Tag: Chadwick Boseman

Warehouse Fire

Chief… Kenan Thompson

Beck Bennett

Cecily Strong

Cooper… Chris Redd

Daniels… Chadwick Boseman

[Starts with firefighters working at a burning scene.]

Chief: Alright. What’s the situation?

Beck: We can’t get it out of control, sir. Our initial attack did nothing.

Chief: Alright. Let’s get these lines recharged and ready to hit it again. Is everybody out?

Cecily: Yeah. We made a complete sweep of the building. There is no one else in there.

Chief: Alright. Well then, let’s put this thing out. Cooper, you’re on master street. The rest of you back on. Let’s go.

Cooper: You got it, chief.

Chief: Hey, wait, wait. Daniels, where are you going?

Daniels: Home. It’s six. I said I have to leave at six.

Chief: For god’s sake, Daniels, you can’t go home. There’s a fire.

Daniels: I squirted it before anybody else did. I squirted it. And now it’s six and I have to go.

[others are squirting the water.]

Beck: Chief, we need more water incoming from the top.

Chief: Daniels, get on that ladder and do you job.

Daniels: My job was to squirt it and I did. Now, I’m getting out of my fireman outfit and I’m going home. It’s six.

Cooper: What happens at six?

Daniels: I prepare for tonight.

Chief: What’s the night?

Daniels: I’m keeping it vague on purpose, okay? Okay? Is that okay? Just know that it is very important to me. It is dream that is coming real tonight.

[blast]

Beck: The second floor just went down.

Chief: Ah! Come on, Daniels! Get in there.

Daniels: No, no, no. This is for me and I need this and I’m getting it. I will squirt twice as much water tomorrow on whatever you want.

Cecily: What is this thing you’re doing tonight? Just tell us.

Daniels: I said I don’t wanna say. But here’s a hint. It involves dogs and dolls.

Cooper: Wait. Dogs and dolls?

Daniels: Don’t worry about it. Just know that if everything goes great tonight, I won’t have to work here ever again.

Chief: Wait. Dogs and dolls are a money maker thing?

Daniels: Um, yeah. The investors told me I might be looking at billions of dollars by the end of June. My squirting days are numbered.

Beck: Hey, is it a line of gorgeous China baby dolls riding Lhasa Apsos?

Daniels: No. Maybe. Shut up. I’m getting out of here before you guess it.

[blast]

Chief: Come on. Just put out the fire, Daniels.

Daniels: Oh, my god. I will squirt exactly one more time and then I have to go.

Chief: Alright.

[Daniels pulls out the firehose, squirts water for few seconds and throws it away.]

Daniels: Okay, I did it.

Chief: Daniels, finish the job!

Daniels: I won’t. I won’t do it. This is how important these life sized dolls mean to me.

Cooper: Okay, okay, the life sized. That’s a clue.

Chief: Stop trying to guess his thing and squirt out and put out the fire, dammit!

Beck: Oh! I know what it is. They are life sized sex dolls with dog faces so that you can have sex with a dog person for once.

Cecily: What? Is that what it is? Like, sexy dolls with a puppy dog face?

Beck: Not puppy dogs. Handsome adult dogs.

Daniels: Oh, my god! No. They are life sized dolls that are identical to you. So when you leave home, your dog doesn’t know it. And you can talk to them using the dolls mouth using the CB radio.

Cooper: A CB radio? Not like an app through your phone?

Daniels: I don’t know. This is why I wanted to leave at six so I could iron everything before the presentation. Stop squashing my dreams.

Chief: Daniels. They already make a thing like that. Look, I have one in my truck with my dog Freckles right now.

[Cut to a dalmation sitting beside a life sized doll. But it looks nothing like a Chief. It doesn’t even look like a real person.]

Hey, Freckles. How is everything going in the truck?

