Weekend Update- Carrie Krum on Vacationing During the Pandemic

Carrie Krum… Aidy Bryant

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Tourism and airplane travel have been hit, specially hard by the coronavirus this year. Here to comment on the changing state of her industry is seventh grade travel expert Carrie Krum.

[Carrie Krum slides in]

Carrie Krum: Wow! I missed you, Michael.

Michael Che: Hey, Carrie. I missed you too. How was your summer?

Carrie Krum: Oh, it was awesome. My mom bought a chef hat for when I make pizza and my brother shot me twice with a paint ball gun.

Michael Che: Well, that’s pretty impressive. So, Carrie, you must have been sad that you couldn’t take any of your fun trips this summer?

Carrie Krum: Oh, Michael. Being at home is the ultimate vacation. You got my room, my mom’s room, a small decorative box filled with my baby teeth, and an irrigation ditch where all my pets were laid to rest. And did you know, Michael? Church is illegal right now, so we listen to it on the radio. And Michael… Michael… I listened to church in a tankini.

Michael Che: Oh, that all sounds fun. So, what are some tips on how people can enjoy a good stay-cation?

Carrie Krum: Oh! Well, bring the beach to you with something my family likes to call ‘the hose in the driveway’. It’s like a refreshing pool where you don’t have to know where you swim and the water tastes like dirt and metal.

Michael Che: Okay, Carrie. Well, what about something fun for kids who are going back to school online?

Carrie Krum: Well, yeah. You gotta make the best of the hard times. I mean, I am loving computer school. I’m never on mute, I’m always talking, always moving, and I can’t stop looking at myself. And I didn’t think that I could ever have a crush over Zoom but Jack Mathers, I mean during Social Studies, I can see his bed room. And Michael… Michael… he’s got a big lizard in there. Bad boy. Ooh!

Michael Che: Okay, yeah. Alright. Well, is it hard to not hangout with your friends at least?

Carrie Krum: Well, technically, I’m never alone because fairies are real and when it rains, it becomes easier to see them.

Michael Che: So, it sounds like you actually sort of thrived in quarantine?

Carrie Krum: Well, yeah. Except for– Well, my mom said I need to get… [mumbling]

Michael Che: A what?

Carrie Krum: A tank-top with support. It’s not a bra, but it do press down.

Michael Che: Oh my gosh.

Carrie Krum: And then my brother Mitchell found it and he put it on and he stuffed toilet paper in the holders, and he was walking around doing a chi-chi dance and I screamed so loud that my dad thought that I had been hurt. Whatever though. I started drinking sprite out of a coffee cup. So, I’m adult.

Michael Che: Carrie Krum, everybody. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.

Weekend Update Travel Expert Carrie Krum on Winter Getaways

Michael Che

Carrie Krum

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: With temperatures dropping, people are looking to escape winter blues by heading to warmer climates. Here with her insider tips is 7th grade travel expert, Carrie Krum.

[Carrie slides in]

Carrie: Hi Michael.

Michael Che: Hi, Carrie. So, how was your holidays?

Carrie: Awesome. Yeah, I bit into a cherry chocolate and there was alcohol inside of it. But don’t worry Michael, I wasn’t driving.

Michael Che: So, Carrie, what are some destinations where people can head this winter?

Carrie: Oh, I’m glad you asked me Michael. [Cut to Carrie] A destination will impress is none other than my uncle’s house in Lincoln, Nebraska. It’s got a fridge in the garage, a dog on it’s way out with both his eyes that look like milky moons. And an elliptical where I saw boys bathing suit was drying. And Michael… [Cut to Carrie and Michael Che] Michael… There was a net inside.

Michael Che: Alright Carrie. I was thinking of warmer destination. Like a beach.

Carrie: Oh. Got you. [Cut to Carrie] Well, you wan fun in the sun then head to Muskegon, Michigan. We had a magical night at my cousin’s basketball tournament where I drank a Red Gator and which made me look like I was wearing lipstick. And then, I took a wrong turn into the boys locker room where I saw a big boy changing. And Michael… [Cut to Carrie and Michael Che] Michael… On his belly, there was hairs.

