Shane… Mikey Day
Shane: And some more tea for Clara Bell, but make sure Claire Bell knows it’s very hot. Okay?
Sarah: Thank you.
Shane: Thank you.[There’s a man wearing a pink suit in the cafe sitting with two dolls]
Hi there. Welcome to American Girl cafe. I’m Shane. I’ll be taking care of you this afternoon. I still see you’re waiting on some folks.
Travis: Nope. Gang’s all here.
Shane: Okay. So you’re not waiting for your daughter or niece?
Travis: Nope. Just me and the girls. This is Claire. That’s Isabel. [introducing the dolls]
Shane: Okie dokie. I always start by asking if there are any food allergies I should be aware of?
Travis: No, but this one is doing keto right now.
Shane: Okay. And are you allowed within 1000 feet of the school?
Travis: Yes, why?
Shane: Just a standard question we ask all of our patrons. Can I start you out with something to drink?
Travis: A glass of Rosae. I’ll need a drink to get me through lunch with these two drama queens.
Shane: Okay. Wonderful. I just need to see your ID. So sorry. They make us ask everyone. [Travis gives him his ID] Thanks. And so you don’t have any other names you use, right? This is the name that would appear on any online court documents or registered on any government list?
Travis: That’s the one but the only list you’ll find me on is the hungriest customer list.
Shane: Right? Okay, shall I bring you some menus then?
Travis: No need. I already know what I want. I’ll have a 64 ounce Porterhouse rare.
Shane: Okay, so unfortunately, we do not serve giant steaks here. It’s just a cafe.
Travis: Oh, well, we’ll need menus then. But FYI, don’t bring out any kids menus for the girls. Isabella just had her period and she thinks she’s a woman now.
Shane: Wonderful. Thank you for telling me that. Let me just take a quick look under here. Make sure you’re not aroused. No. All clear. Okay, I’ll be back shortly.[Sarah walks to Travis with her daughter]
Sarah: Hi, my daughter is shy but she wanted to know if your dolls wanted some of her pizza.
Travis: Thanks. but no thanks. They don’t need the calories, and frankly, neither does your daughter.
Sarah: What did you say to me?
Travis: The truth Honey. Bye now.
Heidi: Hi there. I’m Lucy the manager. Just a safety thing we do here. You mind always keeping both hands on the table? Just so we know you’re not doing anything inappropriate under there. Sorry. It’s a vestige of the COVID era. Enjoy.[There’s Kenan sitting with his daughter and a doll at the next table]
Kenan: Wow, how cool is this sweetheart? I hope Logan is hungry.
Travis: Oh, check your makeup, girls. Boy alert.
Kenan: Hello, is there a reason that your dolls are looking at us, sir?
Travis: You bring a stud like that in here, he’s gonna turn a few heads.
Kenan: Ha-ha-ha. [to Shane] Excuse me?
Kenan: Yeah. That gentleman at that table-
Shane: Oh, he is here alone. But he seems to be harmless.
Kenan: So he’s not-
Shane: Aroused? No, I checked.
Kenan: Okay. And you’re sure he’s harmless? Because I really don’t like what he’s doing right now.
Travis: Isabelle said she was hot, but I think she just wanted to show her body off.
Kenan: Yeah, he talking about showing up the body of a doll. That’s not my favorite thing I’ve heard today. He’s coming over here. Okay.[Travis brings his doll and puts it on side of Kenan’s doll]
Travis: Let the flirting begin. Don’t worry, she’s on the pill.
Shane: You know what? Let me just- Darius? Can you?
Darius: Yeah? What’s up? Lucy said we have a possible creeper in here?
Kenan: Yeah, over there.
Darius: Huh. All right. Don’t worry sir. I’m on it
Shane: Thank you so much.[Darius walks to Sarah]
Darius: [to Sarah] Ay, listen up pervert! You do anything shady in here, we’re gonna have a problem. You understand me?
Sarah: What did you just say to me?
Darius: The truth, honey.