Daniels: Wow. Looks exactly like it. I guess my priorities have been all wrong. So, what was that thing you said? Sex dolls with dog faces? I’m gonna switch and go with that.

[Daniels walks away]

Beck: Hey, Daniels, you’re walking into the fire.

Chief: It’s alright. Let him go.

Cooper: Really?

Chief: Yeah. Let him go.

Wakanda Forever

Chris Redd

Leslie Jones

Pete Davidson

Beck Bennett

Chadwick Boseman

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with people getting out of movie theater after watching Black Panther.]

Chris: Man, third time seeing Black Panther and it just gets better every time.

Leslie: Like a fine black wine with abs.

Chris: Yo! Everybody in that movie has abs. I mean, the rhinos had abs.

Leslie: All I know is I would be in Wakanda forever.

[Pete walks in]

Pete: You guys talking about Black Panther, right?

Chris: Yeah.

Pete: That was hell’a dope.

Chris: It was, man. Ain’t it crazy?

Pete: Hell, yeah. Best movie in twentyeighteen. [doing the salute] Wakanda forever.

Leslie: Oh, no. I don’t like that.

Chris: No.

Pete: What? Am I doing it wrong?

Chris: No, man. I think– I think it’s that you’re doing it?

Leslie: Yeah. Something about watching you do that, it just didn’t sit right with me.

Pete: Oh. No, you don’t understand. I love Wakanda. [doing the salute again]

Chris: Ummm, see? Right? That bothers me. Why does that bother me?

Leslie: Like in a blackest part of my soul.

Chris: Right? I feel like this should be us.

[Beck walks in]

Beck: Are you guys talking about Wakanda? Sweet. [doing the salute] Wakanda forever.

Chris and Leslie: Oh! No!

Chris: It’s like indigestion, but racially.

Leslie: Oh, I feel it right here. [pointing her heart] Right here.

Beck: What’s the problem? I mean, why won’t you let me love Black Panther?

Chris: No, no. I want you to love Black Panther. But Wakanda’s– you know what I’m saying?

[Chadwick walks in]

Chadwick: Y’all talking about Wakanda?

Chris: Yeah. You look like a woke ass brother to know.

Chadwick: Yeah. You know what it is.

Chris: Alright. So, right here we got a couple of white Black Panther fans.

Chadwick: Um-hmm. Always good to see you.

Beck: Of course.

Leslie: Yeah. But watch this. Hail Wakanda.

Pete and Beck: [doing the salute] Hail Wakanda.

Chadwick: Oh, yeah. I see what you mean.

Chris: Right? But wow, why don’t we like that, bro?

Chadwick: I believe I can explain. You see, the problem is that we as black people know that solute comes from Egyptian kings who were buried right hand over left to clutch the royal scepter.

Chris: Word. Word. Yeah, we all knew that.

Leslie: Yeah.

Chadwick: Salute is also the reminder that all white people are aliens who came to earth in a sleep pod.

Chris: Okay, thank you, brother. Thank you. [Chris pulling Chadwick away backwards]

Beck: We love the movie too. Why can’t we just do the salute?

Leslie: Because we know your history. You don’t give stuff back.

Pete: But there’s nothing wrong with it, you know? If you see superman, you do this. [raising his one hand with his fist closed] If you see spider-man you do this. [showing spider-man’s web shooting gesture] Wouldn’t this be the same? [showing Black Panther salute]

Leslie: I mean, I get the point. It’s cool that white boys want to do something that black superhero do.

Chris: I guess I have to agree, man. Every time I see a baseball game, I gotta do Tomahawk chop, and that feels very wrong.

Leslie: Very wrong.

Chadwick: We need to have a quick huddle.

[Chris, Leslie and Chadwick are whispering to each other]

Chris: [to Pete and Beck] Ay, yo. Could ya’ll do that Wakanda salute one more time?

[Pete and Beck do the salute]

See?