[Carrie taps on Michael Che’s hand for attention]

Michael Che: Okay. Um, what about somewhere like Florida. You ever been to Florida?

Carrie: Oh, baby! Have I, right girls? Oh, I was the queen of the Panhandle visiting my mom’s aunt Agnus. Michael, she is living the life. [Cut to Carrie] Her bed is in the living room. And it has a remote control. Oh, what? Am I dreaming? And she gave me a candy for every page of the bible that I read out loud to her. And do you know what it says in the bible? [Cut to Carrie and Michael Che] Michael… Michael… Jesus rode an ass. [laughing] That’s been getting me for days.

Michael Che: Well, Carrie, it sound like you had a great winter break.

Carrie: Well, not New Year’s eve.

Michael Che: Oh! Why didn’t you like New Year’s eve?

Carrie: Because my cousin gave me Mountain Dew soup, Michael.

Michael Che: What? Mountain Dew soup?

[Cut to Carrie]

Carrie: Well, it’s Mountain Dew in a bowl that you eat with a spoon. And I had too much and then I ran into a sliding glass door.

[Cut to Carrie and Michael Che]

Michael Che: Oh, no!

Carrie: Yeah. And then I barfed.

Michael Che: Carrie!

Carrie: And it was green so everyone called me Slimer.

Michael Che: Carrie Krum, everybody.

Carrie: Halsie gave me five bucks.

Weekend Update: Travel Expert Carrie Krum on Spring Break – SNL | Season 44 Episode 8

Michael Che

Carrie Krum… Aidy Bryant

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set]

Michael Che: Spring break is around the corner, which means families across the country are heading out on vacation. Here with her insider tips is seventh grade travel expert, Carrie Krum.

[Cheers and applause] [Carrie Krum joins Michael Che]

Carrie Krum: My god.

Michael Che: Hi Carrie. So, how is your trip to New York?

Carrie Krum: I love it. I saw a cop on a horse yell at a bus.

Michael Che: Cool. So where should people head for spring break?

[Cut to Carrie]

Carrie Krum: Oh well, spring break means fun, sun and music on the beach, so you got to head to Boise, Idaho. It checks every box. Grammy, my step grandpa, a.k.a Peepo. And their cat that’s so old it has an IV hanging from the chandelier. Not to mention their neighbor has a daughter who is my age. She put eyeshadow on me, Michael. [Cut to Carrie and Michael] And, Michael? [Carrie is excited] Michael?

Michael Che: Yes.

Carrie Krum: When the pizza guys saw me, he asked if we were having a party.

Michael Che: Okay, that sounds like what your family did in Boise. Any ideas for what other people can do?

[Cut to Carrie]

Carrie Krum: Oh, well, yeah. An absolute must see is my Grammy’s Cul-De-Sac. It is primo roller blade country. But travelers, please, learn from my mistake and do not roller blade in gravel, okay? I fell and scraped my chin, and my brother said it looked like I had a blood goatee. And at the time, I was mad, but now I got to give it up for the blood goatee. [Cut to Carrie and Michael] It’s good.

Michael Che: Okay. Well, for spring break a lot of people like to go to the beach. Do you have any beach recommendations?

Carrie Krum: Yeah, I do. [Cut to Carrie] Oh, sure. Say Aloha to the beaches of western Pennsylvania. I’m talking lake Erie. Go ankle deep in this ice cold water that stinks. And, Michael, [Cut to Carrie and Michael] did you know that flies can be on the beach?

Michael Che: No, that’s – that’s cool.

Carrie Krum: Yeah, it is. [Cut to Carrie] And also, we had to stop in Pittsburgh on the way to see my dad’s side of the family. And my brother had to wear a yarmulke to dinner. And, Michael? [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Michael?

Michael Che: Yeah?

Carrie Krum: It looked like half of a bra. Oh god!

Michael Che: Well, at least it sounds like you have fun wherever you go.

Carrie Krum: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But trips aren’t always easy. You know? [Cut to Carrie] One time in the car I told my family that I loved my mom more than my dad. And everyone got really quiet. But that’s life on the road, Michael.

[Cut to Carrie and Michael]

Michael Che: It absolutely is.

Carrie Krum: Oh, and Michael? Michael?

