandana, dinner date and we’ll send you a personalized rap ty C.C. Toxic using your name.[Cut to C.C. Toxic’s rap]
C.C. Toxic: C. Tox coming after you, bout to attack you, Kevin![Cut to the recording]
Chris: Thank you. Maybe this will put you over the edge.[Chris puts on the sun glasses]
Scott: What is that?
Chris: It’s Johnny Shadow.[The End]