Black Widow Trailer

Black Widow… Scarlett Johansson

Kate McKinnon

Thor… Taran Killam

Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah

Reporter… Cecily Strong

Captain America… Beck Bennett

Hulk… Bobby Moynihan

[Starts with Marvel Universe intro]

Male voice: You love the Marvel Universe. Avengers: Age of Ultron, Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, but you wanna know why no Black Widow movie? Does marvel not know how to make a girl superhero movie? Chill! Marvel gets women. Coming in 2016. When it came to life in a big city, [Cut to Black Widow walking in the street] Black Widow had it all figured out. [Black Widow’s heel breaks]

A huge apartment, great friends and an internship at Fashion Weekly.

Kate: Where’s the new girl?

[Cut to Black Widow coming in the office doing somersault.]

Black Widow: Sorry.

Kate: Leather, with a low neckline? Take that off… and put it on the cover of our magazine.

[Black Widow is so happy]

Male voice: The only thing missing in Black Widow’s life was love.

[Black Widow meets Ultron in the park. Ultron is wearing a suit.]

Ultron: Hey, I’m Ultron.

Black Widow: Black Widow.

Ultron: You wanna grab a coffee?

Black Widow: I don’t really have time for dating guys now.

Ultron: What about robots?

[Cut to Thor and Black Widow]

Thor: So, who’s the guy?

Black Widow: Why do you think it’s always a guy, Thor?

Thor: Honey, you’re putting ketchup on your cereal.

Male voice: From Marvel Studios, and the writers of dresses, [Cut to Black Widow and Ultron enjoying in the park] comes the story of a super hero and her super romance.

[Cut to Black Widow and Ultron in a room. Ultron opens his pants and all sorts of robot sounds and lights are coming. Black Widow is looking carefully.]

Robot voice: Penis activated.

[Cut to Nick Fury, Black Widow and Captain America]

Nick Fury: I don’t know, Black Widow, I think you’re moving way too fast with this guy.

Captain America: Does he even know anything about you? Like your favorite food is ice cream?

[Thor walks in wearing a towel.]

Thor: Hey, BW. Your boyfriend is on the news.

[Cut to the TV]

Reporter: The robot named Ultron threw a bus at the Fashion Weekly building. I’d hate to be that guy’s girlfriend.

[Cut to Black Widow sobbing and crying alone]

[News showing “I’m sorry” written on a building by fire]

[Ultron visits Black Widow]

Black Widow: What are you doing here? You knew how much that job meant to me.

Ultron: I…

Black Widow: Do you even know what my favorite food is?

Ultron: Pizza?

Black Widow: Huh! Thank you!

[Black Widow kicks Ultron]

Male voice: For Black Widow, falling in love can be hard. But it can also be ‘Incredible’.

[Hulk walks to Black Widow]

Hulk: Where will you go?

Black Widow: Paris, France.

Hulk: But if you go Paris, then who help Hulk… [Hulk shows two ice creams] eat ice cream?

Male voice: Black Widow: Age of Me. Marvel, we know girls.

Avengers News Report

Janet… Cecily Strong

Dani Powel… Bobby Moynihan

Thor… Chirs Hemsworth

Iron Man… Taran Killam

Dr. Bruce Banner… Pete Davidson

Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah

Captain America… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Action News seven intro]

Male voice: This is Action News seven Special Report.

[Cut to Janet in her news set]

Janet: Breaking news. This afternoon as Ultron and his evil army of robots have been defeated. And once again, mankind has the Avengers to thank. We go live to downtown Washington DC where our reporter Dani is on the scene.

[Cut to Dani in in the scene. Thor is taking selfies with the public.]

Dani: Hi Janet, I stand here where just moments ago, the Avengers claimed victory over Ultron’s forces. Joining me if I can get him over here is the mighty Thor. Hey Thor!

[Thor walks in]

Thor: Woohoo!

Dani: Can we talk to you for a second?