Michael Che: Yeah?

Carrie Krum: Safety. [Carrie Krum farts]

Michael Che: Oh, no. Carrie Krum, everybody.

Carrie Krum: Sorry. Emma Stone gave me a bunch of corn dogs.

Michael Che: It’s okay. It’s okay.

Weekend Update Travel Expert Carrie Krum | Season 44 Episode 8

Carrie Krum (Aidy Bryant)

[Starts with Michael in his news set]

Michael Che: Well, it’s one of the busiest travel times of the year. So here with her holiday travel tips is seventh grade travel expert, Carrie Krum. [Carrie comes in] Hi, Carrie. So how are you liking your trip to New York?

Carrie Krum: Oh, I love it. Yeah, I mean I went to Time Square and I saw Spider Man and he gave me the finger.

Michael Che: Cool. So Carrie, what kind of destinations can you recommend for vacationers?

Carrie Krum: Oh, well, [Cut to Carrie] one of the absolute best global destinations has got to be Columbus, Ohio. Oh, yeah, you got cousins, you got aunts. And did you know that uncles can have ponytails too? But the best thing about Columbus is– [Cut to Michael and Carrie. Carrie is acting shy] Michael, Michael–

Michael Che: What?

Carrie Krum: My cousin’s neighbors are boys.

Michael Che: Alright, Carrie, that sounds pretty specific to your family trips. Where can other people travel?

Carrie Krum: Um, try the Twin freaking Cities! [Cut to Carrie] Yeah, where you’ll go to a farm and see a really big pig and your brother will tell you that’s where Ham comes from. And then you’ll sob because you love to eat ham.

Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Again, that feels like what you did in the Twin Cities. But what can everybody do?

Carrie Krum: Okay, well might I [Cut to Carrie] recommend staying at my aunt Nancy’s house? Because Michael, [Cut to Carrie and Michael. Carrie is acting shy.] Michael–

Michael Che: Yes?

Carrie Krum: She’s bra-less on the couch! [Cut to Carrie] Yeah, overall pretty great trip. Except I will say for when I got spanked.

Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Oh, I’m sorry.

Carrie Krum: Oh, don’t be, Michael. I mean that’s what traveling is all about, you know, testing boundaries. [Cut to Carrie] Like in Dubuque, Iowa, where my parents were drinking daiquiris and they were laughing and I didn’t get it but when adults are laughing, I’m laughing right along with them.

Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Now that sounds like a very fun vacation.

Carrie Krum: Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, Dubuque is a can’t miss. When I was there, [Cut to Carrie] my cousin Mitchell forgot his bathing suit, so he got to wear his underwear in the hot tub. And Michael, [Cut to Carrie and Michael. Carrie is acting shy.] Michael–

Michael Che: What?

Carrie Krum: You can kind of see his butt.

Michael Che: All right, well, have you ever been anywhere exotic?

Carrie Krum: Oh, yeah. [Cut to Carrie] Oh, duh, okay, once on a connecting flight from Phoenix to Denver, I got to go to the Atlanta airport. Okay, you want to talk exotic, I saw two indoor pigeons work together to carry a Bagel. That’s a Bonjour vacation.

Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael Che] Well, it sounds like you had a lot of awesome vacations. I mean, were there any places you didn’t like?

Carrie Krum: Yeah, Montana.

Michael Che: Montana? Why?

Carrie Krum: [Cut to Carrie] Because when I went to Montana, I fell on a bunch of rocks on my back.

Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Where?

Carrie Krum: On my back.

Michael Che: I mean where in Montana?

Carrie Krum: On the rocks! And it really hurt, [Cut to Carrie] so please don’t go there. The rocks are too hard and my back is too soft.

Michael Che: [Cut to Carrie and Michael] Okay. I won’t go there.

Carrie Krum: Okay. Michael, I’m sorry can we stop, because I got to go to the bathroom.

Michael Che:  Can’t you just wait until the end?

Carrie Krum: No, because Mumford & Sons gave me a bunch of Sierra mist.

Michael Che: Well, if you have to go then go.

Carrie Krum: Okay. Thank you, Michael. I love you, Michael.

Michael Che: Carrie Krum everybody.