[they are whispering again]

Chadwick: Alright. Our social collect has cultivated a determination that Wakanda salute, it belongs to everyone. We’re all lucky to have you. But in exchange, you must give back dabbing.

Chris: Please. Yes.

[Pete and Beck start whispering to each other]

Beck: We’re not going to give up dabbing.

Pete: But yeah, you can have back Drake.

Chris: That’s dope. Drake’s dope.

Leslie: We’ll take Drake. We’ll take Drake.

[They all do Wakanda salute and get back to their way.] [Kenan walks out]

Kenan: Alright! Whoo! You kids ready to go? Sorry. That bathroom line was really long. I thought I’d be in there forever. Wakanda forever. Right? You know what I’m saying?

Beck: Um. sorry stepdad. That gesture means something. You can’t just use it to salute that joke. Stay woke.

Kenan: What in the hell. Try to bond with you little sons of bitches and you ain’t gonna do it? I guess I can’t win. You know what? I will leave your mama. How you like that? [does the dab] Huh?

Medical Breakthrough

Dr. Connolly… Chadwick Boseman

Dr. Karen Price… Aidy Bryant

Sandra Matson… Kate McKinnon

Dave Matson… Mikey Day

Heidi Gardner

Chris Redd

[Starts with Dr. Connolly and Dr. Karen Price at the podium speaking to the press. They’re both wearing aprons.]

Dr. Connolly: Thank you all for being here today. I’m Dr. Connolly, lead researcher for the fertility frontiers project. This is my brilliant supervisor Dr. Karen Price.

Dr. Karen Price: Hello.

Dr. Connolly: Nine months ago, we began working with a couple who had difficulty conceiving. But through a process, we created called ‘Paternal Embryonic Gestation’ and implanted artificial womb. Their dreams of pregnancy have come true. With one small difference. Please welcome Sandra Matson and her husband Dave Matson, history’s first pregnant man.

[Sandra and Dave walk in. Dave has pregnant belly.] [cheers and applause]

Mr. Matson, you just made history. Any comment?

Dave: Um, yeah. Anybody have olives and peanut butter? I’m having a really weird craving.

[The press laughs.]

In all seriousness, we feel so blessed that life found a way.

Sandra: Um-hmm. Now if we could only find a maternity store with a men’s section.

[everyone laughing]

Dr. Connolly: Now, we’ll open it up for questions. Yes.

Heidi: First, congratulations on this remarkable achievement. Dr. Connolly, how does the man give birth?

Dr. Connolly: Well, the plan has always been a scheduled C-section.

Dave: Two weeks from today.

Dr. Connolly: But the plan has changed.

Dave: It has?

Dr. Connolly: My team and I now believe that due to the fragility of the artificial womb, the baby must be delivered naturally through Mr. Watson’s urethra.

Dave: What?

Dr. Connolly: Who else has a question?

Dave: I do.

Dr. Connolly: Yes, you sir.

Chris: Hello, there. Just to be clear, the baby will come out of this man’s, um, now I’m sure there’s a classy way to say this but I’m going with pee hole?

Dr. Connolly: Yes. The elasticity of the skin and tissue in that area will stretch to accommodate the birth… hopefully.

Dave: Hopefully?

Dr. Karen Price: Yes. Picture a bowling ball going through a twizzler.

Dr. Connolly: With that said, we will be prepared for possible tuliping.

Heidi: I’m sorry, doctor. What is tuliping?

Dr. Karen Price: Oh, I can take this one. Yeah, the best way to describe it is with the Looney Tunes metaphor. So, if you recall when Bugs Bunny would put his finger in Elmer Fudd’s gun barrel? When Mr. Fudd pulled the trigger, the barrel would bush out. Peel back like tulip petals. Hence, tuliping.

Dave: Oh, my god. So, next question. Yes. The woman in the wrinkled skirt.

Cecily: Oh. That detail was unnecessary. Mr.s Madson, will you be present in the delivery room?

