Black Widow… Scarlett Johansson
Thor… Taran Killam
Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah
Reporter… Cecily Strong
Captain America… Beck Bennett
Hulk… Bobby Moynihan[Starts with Marvel Universe intro]
Male voice: You love the Marvel Universe. Avengers: Age of Ultron, Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, but you wanna know why no Black Widow movie? Does marvel not know how to make a girl superhero movie? Chill! Marvel gets women. Coming in 2016. When it came to life in a big city, [Cut to Black Widow walking in the street] Black Widow had it all figured out. [Black Widow’s heel breaks]
A huge apartment, great friends and an internship at Fashion Weekly.
Kate: Where’s the new girl?[Cut to Black Widow coming in the office doing somersault.]
Black Widow: Sorry.
Kate: Leather, with a low neckline? Take that off… and put it on the cover of our magazine.[Black Widow is so happy]
Male voice: The only thing missing in Black Widow’s life was love.[Black Widow meets Ultron in the park. Ultron is wearing a suit.]
Ultron: Hey, I’m Ultron.
Black Widow: Black Widow.
Ultron: You wanna grab a coffee?
Black Widow: I don’t really have time for dating guys now.
Ultron: What about robots?[Cut to Thor and Black Widow]
Thor: So, who’s the guy?
Black Widow: Why do you think it’s always a guy, Thor?
Thor: Honey, you’re putting ketchup on your cereal.
Male voice: From Marvel Studios, and the writers of dresses, [Cut to Black Widow and Ultron enjoying in the park] comes the story of a super hero and her super romance.[Cut to Black Widow and Ultron in a room. Ultron opens his pants and all sorts of robot sounds and lights are coming. Black Widow is looking carefully.]
Robot voice: Penis activated.[Cut to Nick Fury, Black Widow and Captain America]
Nick Fury: I don’t know, Black Widow, I think you’re moving way too fast with this guy.
Captain America: Does he even know anything about you? Like your favorite food is ice cream?[Thor walks in wearing a towel.]
Thor: Hey, BW. Your boyfriend is on the news.[Cut to the TV]
Reporter: The robot named Ultron threw a bus at the Fashion Weekly building. I’d hate to be that guy’s girlfriend.[Cut to Black Widow sobbing and crying alone] [News showing “I’m sorry” written on a building by fire] [Ultron visits Black Widow]
Black Widow: What are you doing here? You knew how much that job meant to me.
Black Widow: Do you even know what my favorite food is?
Black Widow: Huh! Thank you![Black Widow kicks Ultron]
Male voice: For Black Widow, falling in love can be hard. But it can also be ‘Incredible’.[Hulk walks to Black Widow]
Hulk: Where will you go?
Black Widow: Paris, France.
Hulk: But if you go Paris, then who help Hulk… [Hulk shows two ice creams] eat ice cream?
Male voice: Black Widow: Age of Me. Marvel, we know girls.