Thor: [singing] We are the champions my friend

What’s up?

Dani: Oh, wow. Thor, what a spectacular showing from the Avengers. How are you feeling?

Thor: Oh, man! I am on pure adrenaline right now. I’m at like an 11. I’m cranked up. Whooo!

[Thor kisses Dani on his cheek]

Dani: Oh, my goodness!

Thor: I’m sorry. I totally just kissed your head. That was weird.

Dani: That’s okay. Yo, there was a moment there where it looked like Ultron was definitely going to kill everyone.

Thor: Yeah. I gotta give it up to those robots. They fought hard. But luckily, I’m Thor!

[The public behind him cheer for him.]

Pi-pi-pi-pi. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.

[Iron Man walks in]

Iron Man: Hey, um, don’t listen to a word this guy says.

Thor: Oh my god! This guy. Love this guy!

Dani: Mr. Stark. Is there anything you’d like to say?

Iron Man: Um, yeah. [Iron Man takes the mic] To the owner of a Blue Honda Accord, your lights are on. Oh, yeah, also there’s a building on it. Relax, that was a joke. Rim shot! Keep up people! Peace in the middle east. I’m going to Disney World.

Dani: Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Iron Man passes the mic back to Dani and leaves]

Thor: That guy has a dry sense of humor.

Dani: Oh-oh! And here comes Dr. Bruce Banner, a.k.a., the hulk.

[Dr. Bruce Banner walks in]

Dr. Banner.

Thor: This guy!

Dr. Bruce Banner: What happened?

Thor: You crushed it, man!

Dr. Bruce Banner: I think I ate a guy.

Thor: Yeah, you did. You ate a bunch of guys. You’re nut.

Dr. Bruce Banner: I need to sit down.

Thor: Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Dani: Dr. Bruce Banner–

Thor: Ay-Ay- Where is everyone going after this? We’re going out?

[The public cheering for him]

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Dani, it seems like the Avengers are confident there will be no further attacks.

[Cut to Thor is dancing behind him.]

Dani: No, I don’t have official word, Janet. But I would say that sounds very accurate considering Thor is doing the running man. But wait, oh, here’s someone who can give us some answers. Avenger’s leader, Nick Fury.

[Nick Fury walks in]

Mr. Fury.

Nick Fury: What?

Dani: Does Ultron still pose a threat?

Nick Fury: No!

Dani: Great! You heard it here first.

[Thor and Iron Man walk in and pours a bucket of ice and water on Nick Fury]

Nick Fury: I’m freezing!

Thor: Stark’s idea! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Captin America walks in]

Captin America: Hey, may I address your viewers?

Dani: Of course. Janet, I am joined now by Captain America.

Captin America: Citizens, please be aware. The mayor’s order to remain in your home is still in effect. [Thor is mocking Captin America from behind] Many buildings are unstable and several fires are not yet contained. Thank you.

Dani: Thank you, sir.

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Dani, do you have any new information about the extent of the damage? And when those evacuated might be allowed to return to their home?

[Cut to Dani. Thor is dancing behind.]

Dani: No, but Thor just informed me that the victory party is at the Dave&Busters on 9th street. And there also might be some late night karaoke. Okay, hey Thor. Still going.

[Thor takes the mic from Dani]

Thor: Hey, can I do a shoutout?

Dani: Of course, yeah!

Thor: Shout out to my brother Loki. I mean, I know we had our differences in the past and he tried to take over the world, but I love you man! And um, my ex! My ex, Jane. How do you like me now? Boom! Ha-ha. What else? What else? Check out my podcast on Soundcloud. It’s sick. It’s sick. Oh, and I’m sorry, we just destroyed your city.I love my life. Whooo!

[public cheering for Thor]

[Dani gives his hand for a high-five. Thor gives Dani a high-five, it breaks Dani’s hand.]

Dani: [screaming] Oh, my god!

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Thank you, Dani. Our live coverage continues after this.

[Ends with Action News seven outro]