Sandra: Not anymore. No.

Dr. Connolly: Yes. The delivery room will be crowded. It will be all hands on the deck and few hands in deck, if you know what I mean.

Dave: No. I don’t know what you mean.

Cecily: And lastly, will Mr. Madson be given the same epidural drugs used on women?

Dr. Connolly: Oh, no.

Dave: Yeah. Stronger?

Dr. Connolly: Unfortunately, no epidural or pain numbing drugs can be used as Mr. Madson will need to push at full strength for the full 24 hour long birth.

Dave: 24? Can’t it go any faster?

Dr. Connolly: Not without significant risk of tuliping.
Dave: Stop saying tuliping. Stop.

Dr. Connolly: Yes, you sir.

Alex: Yes, first off, Mr. Madson, congratulations and I’m so sorry. Now, how long do you anticipate the recovery process will take?

Dave: Um, forever?

Heidi: I can’t believe no one’s asked yet. Boy or girl?

Sandra: It’s a girl. Which is good because we have a lot of girl names we like.

Dr. Connolly: Well, pick your top three because surprise, you’re having triplets. Mr. Madson, any parting words?

Dave: I mean, I’m worried about my penis.

Dr. Connolly: We all are. Thank you.

Magic Mirror

Aidy Bryant

Denice… Melissa Villaseñor

Lauren… Cecily Strong

Leslie Jones

Elsa… Heidi Gardner

Rapunzel… Kate McKinnon

  1. Kelly… Chadwick Boseman

Beck Bennett

[Starts with Aidy seeing off a girl in Disney Land.]

Aidy: Wasn’t that cool? You got Ariel. Well, thanks for stopping by the Magic Mirror. And dream big, little princess. [Aidy approaches other three visitors] Hi, there. Looks like we’ve got some grownup seekers today.

Lauren: Yeah. I know it’s weird but we’re out having fun.

Denice: Yeah. Can’t big girls like Disney princesses too?

Aidy: Of course they can. So, come on over ladies. Let me share with you a secret. Inside every strong beautiful princess, there is a lady. So, to see just who you are, just look in the mirror. So, give it a try.

Denice: Are you sure?

Aidy: Yeah.

Denice: Okay.

[Denice walks to the mirror. There’s Elsa waving her hand from Frozen in the mirror.]

Oh, wow, guys. Look, I got Elsa.

Lauren: Oh, my god. That makes sense. You are total Elsa. You’re so independent. You’re a total ice queen. Let me try.

[Lauren walks to the mirror. There’s Rapunzel in the mirror.]

Oh, look, you guys. I’m Rapunzel.

Leslie: I gotta say, that seems right. You’re adventurous, a little crazy and way too into your hair.

Lauren: Stop. You go.

Leslie: Okay.

[Leslie walks to the mirror. A black man wearing jeans, sleeveless shirt, sunglasses and a bandana appears in the mirror. He is dancing slowly.]

Denice: Oh, wow. Who is that?

Leslie: Damn! I think that’s R. Kelly.

Lauren: Serious? Yeah, I think you’re right. That is R. Kelly. What’s he doing in there?

[R. Kelly is shhing.]

Leslie: Look at him. He’s shhing us. What are you up to, R. Kelly? Why is R. Kelly in there? The last place he needs to be is Disney Land.

Aidy: I don’t think that’s him. I’m pretty sure that’s a character from Mulan.

Leslie: Oh! Which character?

Aidy: I think that’s Shy Greg.

Leslie: Okay, I don’t know who that is. I haven’t seen Mulan in a while but–

[R. Kelly pulls out a bag and starts stuffing it with popcorn.]

Denice: Geez. What’s he doing now?

Lauren: Oh, look at him. Creepy. I mean, wow, he loves stuffing that bag doesn’t he?

Leslie: It is kind of disturbing. Look at him.

  1. Kelly: [singing] I got the popcorn in the bag
    popcorn in the bag, baby

Leslie: What is going on?

  1. Kelly: [singing] I’m in the–

Leslie: In what? I told you. He’s shady! Excuse me. I thought I was supposed to see my personal princess

Aidy: Well, you are. And I honestly don’t know what happens. So, try this. Close your eyes, make a wish for what you want to see.

Leslie: Alright. I wish for a real Disney princess.

[Elsa appears in the mirror. She is waving.]

Oh, my god. I got Elsa. Hi, Elsa.

[R. Kelly walks in the mirror and pushes Elsa away. He has a sandwich.]

Lauren: He’s back and he’s got a sandwich.

  1. Kelly: [singing] I’m in here

Leslie: Yo, what you in? No, I’m sorry. We gotta go. I’m out of here. Lauren, Denice, let’s just get out of here.

[Denice, Lauren and Leslie walk out]

Aidy: Oh, sorry. Who’s next?

[Beck walks in]

Beck: Oh! This thing is cool. [walks to the mirror] Who do I get?

[R. Kelly appears on the mirror again]

Oh! It’s Shy Greg from Mulan. Awesome!

Chadwick Boseman Monologue

Chadwick Boseman

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Chadwick Boseman.

[Chadwick Boseman walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Chadwick Boseman: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m so happy to be hosting Saturday Night Live only two months after Black Panther came out. [cheers and applause] But it’s still before the Avengers, so we’re not completely late.

You know, it was actually kind of tough hosting because SNL has already done a bunch of sketches about Black Panther. So, there is really bad ideas left. The writers were like, “What about a talk show called ‘Wake Up Wakanda?’ Or a sketch where Black Panther has sex with Leslie Jones?” And that was Leslie Jones’ idea. So it’s tough and it’s not fair. I men Sterling K. Brown got to do a Black Panther sketch before me and he dies in the first scene of the movie. I would say spoiler alert, but again the movie has been out for two months people.

One weird thing I’ve experienced since the movie came out, it’s people asking if I wanna run for president. That’s because I play a world leader in the movie, they think I wanna be a leader of the free world, but who wants that job? Why would I go for being a serious actor to do in reality TV? [applause]

And there’s still some people who can’t grasp that it’s a superhero movie. They’re like, “You’re doing Black Panther all wrong. You should have beret and a black leather jacket.” I’m like, “Ay! Ay! That’s a different type of Black Panther, man.” And it’s not like I don’t know history. I portrayed Jackie Robinson, James Brown. [cheers and applause] And Thurgood Marshall. Basically every black historical figure except Rachel Dolazer, who coming to think of it, me playing a white woman pretending to play a black woman might not be a bad idea for Oscar. But somehow, Black Panther has become historical figure too. First black superhero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, we broke new ground. And I hope that maybe we’ve inspired the new generation of black actors and film makers–

[Kenan Thompson walks in wearing Panthro costume. The costume is very funny looking.]

Kenan Thompson: Wow! You broke new ground, huh? I’m not so sure about that. Ha-ha-ha.

Chadwick Boseman: Pahthro from Thundercats?

Kenan Thompson: [showing his nunchucks] Yeah, that’s right. You must be the Black Panther style superhero who has space age technology. Hmm, where have I heard that one before? Oh, right. From when it was me.

Chadwick Boseman: Alright. Alright. Panthro, Black Panther was created in 1966. Thundercats are from the 80s.

Kenan Thompson: No. Actually, Thundercats are from Thundera, the cat planet where cats lived in harmony until Mumra made it explode. Not that you care.

Chadwick Boseman: Panthro!

Kenan Thompson: Come on, dude. I know you guys are doing a sequel. Hook a brother up. It’s hard out there for a black space cat with a spiky suspenders.

Chadwick Boseman: Hey man, I gotta ask. Is this another one of the bad ideas that the writers had that I’m in right now?

Kenan Thompson: No. I actually heard that this was Kenan Thompson’s idea. And I’m told that he stands by it. 15 seasons, baby.

[Kenan Thompson winks and leaves the stage] [cheers and applause]

Chadwick Boseman: You know, I got a band behind me right now. [Talking like Lenny Kravitz] I can’t get off this stage without giving you just a little Lenny. I’m about to do my thing. Hit it!

[band playing music. Chadwick Boseman does the dance]

We got a great show for you tonight. Cardi B is here. So, stick around. We’re gonna be right back.

Black Jeopardy with Chadwick Boseman

Darnell Hayes… Kenan Thompson

Shanice… Leslie Jones

Rashad… Chris Redd

T’Challa… Chadwick Boseman

[Starts with Black Jeopardy intro]

Male voice: This is Black Jeopardy.

[Cut to the show stage. There’s one host and three contestants.] [cheers and applause]

Darnell: Yeah. Hi. Wad up? Wad up? Wad up? Welcome to Black Jeopardy. The only Jeopardy where our prize is paid in installments. Alright, I’m your host Darnell Hayes. Today’s contestants Shanice.

Shanice: Hi.

Darnell: Rashad.

Rashad: What’s crackin?

Darnell: And, oh! This is so exciting. All the way from Wakanda, it’s T’Challa.

[cheers and applause]

T’Challa: Greetings Darnell. I am a big fan of this program.

Darnell: Well, this might be the blackest Black Jeopardy yet. Let’s take a look at that categories. Alright, we got “Grown ass”, “Ah Hell naw”, “Fid’na”, “Girl, bye”, “I ain’t got it”, and as always “White people.” Alright, Shanice, You are returning champ. You pick.

Shanice: Okay. Let’s go to “Aw hell naw” for $100.

Darnell: Okay, answer there. Your barber has a two hour wait, but there’s an empty chair up front.

[buzzer sound]

Rashad.

Rashad: What is, “Aw hell naw, there’s a reason your chair is empty.”

Darnell: You damn right. You damn right it is. You can end up looking like The Weeknd. Alright, Rashad, the board is your’s.

Rashad: Let’s go with “Fid’na” for $200.

Darnell: Okay, the answer. They fid’na to take prayer out of school.

[buzzer]

Shanice.

Shanice: What is, “They wonder why everybody pregnant?”

Darnell: Yes. Yes. Bad things happen when you kick Jesus out your house. That’s right. Alright, it’s your pick, Shanice.

Shanice: Let’s stick with “Fid’na” for $400.

Darnell: This is the reason your cable bill is in your grand mamma’s name.

[buzzer]

Oh, T’Challa.

T’Challa: What is, “To honor her as the as the foundation of the family.”

[audience laughing]

Darnell: Hmm, that’s really nice. It’s wrong. But it’s really nice. Anybody else? The reason your cable bill is in your grand mamma’s name.

[buzzer]

Shanice.

Shanice: What is, “Coz fid’na get a car and I don’t need all that on my credit.”

Darnell: I feel you. I feel you. Yeah, your grandma ain’t gonna need that good credit too much longer. Alright, Shanice, it’s your pick.

Shanice: Let’s go “I ain’t got it” for $200.

Darnell: Alright. The lady from Sallie Mae says your student loan is past due.

[buzzer]

Rashad.

Rashad: What is, “I ain’t got it because I died. You talking to a ghost.”

Darnell: Yeah. That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. You can’t bill what’s not there, okay? Just ask Wesley Snipes. Ain’t that right, T’Challa?

T’Challa: I don’t know this one.

Darnell: That’s alright. You’ll get there. Alright, Rashad, it’s your pick.

Rashad: Am, let’s go with “Aw hell naw” for $400.

Darnell: Alright, the answer. The airline sys they wanna charge twenty-five dollars to check your bag.

[buzzer]

Shanice.

Shanice: What is, “Aw hell naw. Looks like I’m gonna fly to Jamaica with 50 pounds of suitcase in my lap.”

Darnell: You damn right. You damn right. That’s right. And I dare the stewardess to say something. That’s right. Let’s keep going.

Shanice: Let’s say with “Grown ass” for $600.

Darnell: Alright. You send your smart-ass child here ’cause she thinks she grown.

[buzzer]

T’Challa.

T’Challa: What is, “To one of our free university where she can apply her intelligence. And perhaps one day become a great scientist.”

Darnell: Okay. Well, the answer were were looking for was, “Out my damn house.” But you know what? I’m gonna give it to you, T’Challa. Y’all must not have no mean streets in Wakanda. Alright, the board is your’s.

T’Challa: Very well. Let’s go to “Ah hell naw” for $800.

Darnell: Okay. The policeman says there’s been some robberies in your neighborhood and asks if you have any information.

T’Challa: What is, “Not only do I tell this man what I know, but I also assist him in tracking down the offender. After all, our ministers of law enforcement are only here to protect us.” Is this correct?

[Darnell makes funny face]

Darnell: I mean, it should be. But I’m thinking you haven’t spent much time in America. Let’s just hear about today’s prizes. Johnny!

[Cut to Black Jeopardy prize listing]

Male voice: Thanks, Darnell. Today’s Black Jeopardy winner will receive Uesta Hold Margarine, personal plastic containers that used to hold margarine. “Put whatever you want in there.” And well done steaks. “If I see a speck of red, it’s going back. You better cook my food with well done steaks.” And by Sprite. “How did we become the black soda? We don’t know.” Back to you, Darnell.

[Cut to the game stage]

Darnell: Ooh! I do love Sprite. Alright, T’Challa, the board is your’s.

T’Challa: I am ready. Let’s go to “White people” for $400.

[Darnell is making shocked faces.]

Darnell: Okay, let’s try it. Your friend Karen brings her potato salad to your cookout.

[buzzer]

Oh-oh. T’Challa.

T’Challa: I think I’m getting the hang of this. Before I answer, a few questions. This woman Karen, she’s caucasian, right?

Darnell: Yes.

T’Challa: And she has her own recipe for potato salad, right?

Darnell: Yeah.

T’Challa: Ah! I understand. It is noble that she would volunteer to cook for everyone. And although I have never had potato salad…

Darnell: Of course.

T’Challa: … I sense that this white woman does not season her food.

Darnell: That’s right.

T’Challa: And if she does, it is only with a tiny bit of salt and no paprika.

Darnell: No paprika. No.

T’Challa: And she will probably add something unnecessary like resins.

Darnell: I know, right?

T’Challa: So, something tells me that I should say–

Darnell: Say it.

T’Challa: “Aw hell naw Karen. Keep your bland ass potato to yourself.”

Darnell: [celebrating] Yes! Yes! Whoo! Oh, man! You got it, T’Challa.

T’Challa: In the face.

Darnell: Yeah. Black Panther, welcome to Black Jeopardy.

Female voice: How many square feet is that?

Male voice: For three bedrooms?

Female voice: What a deal.

Darnell: Oh, well. The sound of white people shopping nearby for real estate means that the fun is over. So, let’s take a break. We’ll be right back with more Black Jeopardy.

Aidy B & Cardi B

Aidy Bryant

Kate McKinnon

Cecily Strong

Chris Redd

Chadwick Boseman

Kenan Thompson

Mikey Day

Cardi B

[Starts with Aidy, Kate and Cecily talking in SNL office]

Kate: Oh, my god. I can’t stop listening to Cardi B’s new album.

Cecily: Yes. It’s so good. I’m so excited she’s here.

Aidy: I’m obsessed.

Cecily: I love how assertive and bold she is. She just like, says whatever she’s thinking.

Aidy: I know. And I think I need to be more like Cardi B.

[Kyle and Beck walk in]

Kyle: Hey, what are you girls doing? Having girl time?

Beck: Yes. Should we come back?

Aidy: What did you say?

Beck: Oh, we just don’t want to interrupt your girl time.

Aidy: [speaking like Cardi B] Oh, well, why don’t you shut your hoe ass up? I’m sick of you hating ass hoes always got something slick to say. Just remember I’m a boss and you a worker you goofy bitch!

Kate: Aidy?

Aidy: Ah! Nah, hoe. [to Kyle and Beck] You need to watch your mouth. I’m from The Bronx. I don’t play that [bleep]. [to Kate and Cecily] Come on. [the girls walk out]

Kyle: Is Aidy actually from The Bronx?

Beck: She’s from North Central Phoenix.

[Cardi B music playing] [Cut to Aidy with Chris in costume room]

Chris: Hey, you talked to Chadwick yet? He’s super cool.

Aidy: No. I’m weirdly nervous to meet him.

Chris: Why?

Aidy: Coz he’s the Black Panther and I loved the movie and he is very cool and I am very lame.

Chris: You are not lame. Come on

[Chadwick Boseman walks in]

Chadwick: What’s up, Chris?

Chris: What’s up? How do you feel? You good? You know Aidy Bryant, right?

Chadwick: Of course. Oh, my god. I’m a big fan of your’s.

Aidy: [talking like Cardi B] Yeah. I’m not afraid of you bitch.

Chadwick: What’s that?

Aidy: What? Errr! Ooh! Actually, I’m sure you’re used to all these other little bitches being afraid of you but I am not scared, okay? I’m a rider or die, bitch. You see that rock? [showing her engagement ring] Yeah, that actually means I give Conor that very good puddy, okay? I can picture so good that I be screaming my own name during sex. Oh, prrrr.

[Aidy walks out. Chadwick and Chris look at each other all confused.]

Chadwick: That’s how you let white girls talk to you around here?

Chris: Only Aidy B. I’m not proud of that.

[Cardi B music playing] [Cut to Aidy on the table trying to do the sexy dance like Cardi B. The staffs are looking at her.]

Kenan: Dude, what the hell is going on with Aidy?

Mikey: I think she’s empowered.

[Cardi B music playing] [Cut to Aidy walking out. A woman walks to her.]

Woman: Hey, Aidy. Could you do a quick shoutout for SNL’s instagram?

Aidy: Oh, yeah. Of course. [The woman hands over a phone to Aidy.] Okay, so what should I say?

Woman: Say something to the fans.

Aidy: Okay. [Aidy starts taking selfie video. She’s speaking like Cardi B.] Ah! Stop asking me about the show. The cast sucks, the writers are stupid, I [bleep] them all, they were boring. So, live from The Bronx, y’all can shut the [bleep] up.

[talking normally again] And then I– I’m sorry. Do I hit the send?

Woman: [shocked] Yeah. That was good.

Aidy: Yay!

[Cardi B music playing] [Cut to Aidy in Cardi B’s changing room]

Aidy: Cardi, your music has changed my life. You’ve honestly inspired me to just say what’s on my mind. So, thank you.

Cardi B: You know, I do it for my fans.

Aidy: And I am a fan. But maybe also your best friend. We’re pretty much the same.

Cardi B: Um, can you please get me some water? [speaking softly] I’ma a little worried.

Aidy: Oh, sure. Unless you want me to stay.

Cardi B: No.

Aidy: I have a lot of very short songs that I’ve written.

Cardi B: No.

Aidy: [singing] Subs are good but I prefer pizza, honey.

Cardi B: Okay. Just go.

Aidy: Okay. But before I go, [showing her high heels] these is bloody shoes, coz they’re giving me the worst days of my life.

Cardi B: Just get the [bleep] out of here.

Aidy: Call me.

Cardi B: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Aidy walks out]

Aidy: Aidy B and Cardi B, best friends.